Tag Archives: Parent

A Letter To Mom

Posted in Chidren, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, relationships by

There is a little girl in all of usDear Mom, Now that I have children and grandchildren of my own, I’m beginning to realize what a challenge it is to find the balance between encouraging them to continually strive to do better and instilling confidence in them and letting  them know that I’m happy with their best efforts.

I’d like to know your secret, because you’ve always seemed to know just how to do that with me.In school, of course you wanted me to make straight A’s, but if I’d truly done my best and gotten a B or a C, I didn’t have to be afraid  to tell you. You let me know that you wanted my best, not perfection.

Even though I wasn’t the best athlete, no one in the bleachers looked prouder than you, and knowing that pushed to keep trying and improving. Thank you, Mom for being my inspiration. Love, your child.

Why I’m thankful you were my mom…

 You never tired of practicing words with me the night before the spelling bee.You comforted me when things went wrong.You ran to help me when I fell and told me funny stories to ease my pain.You wiped away my tears, held me close, and loved me. In your arms there was shelter from the storms of life, peace when my heart was troubled; joy when the day was dark.

Your love never failed me.You forgave me when I messed up.You patiently cleaned up the many spilled glasses of milk with only a gently reminder to be more careful the next time.You listened as if I was the only person in the world.You inspired me to do my best.You taught me about God’s love.You made our house a home.You always believed in me.You cheered me on even when no one else thought I stood a chance, you always cheered me on!

Mom,If I had a flower for every time I have thought of you, I could walk in our garden forever.I know other beautiful things in life come in twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds.There are plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters,aunts and cousins, comrades and friends. . . but I only had one mother in the whole world.

 

Find The Funny In Your Days

Posted in Divorce, friendships, Humor, Life, Marriage, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Spiritual, Women by

Some gals holler, others get very, very quiet. How do you let people know you are mad? Personally, I’m a walker just let me go for a long walk and talk it out to myself and then I return a different gal. How about you? Are you a cupboard door slammer or maybe you just get very, very quite. Emotions are interesting things aren’t they?  We all have them, we are all affected by them, and we all try to hide them sometimes.

Then there are those gals who cannot hide their emotions and are subject to comments like, “she wears her heart on her sleeve”  or “It is written all over her face.” “Twitching eye-brows, clenched  jaw, blushing checks and pursed lips are telltale sign of our inner fluttering hearts, churning stomachs, indignant sensibilities, or raging hormones. But emotions don’t like to stay hidden for long. In subtle, or not-so-subtle ways, we broadcast our feelings to the world.

Our emotional vocabulary includes some pretty interesting phraseology. We talk about our stomach dropping out, our heart stopping, or blowing our stack. We feel  down in the dumps, hopping mad, in a tizzy, all choked up, in a funk, sick at heart, swamped, and at odds with ourselves. And when it is time for these emotions to come gushing out they take many forms: temper tantrums, endless ranting, sleepless nights, mood swings, critical attitudes, blind rages, constant complaining, pity parties and hissy fits. Unfortunately these very popular options have some serious consequences and if you have experienced  venting to a friend, co-worker or spouse and they have betrayed you by gossiping or even ending the relationship then you clearly understand how hurtful and embracing venting to the wrong person at the wrong time can be.

Proverbs 29:11 says. “Only a fool vents all his feeling, but a wise man hold them back.” That doesn’t mean we should bottle it all up. No, Even God knows we just need to release some of that inner turbulence carefully. Do you have someone you can trust, someone who will never tell what comes up during an angry spat, someone who can listen with understanding, someone you can vent to? Though it comes most naturally to let off steam in the form of angry words or bitter complaints, laughter is a wonderful alternative! Remember the advertising ” Don’t get mad, get Glad!” t.m. Have you ever turned a frustrating event into a funny story? Try it and see if it changes how you feel about the situation. We can sigh about things, or we can laugh. Both these responses release pressure, but which is  the most fun? We laugh so we won’t scream. What ever it is probably won’t go away, so we might as well live and laugh through it.

When we choose to release some of our frustrations with laughter, we allow others around us to relax and join in the chuckle. It’s  not hard to spot complainers, with their furrowed brows and down-turned lips. Their ways of  venting can be downright depressing to those who are forced to endure them. The next time you encounter someone in a such a state of disarray, interrupt their coming tirade and commands, by ” putting your eye brows up.” It might sound silly, but it works. It’s very hard to maintain a frown with arching your eyebrows. First try it on a child their expressions dissolve into a smile and a giggle. Then, their concerns can be talked about without the stormy face. Try it! Remember that in the midst of our fears, our worries, and our stresses, God encourages us to call for Him 24/7 at no charge. We won’t get a busy signal or a voice mailbox. He’s right there, waiting for us. You might  even try texting Him who knows…

“When Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy!”

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Psychology, Quotes, relationships, Romace, Women by

Many couples are putting their children at the center of the family. This doesn’t sound like a bad thing, after all, aren’t your grandchildren the apple of your eye too? But when parents put their children ahead of  their own needs, ahead of their marriage, it may seem child friendly, but it can lead to complications.

When children are the absolute center of the family, they can grow up without boundaries. This can lead to demanding, entitled kids. Who become demanding, entitled adults. You might have a friend or two who are demanding and they can be difficult to get along with. Can’t they? 

 No one wants their children or grandchildren to turn out to be demanding. Do they? Some acting out might be all right for a child, but future bosses, spouses and friends will probably not be so tolerant. Will they? Furthermore, being the center of the family is too much pressure for most children. Children cannot fulfill all their parents‘ emotional needs and it’s not fair to expect them to. Children in this position often feel they need to parent their parents and that’s not their job. Actually, it’s your job to be there for your children when they are parents.

Remind them to make time for themselves, their spouses and friends if you want to be helpful offer to babysit so they can have a date night or weekend getaway, and you’ll get to spend extra time with your grandchildren.  Bob and Jane being the wise parents and grandparents that they are, offered to babysit their grandchildren while Jim and  Lynn went out on the town.  As Lynn was leaving, she told her children to listen to Nana and Pops and then gave them a kiss on the cheek and thanked her parents.

Well, Bob winked at Lynn while reminding her of this old saying,”When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” Bob’s point was that couples need to spend time together just the two of  them and keep the romance going.  Now Jim plans romantic surprise date nights at least twice a month and all Lynn has to do is show up . Jim and Lynn are feeling reconnected and Nana and Pops are “Happy Grands.” Jim agrees with Bob “When Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy!

What Do Grandparents Want To Know

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Being a grandparent in today‘s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better. If you’re already a grandparent you know that being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting it can be the most challenging role of your life.

 Grandparents today are so different from all other generations especially from their grandparents. A new grandparent is created every twenty seconds and if you are one of them, welcome!

There are a lot of us already statistics show that we make up one-third of the U.S. population. There are now 70 million grandparents in the United States, and 1.7 million more every year. And while there are a lot of books written to help parents who worry about their baby’s health, their baby’s size compared to the charts, and what IQboosting toys they should buy for their toddlers, there are very few books for us. Their parents. The grandparents!

Do we really need a book about grandparenting? After all, weren’t we parents already? Aren’t we founts of help and advice? Thrilled and devoted? Ready to jump in and help, but wise enough to know when to bow out and be silent? The givers of gifts, and guardians of family history? Mature? Mellow? and Marvelous?

You might be thinking yes, but… and isn’t grandparenting natural? Weren’t their grandparents long before there were books? Isn’t it instinctive? Basic? And built-in? Yes, but… haven’t we grown up watching our own grandparents in action? We had grandparents, our children have grandparents, and now our grandchildren have grandparents. It’s the way of the world, isn’t it? Yes, but… You’ll find that while your emotions may be universal and the problems are timeless, one thing is very different for today’s grandparents. We are different!

Who we really are is a question that many grandparents are asking themselves and each other in today’s society. Here is what a few grandparents are saying; We are healthier, more active, and more youthful and young at heart than our predecessors. Plus, we’re still working and working out, teaching, and learning, traveling, marrying, divorcing, remarrying, and melding our families. Grandparents today have more access to information full of tips on ways the can be the best grandparent they can be.

Our book cases are full of books about cooking, traveling, art, gardening, home improvements, investing money, how to look ten years younger, how to use our nooks, Ipads, cell phones, computers, the million apps that we can use for free, consumer reports covering the A to Z’s of any thing you could think of to buy along with the series of “Dummy Books” and let’s not forget how to be a modern grandparent.

I don’t know if there is a book called ” Grandparenting for Dummy’s” or not I just thought of that. I can tell you that if there isn’t one I’m sure someone will write one soon and it will probably be a best seller. It’s time to google Dummy Books to find out if there is a Dummy Book for Grandparents let me know.

What do grandparents today want to know? Since we are grandparents like no others, our questions are like no others. We want to know how to pick a name of ourselves. What’s wrong with “Grandpa” or “Grandma”? Nothing, but it’s often already taken, since our parents, and perhaps even their parents, are still alive. With so many grandparents, blended and melded grandparents, and great-grandparents in most families, grandparents today want to know how to be the favorite or at least, among the favorites.

We want ot know if it is normal to have “favorites,” to feel bored at times or stressed when our grandchildren visit. We want to know how to make grandchildren smile without spoiling, and help their parents provide for them financially in this bad economy without becoming a purse or a nurse.

We want to know how to handle divorce without hurting the grandchildren (our divorce, their parents’ divorce). We want to know what our daughter-in-laws really think about us and how to develop a better relationship with them so we can get even closer to our grandchildren.

Grandparents want to know so they participate in groups focused on distant granparenting, daughter-in-law problems, grandfathering, financial concerns, and much more. Lots participate in the online surveys. Many of them enjoy contributing and reading grandparent humor. I love everything about grandparenting humor and sometimes I write about something my grandson’s have just done and I find myself laughing as I am writing it’s a blast isn’t it?

Grandparents from every walk of life and from across this country are asking questions about grandparenting we want to know and if someone would write a book called “Straight Talk for Grandparents” telling us what we want to know we would appreciate it and maybe in the future our grandchildren will say thank you grandma or grandpa for believing in me. Grandparents are busy enough so a book written in plain english full of do this and do that because it is in the best interest of your children and grandchildren would help make the world of grandparenting run a lot smoother.

I want to thank my grandparents for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Doesn’t that statement just melt your heart? Take a minute and  image that your grandchildren are saying thank you Nana for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Don’t you feel all warm and tingling all over just thinking about them saying that to you? I know I do!

Do You Have A Grandparent Rival

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Grandparents love indulging  grandchildren, love surprising them, love giving them presents, and love seeing the smiles on their fabulous faces when they walk in the door. It’s so much fun! Isn’t it?

A recent grandparent poll asked grandparents this question:  Do you have a grandparent rival?  62% said, Yes I can’t help it and 38% said, No we’re fine. The response to the 62% group was don’t be surprised or embarrassed it’s natural, if you feel a bit competitive with the other set of grandparents and want to be the favorite… or at least on your grandchildren’s favorite list.

But of course, being the favorite grandparent every minute of every day isn’t always possible. First of all, no grandparent can always give their grandchildren everything they want and never say no. Grandparenting may be more fun than parenting, but it’s not a free-for-all. As my grandmother use to say when she had to say No,”anybody can be your friend but my job is to be your grandmother.”

The truth is you probably can’t out do all the other sets of grandparents all the time even if you wanted to. But thank goodness grandparents don’t have to. Just like grandparents, grandchildren have enough love to go around. We can love all our grandchildren and they can love all their grandparents! You may not be your grandchildren’s only favorite, or favorite every day, but if you treat them with love and respect, you will always be a winner in the end. And so will they!

And finally, if you feel like you’re losing the “favorite” race from time to time because you’re the grandmother-in-law and your daughter-in-law prefers her own parents’ brand of grandparenting to yours, you’re probably right! The same Grandparenting poll found 57 percent of paternal grandmothers (that’s the husband’s mother) often felt left out.

It went on to say, After all, your daughter-in-law is parenting the way she was parented by her own mother and in some circumstances it may have been a grandmother, aunt, older sister, or a father who did the parenting but try to remember they did their best.

After all it’s familiar to her and seems “right”. And besides, you were the first woman in her husband’s life, know him longer and better than she does, she’s probably compared to you too often, and if you have a daughter of your own, you may play favorites yourself without even realizing it.

Grandparents who live far away worry that grandparents who live closer will be preferred, and the grandparents with less money worry that wealthier grandparents will gift their way to first place. And if there’s only one child, the stakes are even higher.

So, being “the favorite” may be only a grandparent’s fun fantasy, but there are lots of fun things you can to do that can help you make your dream of being on your grandchildren’s “favorite” Grandparent list.

Here a four Secrets of Favorite Grandparents out of many

  1. Don’t buy love. Reassure yourself that your grandkids will love you even without the nonstop presents and then prove it. Set a one-month gift or candy moratorium, and just play with the kids when they come over, or read to them, or teach them something special, like a funny dance or a goofy kids song, instead of taking them shopping. Let yourself see that you are valued and loved even if you don’t dispense gifts.
  2. Don’t load them up with contraband. Gifts of toys and candy are a problem in another way too. If we take our grandchildren to the candy store, and they stuff bags full of candies and carry them back home, we’ve put their parents in the position of saying yes to junk or no to the special treats. The kids should not bring home varieties of toys and candy that are not allowed in their house, because then you won’t be given many chances to become a favorite!
  3. Do Listen. Ask questions about their likes and dislikes, their games and friends, real and imaginary, their TV programs, books, and their electronic games… and then really listen to their answers. Listen when they talk spontaneously, when they talk repetitively, when they talk endlessly. Listen when they are silly and serious. It’s been said before, their parents just can’t listen to them on a daily basis the way you can when they are with you on a visit. Be the grandparent who understands, the one who is patient, the grandparent who accepts what they say without a lot of lectures and criticism.
  4. Do find Similarities. Become one of your grandchildren’s soul mates and they will feel a bond that will never be broken. Start by going through “favorites” lists and compare notes. They are called the “Top-Three Lists”. Try top-three favorite… vegetables, meats, fruit, candy, snacks, colors, activities, holidays then do the “Bottom Three” you get the idea. Then go through secret wishes, hardest school subjects, least favorite chores, funny movies and so forth. Every time you find a match, make a big deal out of it. Shout, “Match!” Write it down but mainly remember it. When you talk to your grandchildren, even by phone, Skype, chat, text, e-mail, try to bring up one of those similarities. Like “Our favorite holiday is only three weeks away,” or, “I had to eat our least favorite vegetable today because it was in the salad already.”
  5. Make your home their home away from home. If you have the space, set aside the basement, a room, or even a corner of the living room as your grandkids’ very own space. Let them keep their toys and games there. You’re not only telling them they’re welcome, your backing up with actions. This keeps them wanting to come back again and again. And after all, that’s the plan!

Being a grandparent in today’s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better! Lets embrace our exciting new role and create wonderful relationships with our children and grandchildren. Remember being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting and it is different from our predecessors.

Create A Happy Heart

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, family, Life, relationships by

Life is full of opportunities to create a happy heart. My mother use to say the most wasted of all days, is one with out laughter. She believed in positive thinking and that singing happy songs help to make for a happy heart.

 She loved to dance, sing and laugh. When I was a young girl my mother had a happy song, dance, a funny joke or saying for every situation in life. I don’t mean that as a metaphor I mean it literally.

When life dealt her lemons she was the kind of mother who would make lemonade out of the lemons. She was a half glass full kind of mother. One of my favorite examples of my mothers positive attitude and keeping a happy heart took place when I was thirteen and my best friend Vicky was celebrating her birthday at Disneyland.

The day the invitation arrived I was ecstatic. As far as I was concerned there was nothing better than the E ticket rides at Disneyland. I had lots of E tickets from  previous visits and I was full of expectations. The night before the big day all I did was talk, talk and talk about the rides. I don’t know how my mother kept her wits about her while she listened to my excessive talking. 

 One of the songs my mother and I use sing and listen to was called ” You Talk To Much”. I remember she was singing the words to the song under her breath. I’m sure she was hoping that I would get a clue and stop talking but you know how thirteen year old girls are.

Finally when the big day arrived I woke up and my neck hurting when I told my mother she did everything she could to try to help stop the pain but nothing worked. I was broken-hearted when my mother told me to call my Vicky and let her know that I wouldn’t be able to go.

I hung up the phone and I realized that I was not going to be able to celebrate Vicky’s birthday. I wondered how was I ever going to get over being disappointed?  The girls and I had mapped out and made a list of rides we were going to on and we saved our allowances so we could buy a present for Vick’s birthday.

 I started crying and my mother tried to console me. She said maybe, if your neck starts feeling better she could drive you to meet up with Vicky and the girls later in the day. I said, sure mom that would be ok. When I finished my melt down I noticed that my mom had left the room and I became curious and went to find out what she was doing.

When I found her she had taken off her night-gown and had put on a funny dress, hat and fun music on her old RCA record player.  At first when I saw her I thought to myself, how dare her be so happy when I was so sad. Then after listening to a few of her happy songs I started to sing and dance along with her. The next thing I knew. I wasn’t sad any more. The pain in my neck was gone but it was still stiff.

I’m glade that my mother applied a positive attitude to my situation and it did make for a merry heart. Life isn’t always about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

 

Call Her Sweetheart

Posted in family, Life, Love, Parenting, relationships, Romace by

Your loves name is more than a word. When you say his or her name aloud or in your head, it evokes everything, all your memories, all the time you’ve spent together, all the trips you’ve made, the children you’ve had, and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Some people only say their partner’s name when they’re angry, they want something, or they’re yelling or complaining.

The  name loses its valuable identity and becomes associated with negative feelings. So make sure you use your loves name with tenderness, caring and emotion as often as you can. Each time you say it that way, you’ll be filled with love. Dear… Honey…Snookums…Baby…Lover…Kid… Sweetheart… They show you care, especially when your love saves them just for you. But they’re not the same as saying someone’s name. Give what you say, meaning; speak and act with care when you call their name out.

Some parents call each other Mom and Dad, imitating their children. This may sound cute, but it removes your individuality and replaces it with a role. So it’s better to reserve those titles for your children’s use. Sweetheart it’s best to use an enduring name for each other.

It’s Time To Celebrate Out Of The Box

Posted in Babies, Chidren, Dreams, Life, Moms, Parenting, traditions by

What is more appropriate than birth for our beginning? A new child in the world offers a rich opportunity to honor the baby, the parents, the space where they will live, the already-existing siblings, the grandparents and extended family and friends.

 The actual birth process itself as well as preparation for it already creates special moments. As we grow to understand our role in adding more meaning  to our lives, this birth time is opportunity knocking with a loud beat. I can’t tell you how many unusual ways my girl friends and I created something out of the ordinary into a unordinary way to celebrate an impending childbirth celebration. We wanted to do something for each other, but not necessarily a traditional shower.

The gals and I grew up together, we married within weeks of each other and our  babies were born with in weeks of each other. As time went by they had two or three children with in weeks of each other. Then there was me the odd duck out I didn’t have my second baby until seven years later. Hey! It’s better late than never. Right!

This story is a bit unusual, as it talks about preparing the place where the baby will live. The gals and I designed the event, and this is what we did for our friends Linda and Dave. 

My friends Dave and Linda’s first baby was due near the holidays. I wanted to do something for them, but not necessarily a traditional shower. The birth time was getting close and we needed to move into action if anything was going to be done. I called Linda, saying that I wanted to offer to plan something for her and Dave. I asked her what would she like? Very quickly she said, she was dreaming of a time with close friends to prepare the living space for the baby.

She went on to explain to me that she didn’t mean a physical sense of painting and remodeling, but of welcoming the child into the world even before she arrived. I was thrilled with this idea and excited to be part of making it happen.

Linda and I started putting it together. Linda was very clear about who she and Dave wanted to attend–those folks who would understand and support the idea of a pre-birth housewarming. I called the guest on the phone, as it was short notice. This was before email and texting. It was in the 1970’s. The parents wanted the gathering place to take place in the location where the baby would be living.

The intention was to prepare a community nest for the baby. The nest would be made of stories, poetry, wisdom, favorite children’s books, lullabies and handmade items. The offering of the event would come from the heart of each guest. We trusted that each person knew what this new being needed to smooth the transition into the world, help her be comfortable and accepted before her actual arrival.

When the evening arrived, we gathered men and women in a circle n the living room of the home where the child would be living. A candle was lit in honor of the baby. We passed around a rattle to use as a talking piece.

A friend acted as host/facilitator. The offerings included prayers, live music presentations, the start of the child’s own library, special Christmas ornaments, wisdom for parenting, and stories from childhood. Best of all there was the overwhelming sense of how wanted and special this child was, even before she entered the world. Blessings  on this living home and caring parents were offered. Afterwards we ate, laughed and celebrated new life.

The actual birth came a few days later and turned out to be a little difficult for Linda, one of the things that helped her stay focused was remembering the support of those who had assisted in preparing the home for her child.

Because Linda had a clear vision, I was able to help make it happen. In this situation, I was less the creator and more an enabler. I didn’t need to agonized on what to do, as Linda knew what she wanted and I could act as the helper.

Linda designed her own evening. This celebration honored the parents and welcomed their first child into our lives. The circle of friends were ready to receive Linda and Dave’s new baby. As a thank you gift Linda and Dave gave each of us a photo frame with our names engraved randomly around the frame with a picture of their beautiful new baby girl. 

Celebrating beginnings helps us connect with family and friends in wonderful new ways. Even small beginnings, transitions can be explored and filled with wonder. The idea is not to have a “celebration in a box” solution, but spur your creative imagination. You’ll find inspiration to design an event unique to you will give meaning and love to all that participate. Celebrating out of the box is a way to connect with heart and meaning.

Grandpa’s Fishing Buddies

Posted in family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Keepsakes, Mentoring, relationships, Uncategorized by

The perfect gift is not always a material one. Our grandchildren do not need nor do they want what we can buy them; they need and want us. The best gift you can give them is you. Your faith, wisdom, stories, morals, life lessons, and philosophy,not to mention your time and presence.

I am most impressed with the many grandmothers whom I know who do special things and make special gifts for their grandchildren. Made by their own hands, these gifts of love are attached to forever memories.

My friend Jane hand-made matching outfits with matching hats for her grandchildren and their grandpa to wear when they went fishing together. They out grew the out fits years ago but when they go fishing with their grandpa they make sure that they all wear the hats that went to their matching out fits. They enjoy talking about the all the times they went fishing with their grandpa and are in awe of their grandmothers sewing skills.

Their fishing hats have become a physical reminder of the love and care she feels for them. Recently for their grandpa’s birthday they made a scrapbook for each family member. They included their memories and lots of photos of them fishing with him. Each photo told a story. What a treasure for them to have! They surprised their grandparents with a throw pillow made of the same print that their childhood fishing out fits were made of. Their grandparents were just thrilled in fact they seemed more impressed with the throw pillow that the scrapbook.

Many invisible gifts were given to Jane’s grandchildren while they were fishing with their grandpa. He introduced them nature, lakes, ponds, the ocean, sea creatures. He shared with them stories about fishing with his father and brother and all the antics that took place between them as he was growing up. He was able to enjoy sharing his past with his grandchildren and they got to learn things about him that if they hadn’t spent the time fishing with him they might not of ever learned about him. Those moments were the invisible gifts from one generation to the next.

Grandparents are in the perfect position to give gifts that unlock life. These gifts may be invisible to others, but they are always visible to their grandchildren. What a perfect opportunity to breathe life upon a grandchild. The invisible gift. I’ll take it. Wrap up lots of them for me and make that to go! The joy will be priceless.

Toddler or Seuss Landing?

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms by

Sometimes living with a toddler can seem like you are living in Seuss Landing?  We all know how exhausting a toddler can be for both parents and grandparents. One of the best things you can do for your children is pinch hit when they need it and your schedule permits. Of course, you’ll also have to be in pretty good shape to hold your own with an active child. Don’t be discouraged if your grandchild balks initially at being separated from her parents. Sometimes this will happen even if you are a regular visitor.

 One of the most important lessons that your grandchild learns during this period is autonomy. She becomes aware of herself as a separate person who want to do things for herself. The toddler demonstrates her autonomy and her desire for more of it by mastering her own body, including walking, climbing, jumping and grabbing things and letting them go. She learns to control her bodily functions. 

 Toilet training is another of those areas that can drive parents nuts. Unfortunately, there always seem to be good reasons for parents to begin toilet training that have nothing to do with the child. In the nineteenth and early twentieth century, toilet training wa begun very early, not only because there were no washing machines or disposable diapers, but also because it was believed that regularity was important to good health. In 1914, The U. S. Children’s Bureau recommended that toilet training begin at three months or earlier!  Though hardly anyone would suggest starting this early today, more and more parents feel pressured because they are sending their kids to day-care facilities that only accept children who are already out of diapers.

Remember to maintain some perspective and a good sense of humor. Also remember that everyone seems to get the hang of toilet training by the time they move on to other challenges, such as getting a driver’s license, taking college entrance exams, or getting married!

The toddler’s search for autonomy is enshrined in the fold wisdom concept of the terrible twos. Unlike the infant who expresses her discomfort by crying, the toddle makes her feeling felt far more directly. Since the child is now  verbal, she can object with a resounding “NO” to your suggestions. Since she is mobile, she can walk or run away when you call her or tell her to do something. For example, you may be trying to get home by a certain hour and you want her to sit in her stroller so you can  get there as quickly as possible. She wants to walk and tells you so. You try to put her in her stroller and she tries to wiggle out as you try to buckle her in. It can just drive you crazy!

Although such behavior can try the patience of the most saintly mother or grandmother, it is important to appreciate such words and behavior for what they are: natural assertions of your childs or grandchild autonomy. And they do pass! Don’t worry they move up to preschooler status. One of the most important things we can do with our grandchildren during the preschool years is play. Play does not begin with the preschooler, of course; it starts earlier, and ideally it should be a lifelong activity. But there ar a few reasons for giving it special attention at this point in the child’s development. In earlier generations going to college was a significant achievement and getting into a good school was an important part of children’s high school experiences, today parents want to be sure that their children get into the right preschool, kindergarten, or elementary school.

 Toy and game manufacturers have been quick to capitalize on this enthusiasm by developing specifically educational toys and slapping the label “educational” on almost anything they produce in the hope it will attract more buyers. It is certainly not my intention to criticise products or activities that prepare children for school. I am an enthusiastic supporter of any program that promotes education by strengthening families and increasing the involvement of parents in their children’s lives.

However, it seems that parents and grandparents can get so involved in preparing children for formal school that they often forget just how valuable play is in this preparation.

 More than once I’ve been introduced to someone’s precocious child or grandchild who has already been taught to read or do math or who has memorized the state capitals. Whether we’re talking about formal games with specific rules to be learned and followed, competitive games with winners and losers, or just fooling around by dressing up and pretending, never underestimate the importance of play!

Chose Your Own Grandparenting Style

Posted in Books, Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Women by

 The Power of Myths reminds me of the classic children’s story “Little Red Riding Hood” it has almost all the main features of one stereotyped image of a grandparent.

Once upon a time, at the edge of a large forest there stood a tiny cottage almost hidden by the trees. In it a little girl lived with her mother. The little girl could often be seen in her hood and red  cape flitting among the tall trees. Her grandmother had made the hood and cape for her and because the little girl always wore them, she was called Little Red Ridding Hood.

Red Riding Hood’s grandmother is old and feeble, caring and gift-giving, and lives within convenient walking distance (wolves not with standing) of her granddaughter. There are probably some grandparents who fit this image. There are probably even more who wish they matched some parts of it. But in today’s world, many grandparents are neither old nor feeble.

They don’t eat chocolate cake or drink creamy milk especially when they’re sick. Their lives are not focused on their grandchildren but on their jobs, friends and social activities. Oh! We can’t forget that some of us can end up spending all day trying to figure out how to use our latest techie devices.

 Often they don’t live on the other side of the woods but on the other side of the country, on another continent, or at least somewhere where the winters are milder and the weather is sunnier. However grandparents are enjoying their beach cottages and mountain cabins. Aren’t they?

 One morning Little Red Riding Hood’s mother packed a basket full of homemade  goodies that included a chocolate cake, a jar of strawberry jam and a bottle of creamy milk. She told Little Red Ridding Hood to take this basket to your grandmother because she was sick in bed and this food will do her good and it will make her happy. I would’ve preferred a cup of tea and a piece of toast myself. 

My friends and I didn’t realize how powerful myths could be until we became a grandparents. We have discovered that when it comes to the topic of family life how surprised we were to see how many people are still clinging to idealized images from the past.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with having romantic and nostalgic ideas but if we walk around feeling that our lives are only second best because things were once better it can sap all our strength. And if we invest our energy trying to live the way we imagine people used to live we’re bound to be disappointed.

Grandparents are living longer that in the first half of the century, the grandparenting phase might last two or three decades or more.

 In short, grandparenting has developed as an independent role in the family cycle and often extends as long or longer than parenting.

Here are a few questions grandparents can ask themselves when choosing their grandparenting style.

What kinds of things to you enjoy doing? What special skills do you have?  How much time do you have available and how much do I want to spend grandparenting? What are your children’s and grandchildren’s needs? What religious and ethnic traditions do you want to pass on to your grandchildren? 

Keep in mind there is still no set definitions of what makes you a good grandparent any more that whats makes a good grandchild. The consensus about what makes us good grandparents makes it easier for each of us to reinvent grandparenting in own style and enjoy our roles.

A Slice Of Life

Posted in Chidren, family, generational changes, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Women by

Having fun with our kids is like a slice of pie. Think about a pie not as a fruit pie, but as a pie of life with slices that define different, slices of family life. One slice is childhood, the next slice is the parenting years, followed by the early adult slice and the largest slice is the empty nest years.

 If we live out our average life expectancy, we will spend twice as many years as adults together with our children, than when they were living at home with us. When a group of my friends got together we talked about our relationships with our parents. Some of us got along well with them, others did not. When we probed the reasons, it had a lot to do with parenting patterns developed during childhood.

 In other words, how we parent our young kids might shape our relationship with them when they grow up. We figured out that the ones who wanted to be friends as adults and spend time together, not out of obligation but, because they enjoyed each other and had moms who included fun as one of their family values. They seemed to be the moms who adult children wanted to spend time with for all the right reasons.

You might be asking yourself what does fun look like?  Just look around you and watch other fun families. You’ll notice they can have fun and be fun even in unlikely places. Like the grocery store or waiting in line at the DMV. Fun is an attitude as much as an activity. And to have fun, we have to be fun, which means lightening up.

Throughout the years, the activities changed. We went from having fun with preschoolers which was fairly simple. They loved to play and loved the attention they got when we did almost anything together. When our kids got older, their fun included their friends, which meant stretching the family circle to make those friends feel welcome in our homes. We agreed that parenting includes the responsibility to shape appropriate fun as kids grow up, which was easier when their friends gathered at our houses.

 The best advice offered was to learn to let go of our own expectations and stop trying to  Besides, our best and most humorous family memories often came out of those unexpected out comes. Friendships with our adult children evolve as slowly as our parenting bumped and bounced from controlling to influencing to simply encouraging and enjoying.

The fun we have along the way is not so much about doing things, as about being in relationships that allowed for growth and embraced our differences. It’s been said, that being friends and having fun with our adult children is the best slice of the pie of life!

 

Moms Night Out

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Moms by

Throughout history moms have been applauded for their ability to do many different roles.

Some moms are cab drivers. “I’ll pick you up after school.” No computer for one hour for hitting your brother. Still others fashion consultants: Don’t forget your coat its cold outside or great at compromises; tonight’s special is pizza or pizza. Which can I interest you in?

Moms seem to have three pairs of eyes. One pair that see through closed doors another in the back of her head and,of course, the ones in front that can look at their child when they goof up and say I understand and I love you without so much as uttering a word.

Moms deliver their lines with laughter, smiles or a straight face and they always have a twinkle in their eyes because they know they’re responsible for the well-being of their children. Whether they are burping a three-month baby, wrestling with a two-year old girl who wants to put glue in her hair, or comforting a six-year-old boy who didn’t make the team. Moms always know what to say. Don’t they? 

With their knowledge and insight into the hearts of their babies whether two-months or twenty-six moms may not have all the answers. But they know the best answer is usually just a smile and a hug. Because that’s what moms do best. Forget the applause! Moms can take home all the trophies and awards . But the biggest reward is always love of their children.

Motherhood is like Albania you can’t trust the brochures you have to go there. Oh! What a power motherhood is possessing a potent spell. Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

When you have your own children they’re a part of you and part not-you and then they get away from you and part of you goes with them. But you have to try to remember that part of you that’s you and not them. That way, you can let them go. It’s been said that a mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary. 

Moms dilemma is to clean the house or girls night out? I say choose the girls night out. The trouble with cleaning the house is that it gets dirty the next day anyway. So skip a week if you have to. The children are the most important thing and moms night out is important for moms too. 

Moms should never miss a girls night out is because their children will grow up and leave and their girlfriends don’t. Dads and grandparents love moms night out with the girls because they get to spend time with the kids.  

Create A Family Value’s List

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life by

 What are your top five family values?  What traits do you hope your child or grandchildren will have as an adult? 

 Using the following five strategies in the acronym “TEACH”  can help you decide which traits really mean the most to you.

T- Target the value you want to apply right this minute in your home. Focus on only one at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed and spin you wheels trying to do to much. Many moms and grandmothers target a different key value each month. Write down your choices so you don’t forget.

E- Exemplify this value in your own everyday behavior. The easiest way for children and grandchildren to learn any new value is by actually seeing it in action. So intentionally start looking for ways to tune up your chosen value anytime you’re with your children or grandchildren.

A- Accentuate the targeted value in simple ways. For example, if respect is your targeted value seize the opportunity to make a point about treating all people with dignity by showing respect to the people in your life. 

C-Catch your children displaying the value and praise them for it. ” Hey, I know it was hard to admit you broke your brother’s hockey stick. I appreciate your honesty.

H- Highlight the value of the value. ” I loved how you smiled at Grandma today. That was being really kind. Did you see how her face lit up? Whenever you’re kind, it helps make the world a better place.” Whenever you highlight a value be sure you name the value and tell your child exactly how they made a different.

Here is an example of a few values : assertiveness, caring, charitableness, courage, excellence, fairness, friendliness, dependability, determination, generosity, helpfulness, honesty,industriousness, kindness, joyousness, politeness, tolerance, understanding, unselfishness, wisdom, purposefulness and a hundred more words that describe family values. This is something that grandparents can do to.

Use Your Imagination

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Life, Moms, relationships by

Hold your breath and make a wish then Count to three! Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination.

 Take a look and you’ll see into your imagination. We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation. What we’ll see will defy explanation.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it do you wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there you’ll be free if you truly wish to be. If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it and there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination living there.

You’ll be free if you truly wish to be now hold your breath, make a wish, and count to three.” Doesn’t that describe how we feel in many situations in life? For some of us it can be when our son or daughters call us and ask, Mom are you sitting down? I have something to tell you and we wait with bated breath in a state of suspenseful anticipation, as they say “We are going to have a baby”.

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination and take a look and see into your imagination.” As I read these words it reminds of the first two years of life and it’s a season when a child’s imagination is pure. When we find out that a family is expecting a baby right away imaginations are sparked and we think to ourselves what color are the baby’s eyes?  Will they be the color of his or her mother, father, aunt, uncle or maybe a grandparent or a great-grandmother that we loved so much.  

Then we wonder what gender is the baby a girl or a boy. Our imaginations travel through the past, present, and future in our imaginations with all kinds of questions about a baby while it’s being created. Don’t we?

We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation and what we’ll see will defy explanation.” Birth through the toddler years seem to defy explanation one, two, three and we are spinning, traveling together into the world of creation again.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it is there anything you want to do, do it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it.” My mom use to say. “It’s not the destination but the journey that counts.” Aren’t we lucky that we have opportunities to spark children’s and grandchildren’s imaginations and that they spark our imaginations too?