Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

Saying Wedding Vows Wouldn’t Change Him

Posted in Brides, Dreams, Life, Love, relationships, Romace by

A wedding is a wonderful day it’s a celebration of your love.  It’s a tying of the knot it’s the making of two lives into one. It’s a contact for life.

But as wonderful as a wedding may be it does not posses supernatural powers . 

The two people who get married are not going to be any different after they exchange wedding vows than they were before. That may seem obvious, yet it comes as a surprise to many people who believe that after they are married, they will be able to change their spouses into someone else.

Were it only so but it’s not people don’t change they may deviate from their norm a bit. They may say they’ll do better and they may make promises. They may give it the old college try but they won’t change. It’s not because they don’t want to it’s because they can’t. Some traits are just hard-wired into the brain. Some bodies won’t get smaller. Some people are so addicted that it takes them years to change and counting on such changes happening can lead to disappointment.

 So instead of thinking of your wedding day as the day your spouse becomes someone new think of it as the day you finally accept your spouse just the way her or she already is. Don’t enter into marriage expecting to change your spouse into a hard worker, a neatnik, a good dresser, a blond, a nonsmoker, a saver, a spender, a size smaller, a teetotaler, a person who only eyes for you if he or she has been unfaithful to you before you say your wedding vows.

If you buy a compact car it won’t turn into a SUV overnight in your garage, no matter how much you try to wish it would. Don’t expect your new spouse to similarly transform just because her or she walked down the aisle with you.

When your partner makes a change because it pleases you, it is really one of the ultimate signs of love. But if you tell your partner that you’re going to stop smoking, for example, and then you can’t. You’ve put your relationship at risk as well your health.  So don’t make rash promises in the name of love. It won’t make such promises any easier to keep, and it might make your life much tougher when you break them.

Don’t wait until you are blind-sided by sudden crises, tragedy or anger because the person you walked down the aisle with didn’t change. Don’t make promises you can’t keep make the changes before you walk down the aisle because the day you exchange vows doesn’t magical change your habits. Sometimes not exchanging vows until the two of you seek premarital counselling can prevent such crises.

 So don’t make rash promises in the name of love you can’t keep it makes life much tougher when you break them. Just talk to anyone who has ever exchanged wedding vows with good intentions and thought love would change their issues. Good Luck…

 

If You Swore To Love For Life Once Why Do It Again

Posted in Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Women by

If you swore to love for life once why do it again? If you had to do it all over again would you could you? A promise is a promise right? If you swore to love for life once why do it again?

Your first response could be why not? What harm could it do? Is it the vow its self that is the question? Ah, there’s the rub.

You walked down the aisle together once and it was a great day; so great that it could never be repeated and the knot you tied that day became a gnarl of attachments: Kids, deeds, photo albums, possessions galore so how could you ever part?

Do you ever ask yourself if you had to do it all over again would you? That’s the question that begs answering when second or third wedding vows are on the horizon. If the answer is yes then sure say “I do, I do, I do.” If the answer is “I don’t know,” then don’t ignore this warning sign your feelings for each other will have changed over the years; that’s only natural. But would you describe those feelings as being love?

Even if you don’t hate each other do you love one another? I’m not saying that if you’re not at a point where you wouldn’t hesitate to renew your wedding vows that you should split apart. Only that maybe you shouldn’t ignore the state of your relationship. You and your partner might want to seek professional help about your relationship so that the next time you’re asked this question, you will both say yes.

A few years ago my Aunt and Uncle went on a Valentine’s Day Cruise along with eight hundred couples to renew their marriage vows.  When the eight hundred couples were asked if they planned on renewing their wedding vows in the future they all said, “Yes.”

 When the youngest couple in the group asked my aunt and uncle if renewing their wedding vows was their secret to their loving relationship?  They said, it makes for a very romantic day but they believed it’s what they do for each other the other 364 days that really renews those vows and keeps the relationship on solid ground. Then they were asked how many years had they been married? My Aunt and Uncle smiled and said, a short sixty years and that they renewed their wedding vows every twenty years.

My Aunt said that my Uncle held her hand and gazed into her eyes and said, he was looking forward to the next time. The other seven hundred and ninety-nine couples tenderly smiled at each other as they realized that when you love your partner renewing your wedding vows is a loving way to express one more time to them that they are the only one for you.

Stay Available To Mystery

Posted in Life, Love, Romace, Spiritual by

Love of the heart and soul is mysterious. It takes chances . It believes in miracles. It is breath, movement, magic, music, the evanescent moment, the blissful surprise. 

 To be available to the mystery means that you are open, expectant, waiting continually poised on tiptoe, ready to be illumined not locked in your own expectations of how you think it should happen.

In life and in love, this means living free, with your mind-set loose from its gears, not endlessly chattering inside, “But it has to be this way” or “I thought it was going to be that way.” Our own ideas, those tidy little constructions of the intellect and psyche, just to serve to limit our reality, shut down the possibilities, create a universe only as complex, and rarified as the busy minds that invent it.

 Indeed, if we’re too invested in the concepts of the mind, we will only recognize the things and allow into our lives all kinds of experiences that confirm what our minds have already seen.

When we set out to prove our presumptions, we can end up blocking our chances of falling toward the miraculous. That’s because being available to the mystery means being wiling to believe that something more or a different something we literally cannot imagine could be lying in wait for us.

 Indeed, when you surrender, you may step into an experience so huge and splendid and grand that, truly, you may feel as if you have stepped right out if this world. Yet miracles await us at every corner, in every dimension of our lives.

We fall in love: our children are born, we stand on a street in a foreign city, and meet the friend of a lifetime. Falling asleep, we dream, and in dreaming are given solutions to some of our perplexing problems. Whether in the unexpected and beautiful elevation of our daily lives as we ordinarily live them, or through the destined and magical introduction to a deeper life of the spirit, we are all being invited to come to the larger world, the bright light, the truer home.

Indeed, as we move through life we are continually presented with events and encounters that, in defying our expectations, quietly nudge us to change. The degree to which they can change us depends on whether our minds dismiss them, or whether we stay beautifully open, to receive what they are offering.

To be available to the mystery, therefore, is to be willing to be surprised. As a child discovers his face in the mirror; as a lover, undressing his or her lover for the first time, discovers the secrets of their love. To be open to the miraculous is at last to be bountifully blessed. It is to move with grace, as you sweetly conduct your life, from the mountains of the mind to the rivers of the heart.  ” Happy Valentines Day“