Category Archives: relationships

“Do Activities With Your Sweetheart”

Posted in Family Values, Love, Marriage, relationships, Romace by

Dinner For TwoCouples who do things together are couples who have good relationships. If they’re schussing down the slopes or batting tennis balls across a net or scouring the countryside for antiques or cooking up a storm in the kitchen or spending a leisurely day at home together or building a house for Habitat for Humanity or singing in a choir or running a business together. . .  then you can be almost certain that their love is strong.

It’s not that you must spend every minute of your lives in each other’s company to have a good relationship. Every individual needs some space, but the more you bathe in each other’s aura, the stronger the ties that bind will be.

Just because you’re drawing breath in the same room doesn’t mean that you’re together. Passive time, like sleeping in the same bed, watching the same glowing TV all night, reading different  sections of the same newspaper, or taking on the phone to other people, doesn’t build a relationship. To brew a strong relationship, you must mix both the quantity and the quality of the time you  spend together.

When choosing activities to do together you are planning for the long haul. There will come a time when your children have left the nest and you’ll want to be able to fill the time with activities you both enjoy.

“If I’m Ever Stranded I Hope It’s In A Bookstore”

Posted in Books, Keepsakes, Life, Movies, Romace by

I Love BooksMy whole life, I have been very interested in the potential held in things. I love beginnings, when all is possible and everything could be fantastic and nothing has stepped up to the plate to disappoint me. There is nothing I like more than feeling  the weight of a book in my hands and wondering what the story inside might be and if I’m ever stranded I hope it’s in a bookstore.  I feel an overwhelming excitement at the beginning of reading a book, and I  am sure that this love of pure possibility must be (along with how they smell) one of the reasons I adore newborn babies. I can‘t wait to see who they might turn out to be.

I can’t  wait to experience the emotions that will come to the surface. Will I laugh till I cry or will I cry till I laugh? Will I think about experiences I’ve shared with friends from my early school years? Will I be taken back to a time in my childhood when I was a happy and carefree sixth grader riding my bike down to school or to the beach. Will I feel like I just stepped into a Norman Rockwell painting ? Will I think about my first love, my wedding day or the birth of my children? Will I agree or disagree with the author? Will I be moved to make a change in my life, community or even globally because of what some one wrote in a book? Will I give up one or two hours of sleep for this book because it speaks to my heart and soul? Will I feel energized and motivated the next day? Will it seem as though the author knew me and I just know the book was just for me?

Every time I walk into a lovely used  book store  or browse through my local library I am full of excitement and anticipation and I can’t help but wonder what adventure will I be taken on while browsing through all those wonderful books?  Every now and then a movie comes along that resonates with us it maybe a romantic comedy, drama, religious, political or your favorite childhood movie but one thing that is guaranteed you’ll be thinking about possibilities.  One of my favorite movies is a 1940s movie called “The Shop Around The Corner “The Shop Around The Corner Kralik , puts a red carnation in his lapel and finally reveals to Miss Novak that he is in fact her mystery correspondent . . . her “dear friend” and the two kiss and embrace. While watching the movie you just think  they are perfect for each other but will they or wouldn’t they fall in love?  That’s the question!

In the 1981 film “Steel Magnolias“Steele Magnolias at her daughters funeral and  after the other mourner have left. M’Lynn  ( Sally Field) breaks down in hysterics in front of four of her best friends crying out in anger “WHY” and her friends are able to give support to her through love and humor. Later M’Lynn begins to accept her daughter’s death and focuses her energy on helping raise her grandson and life goes on.  Toward the end of  Steel Magnolias you might feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster ride full of sadness when M’Lynn is asking “WHY” and is expressing her anger that her daughter died. I always cry, cry, cry,  then I start feeling better as M’Lynn goes from asking “WHY” to loving and enjoying her grandson and I find myself returning to joy  and laughter as I watch her with her with family, friends and grandson enjoying an Easter Egg hunt.

In the 1998 movie “You’ve Got Mail“You've Got Mail Joe, known as “Ny152”  mysteriously postponed meeting shop girl in the beginning of the movie and at the end of the movie they finally meet for the first time. Brinkley, Joe’s golden retriever, who is the topic of many e-mails is with him and Kathleen admits that she had wanted “NY152” to be Joe so badly, and the two kiss.  “Brinkley” Joes golden retriever steals the show and once again we are reminded anything is possible. Shop Girl forgives Ny152 for being part of the big business world that contributed to closing  her family  book store that she had inherited   from her mother . . .  there we have it a Hollywood ending . . .  they happily ever after.

“Sometimes Reclaiming Your Life Means Giving Up The Fariy Tale”

Posted in Divorce, Dreams, family, friendships, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

Couple in conflictHave you ever felt that you walked the path of your life alone? That you were the only woman who has ever made a painful, stupid mistake? That you settled for less than you deserved?  Did you desperately desire love above all else? Did you yearn for a real partner so much it hurt: Have you ever thought “Why is every woman but me in a great relationship?  “Why can’t I be that happy?” Or found yourself rejected by the person you loved and it left you feeling that something was wrong with you?

When a devastating breakdown of a relationship ends it can feel like a wild boar‘s tusk ripping through your heart. You can become convinced that you are the only woman who has ever made a complete mess of your life. You feel alone, rejected, and furious that you had deceived yourself for so long. That you had given up on “yourself” to keep the love of another for years, only to be left with a heart torn to shreds.

What women learn shortly after the initial blow of their relationship’s end is that, they failed to understand above all else, is that they needed to honor the most important relationship of all “the one with themselves.” The ending of a relationship becomes the beginning of a journey for women  to learn many things about themselves and how to love and honor themselves.

The journey of being a woman can seem crazy and confusing but for better or worse, women have many of the same stories, heartbreak, obstacles, and expectations. The good news is that women don’t have to remain captive to the limiting beliefs swirling in their psyches and in society, which keeps them far from their dreams. We always have a choice. Along life’s path, we all have the opportunity to gain wisdom from our mistakes, the self-awareness that comes from healing our wounds, and clarity by claiming our needs.

If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power that is available to heal our hearts and teach us how to love ourselves, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations will be lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us.

I, too relied on the wisdom and support of many women, some of them total strangers, to progress through my journey to wholeness.  By watching others and listening, I learned that to fully and wholeheartedly love another I first needed to fully and wholeheartedly embrace ” myself.” This realization is a major source of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge and experiences with  other women. Women need to share the wisdom gained on their personal path as they went from being a person they thought they had to be to be loved to being the one they actually are.

In them I gained wisdom while on my personal path as I went from being  a person I thought I knew and loved to being one I actually do know and love. We shared our stories about living ordinary lives, raising children, creating a safe home life, the ups and downs of stay at home moms to the working moms. Some of us were married and some single. We talked about many issues like paying bills, being young, and getting older and the list goes on and on and lets not forget divorce as well. We also talked about trying to find sources of love and happiness but often looking in the wrong places. When we stopped and took a careful look at the life we had created and honesty answered this question “Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life first?  The one with my self and God.

We discovered reclaiming our lives meant giving up the fairy tale that we had created about ourselves and instead finding out what reality was. The new path may did not seem clear at the beginning to us  and we felt like we were fumbling in the dark grabbing for something to hold to, then one of my dear friends said, remember this is a normal feeling and keep moving forward and don’t go back. During this time we discovered within ourselves the spirit of survivor and a deeper faith we never knew existed.

 We also learned that loving ourselves is knowing ourselves, enjoying and valuing the women that we are, and understanding that getting to know ourselves and God  is a lifelong personal enterprise. It meant that we needed to  appreciate ourselves as much as we appreciate the ones we love. Loving ourselves is recognizing our gifts and talents and then putting them to good use, acknowledging our flaws and forgiving ourselves for them. We learned that loving ourselves was reaching for more, it was reaching for the best, in ourselves. We discovered that our hearts can only hold as much love as we believe it can. So often women put up with shabby treatment in love because they don’t believe they deserve better or they are still stuck in fairy tale thinking.  So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated even more wonderfully in love than any fairy tale woman has ever been. 

Carol. M.

“Flowers Are love’s Truest Language”

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, family, Life, Love, Marriage, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Weddings by

The Flower GirlFlowers are a beautiful addition to any wedding decor, as well as a lovely adornment for the wedding party. Brides make sure they choose flowers with care and consideration to enhance their ceremony. It’s been said, that during Victorian times, lovers would send messages to each other using different flowers, with each flower having its own meaning. These associations were soon adopted for the bride’s bouquets and are still used today by many brides. Isn’t that romantic?

During Roman times, brides and grooms wore floral garlands to signify new life and hope for fertility. The custom of the bride carrying flowers has its roots in ancient times. Strong smelling herbs and spices were thought to ward off and drive away evil spirits and ill-health.

Flowers are love’s truest language and here is a few of the most popular wedding flowers preferred by brides today and their symbolic meanings.

  • Anemones: Represents expectations and they bloom in either single or double blossoms an is in season from fall (Japanese) to spring (Wood or De Can)
  • Baby’s Breath: Represents innocence and is best used as a filler in bouquets, corsage and are in season year round.
  • Calla Lily: Means magnificent beauty and this large tropical flower is very popular in weddings.
  • Carnations: Pink represents boldness, red symbolizes love and white indicates talent, some other colors have negative connotations. Carnations are in season all year-round and have a very light fragrance or none at all.
  • Chrysanthemum or Mum: Meaning wealth, abundance, truth and the name literally means “Golden Flower” used most often in the fall.
  • Daffodil: Meaning regard and is most often used in the spring.
  • Daisy: Meaning share your feelings and are in season year-round.
  • Freesia: Meaning innocence and spring brides enjoy the sweet fragrance of the freesia flower.
  • Gardenia: Meaning purity and joy.
  • Hydrangea: Meaning understanding and is used by spring and fall wedding bouquets and arrangements.
  • Iris: Meaning a message of faith, wisdom and spring brides enjoy this beautiful flower as part of their wedding bouquets.
  • Lilac: Meaning love’s first emotions with a strong fragrance. A little flower fact: The local lilac is grown like a bush, and is used as a filler because of the greenery. The French lilac is more flower like and can be used as such in bouquets and arrangements. This exotic flower comes in a variety of colors and sizes.
  • Lily of the Valley: Meaning happiness and these small, fragile, bell-shaped flowers are considered traditional marriage flowers.
  • Magnolia: Love of nature and are best used for flower arrangements by spring or summer brides.
  • Orchid: Meaning love, beauty and is best used for bouquet, boutonnieres and corsages.
  •  Roses:  Meaning love, joy and they are the most popular wedding flower.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
  •   Stephanotis: Meaning marital happiness. They are best used for bouquets and arrangements. Brides love their trumpet shape blossoms consider them traditional bridal flowers, no doubt due to their meaning.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
  • Tulips: Meaning love, passion this flower is a favorite for spring brides. Flower fact: These sweet and stately flowers can be found in myriad of colors. Let’s not forget the Sunflower many country brides love their sunflowers!

Brides and Grooms will be celebrating World Marriage Day on the second Sunday in February and it honors husbands and wives as the basic units of society, and statutes for “the beauty of their faithfulness, sacrifice, and joy in daily married life. This is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate with flowers that express your truest love language to your sweetheart.

Carol. E.

“A Little Bit Of Love”

Posted in friendships, Life, Love, Marriage, relationships, Romace, Women by

A Country Girls WeddingAlways remember I love you in February, April, and May; in December and all through the winter. In spring, and through long hot summer days. Always remember I love you, and when I am far away. . . know that you are close to my heart and from the start no one could take your place. I am so happy to have found you and to spend my days walking along with you. Knowing you are always there for me reminds of just how much you mean to me too.

I’m a little bit more in love with you each morning when I wake up. I’m  little bit more in love with you every time you say my name. I’m a little bit more in love with you every  time you walk into the room. I’m a little bit more in love with you everyday. I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow. I love you in good times an I’ll love you in sorrow. I’ll take you just the way you are or any way you choose to be because I love you.

The day you came into my life . . . the sun shone brighter, the flowers opened wider, the stars spun in the sky and my heart was happy. Thank you for believing in me when I pushed you away.Thank you for taking the time to  help me find my way. Thank  you for standing beside me. Thank you for each day you were there for me. Thank you for riding through the rough waters of change with me and holding my hand but most of all thank you for loving me.

“The Christmas Story Telling Traveling Man”

Posted in Life, relationships by

couples_dancingHe met her up in Delaware in 1937 she was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress. It was December 24th at a quarter till eleven when he finally gained the courage to ask her to dance. It was the night before Christmas, it was love at first sight and the Carolers sang as they danced through the night. She was a small town girl, he was a traveling guy. He never caught her name before they said their goodbyes.

A couple of years later he was on the road having Christmas dinner in a dinner alone. When he, saw a young waitress with a gleam in her eye her favorite day of the year, she showed her spirits were high. She said, can you share a little holiday cheer? A simply Christmas story was all she wanted to hear.

 He looked prepared with a smile as he started to say, here’s my favorite Christmas story it’s about a girl with no name.He said, I met her in Delaware in 1937. She was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress  December 24th at a quarter to eleven when I finally gained the courage to ask her to dance. Every Holiday Season as he traveled telling about his Christmas dance partner the he never knew well he’d share his favorite story with the locals he met. He was called the Christmas story telling traveling man. 

By the age 53 he had done settled down. All the neighborhood kids liked to gather around just to listen to his stories about his life on the road. All he had known were these children he told. And every Christmas Eve they showed up before dark he’d tell them all the story but they knew it by heart. They could quote it word for word, he always told it the same. It was his favorite Christmas Story called the girl with no name.

He said, I met her up in Delaware in 1937 she was wearing red lipstick to match her pretty dress.It was December 24th at a quarter till eleven is when I finally gained the courage to ask her to dance.Twenty years later as he took his last breath it was a cold Christmas morning on a hospital bed. The Children were grown, he had nobody left except the little old nurse who was holding his hand.

He said, Ma’am can you share a little holiday cheer? A simple Christmas Story was all he wanted to hear. But his eyes filled with tears at the words that she spoke because his favorite Christmas story was the one that she told.She said, I met him up in Delaware. It was 1937 on December 24th at a quarter to eleven. He was a traveling man. I’m so glad he got the courage to ask me to dance. 

“Romance After The Honeymoon”

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, Kissing, Life, Love, Marriage, relationships by

Making MemoriesRomance is the champagne and frosted glasses of love, the magic that gives love a tango dance to, a fragrance  to remember, and a fantasy-come-true to hold in your heart.

Romance is the antidote to ordinariness, the inspiration for passion; whenever you fold it into your relationship, you instantly elevate it to a more delicious state of being.

Romanced, you feel beautiful or handsome; life becomes ripe with hope; the moon, stars,and planets bathe you in a cascade of beneficent light; and you believe that everything is possible—-your sweetest, wildest, and most cherished dreams will certainly come true. At least that’s certainly how we feel in the rosy blush of new romance. But the feeling of romance doesn’t just stick around all by itself. As time goes on, it takes effort , ingenuity, intuition, and sometimes even a willingness to feel foolish, to keep the moonlight magical. 

That’s because somewhere along the line, without quite paying attention, we stop doing the things that kindled romance in the first place: we forget to bring the long-stemmed roses and to whisper the sweet nothings: we leave the lights on (or off), we trade in the black lingerie for flannel pajamas. In short, we start treating one another as roommates instead of passionate lovers.

But we can still have romance in our lives, no matter how we’ve been together. Chill the glasses. Remember the roses. Install a new dimmer, light the candles, and forget about the candle drip-dripping on the table. Play the song you first heard on your honeymoon. Dress the bed in red sheets. Drive up the hill to watch the sunset and kiss (and kiss) in the car.

Every so often, Dave plays a romantic SOS trick on his wife Stella. He calls her up from somewhere, says he’s having trouble with his car, and asks if she can please come pick him up. When she arrives, it turns out he’s fully wrapped a present it might be a  dress or a sexy new night-gown.He checks them into a room and orders dinner from room service. After dinner, they go dancing and then make passionate love. Needless to say, Stella is ecstatic every time.

When it comes to kindling romance, you have to be willing to be creative, even if at first you feel shy or embarrassed. Remember, you weren’t embarrassed by all those love notes and love songs when you were falling in love. The art of romance takes practice. The more you allow yourself to stretch the limits of what feels comfortable to you. (And if you’re the receiver of these endeavors to enchant, be sure to respond with appreciation.  If you do you will definitely increase the romance quotient in your life.

So whatever your particular romantic preferences may be, be sure to indulge them as much as you can.Don’t let opportunities slip through the cracks. Like the relationship it will embellish, romance is a very special art form whose greatest reward is the joy if true passion.

A Letter To Mom

Posted in Chidren, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, relationships by

There is a little girl in all of usDear Mom, Now that I have children and grandchildren of my own, I’m beginning to realize what a challenge it is to find the balance between encouraging them to continually strive to do better and instilling confidence in them and letting  them know that I’m happy with their best efforts.

I’d like to know your secret, because you’ve always seemed to know just how to do that with me.In school, of course you wanted me to make straight A’s, but if I’d truly done my best and gotten a B or a C, I didn’t have to be afraid  to tell you. You let me know that you wanted my best, not perfection.

Even though I wasn’t the best athlete, no one in the bleachers looked prouder than you, and knowing that pushed to keep trying and improving. Thank you, Mom for being my inspiration. Love, your child.

Why I’m thankful you were my mom…

 You never tired of practicing words with me the night before the spelling bee.You comforted me when things went wrong.You ran to help me when I fell and told me funny stories to ease my pain.You wiped away my tears, held me close, and loved me. In your arms there was shelter from the storms of life, peace when my heart was troubled; joy when the day was dark.

Your love never failed me.You forgave me when I messed up.You patiently cleaned up the many spilled glasses of milk with only a gently reminder to be more careful the next time.You listened as if I was the only person in the world.You inspired me to do my best.You taught me about God’s love.You made our house a home.You always believed in me.You cheered me on even when no one else thought I stood a chance, you always cheered me on!

Mom,If I had a flower for every time I have thought of you, I could walk in our garden forever.I know other beautiful things in life come in twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds.There are plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters,aunts and cousins, comrades and friends. . . but I only had one mother in the whole world.

 

“Ruth- Ann Is Gettin’ Hitched”

Posted in Brides and Grooms, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, Moms, relationships, Romace by
 

"Grace was in her steps,heaven in her eyes."

Late one night, Ruth- Ann came home from a date with her boyfriend.

Her crestfallen face was streaked with tears.” You look as gloomy as a treed coon”, said her mama. What’s wrong, darlin’?

“Billy- Ray proposed to me tonight,” Ruth Ann replied. “Well, hush my mouth!” her mama shouted with joy. “Ain’t that the bee’s knees! So why the long face?

” He don’t believe there’s a hell.” “Marry him anyway.” advised her mama. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is!”

“Wedding Bliss In A Shoe Box”

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, Family Values, Life, Love, Marriage, relationships, Weddings by

 Wedding Bliss                                                                                       

Stella and Johnny spent their fiftieth wedding anniversary reminiscing about how amazing their wedding was. Stella said, it seemed like each flower bloomed on que and represented their love for each other, the candles were bright and dancing, the wedding party didn’t miss a step as the wedding march played. 

It was a grand wedding and after the I do’s and good byes Stella’s, elderly grandmother Sadie, stopped Stella and reminded her of the two promises that Stella, had made to her when she announced her wedding plans.  Stella,reassured Sadie,that she was looking forward to fulfilling her grandmothers requests. 

The first request was that Stella and Johnny would spend their honeymoon in Niagara Falls, New York because it was family tradition. The second request was that Stella would always keep mad money in the shoe box on the shelf in her closet and that Johnny would never snoop in it. Sadie, gave her a decorated wedding shoe box that she called, her “wedding bliss box” and promised her grand-daughter that it would work.

After Johnny carried Stella across the threshold of their first home, she placed a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked him never to touch it. For fifty years Johnny left the box alone. But one day, while he was searching for the deed to their house, he spotted the box. Caving in to temptations, he opened it. To his surprise, he found two doilies and $75,000 in cash. He put the box back in the closet. Puzzled about what he had found, he confessed to Stella that he had opened the box and begged her to explain the contents. 

“Grandma Sadie”, gave me her shoe box just as I was getting ready to walk down the aisle, to say my wedding vows,” Stella explained. “She told me to make a doily for every time I became mad at you and we would enjoy a long and happy marriage” Johnny was genuinely touched that in a half century, his wife had been mad at him only twice. ” So where did the $75.000 come from?” he asked.”Oh, replied Stella’s, “that’s the money I made from selling the rest of the doilies.”  Stella, smiled and under her breath thanked her grandmother for the best advice a bride could receive.

“Two Special Women In One Man’s Life”

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Parenting, Planning A Wedding, Psychology, relationships, Romace, traditions, Weddings, Women by

Since the beginning of time loving brides and grooms have had the privilege of picking out their life partners. However, it’s a different story for the groom’s mother when she becomes partners fused together with her daughter in law after the “I Do’s.”  Mother in-laws have shared that at first they find their new role was a daunting challenge especially if she wasn’t consulted or didn’t give her consent. But it’s a challenge that can be overcome the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is without question is like a complicated dance.

Yet, by the very nature of the relationship, the two are expected to immediately move freely and beautifully in synchronized harmony. Rarely is this connectedness and closeness realized overnight. He does, She does but what about you, the mother of the groom can you take her? The candles are lit, the room grows with a soft yellow hue, the groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar.  As all eyes eagerly watch the closed-door at the chapel’s entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. As the doors swing open, the bride’s heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make that long-awaited, slow walk down the aisle of matrimony.

But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music. Her mother-in-law to-be is also called to respond to the melody! While the young woman in white moves gracefully with the music toward her chosen one, the song calls the mother of the groom to graciously step to the side. In reality, the wedding processional is not just for the bride, it is also a cue for a lifelong dance to begin for two special women in one man’s life.

How true it is that so much changes for a family when the adult children fall in love and marry. Suddenly that are new members who, by decree of law and circumstance, are expected to be embraced and included into the fold. By all means, the challenge is a daunting one, especially for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. The daughter-in-law who may have chosen to join with her husband in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship she is expected to melt into a household of family members that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

The reality is that every holiday, every special occasion, even the continuance for the coming generations pivot on the choice to unite families through marriage. Whether the parents-in-law or the adult children realize it or not, the choices that are made are life-altering for the entire family. For most parents, the grace to love and enfold those new family members by law is a mere continuum of the parental love they enjoy with own kids. However, there are those situations that may require an attitude adjustment. What does a parent do when their child’s preference of a mate is contrary to their personality or taste?  Or what if the offspring ventures outside of their culture, social class, or religion? Is is possible to accept and even cherish the chosen one when they are an unnatural fit? And what about the daughter-in-law? What is she supposed to do when she’s thrust into a new family that may already established traditions, modes of interactions, and common activities that perhaps she doesn’t readily accept or enjoy? She, along with her mother-in-law, can find comfort in knowing that they are not the first to venture out on that sometimes slippery dance floor.

My friend Jane had always dreamed of the day when she would fully embrace a daughter-in-law with the same energy and vitality  with which she loved her own daughter. The two of them always had best of times, they could shop-till-they-dropped with the best of them. Their home was full of the two of them laughter and talking throughout the house when they were together. To Jane’s thinking, adding a daughter-in-law simply ment one more girl with whom to chum around. However Jane’s daughter-in-law was not like Jane’s daughter. She didn’t readily laugh a lot, and she seemed to always isolate herself from the rest of the family. For instance, when the other women were in the kitchen preparing the meal for a family gathering Jane’s daughter in law would sit all alone in the living room quietly leafing through a magazine.

I asked, Jane if she encouraged her to join them and her answer demonstrated the patient wisdom she possessed. Jane replied,  “No.”  As much as I would love for her to feel comfortable being with me and the rest of my  family, I’ve decided to give her space enough to choose whether she stays in the living room or comes into the kitchen. For too long, she’s had someone telling her what to do, and when she didn’t do it fast enough, she was punished. Jane didn’t want to be another person demanding to have their way.

Jane went on to say, I love her and I believe in time she will feel that love. Until then, I will continue to be patient and understanding. “She’s a wonderful wife to my son and that’s all she owes me.” My friend Jane might have selected a different life-partner  for her son when Jane found out that her son was marrying a woman who had a bad life and had been previously married to a man who beat her and her child but instead she decided to love, respect and except her daughter in law the results were amazing.

 Jane learned valuable lessons over the past few years as she has invested into her daughter-in-law. The two women have since grown amazingly close and continue to do so. Jane’s  understanding and kindness has been instrumental in healing hurts of a lovely young women. Jane did it right, and she has reaped the joyous benefits of her choices.  As you establish a rhythm of love and grace, you’ll find that you and your daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law can dance a loving and joyful dance too!

Would Your Rather Clean Your House Than Spend The Day With Your Mother In Law?

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, Dreams, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, grandkids, Life, Love, Marriage, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized, Women by

 Would you rather clean your house than spend the day with your mother in law? A survey by iVillage in 2010 found that 51% of DILs (daughter-in-laws) said, they would rather spend the day cleaning their house than with their MIL ( mother in law); and 28% percent they’d rather have a root canal! A Cambridge University study of hundreds of families over a twenty-year period found that more than 60 percent of the women said, their relationship with their mother-in-law was stressful for them! Daughter-in-laws had a chance to vent about  their mother-in-laws and grandmother in-laws. The answers were immediate, intense, and anxious often saying, “What ever you do, maintain my anonymity. 

They might not apply to you at all, but it’s good to get a window into what DILs are thinking. If you’re sure you want to know what they said, here’s what they said… Thanks, but no thanks when it comes to parenting advice. They want to raise their kids their own way and make their own mistakes. The story you tell about how your son loves your home-baked deserts that you tell just as your daughter in-law brings out the cake she bought at the bakery is an example of a mother in law being passive-aggressive in her  behavior and if you are a mother in law you may be surprised to be told you are still being aggressive even if you are being subtle stop it!  Let’s stop standing on ceremony.

 One daughter in law said, it bothered  her mother in law when she didn’t send her a thank-you note for the baby’s birthday present. She though of her as family and felt like saying, to her mother in law, ” I am not the rude ingrate that you think I am and yes, I am good enough for your son”. It’s sweet that you think your son is so perfect, as long as you also understand that I’m perfect for him. DILs would appreciate it if  their MILs would ask them for some gift ideas and respect the limits  for birthdays and holidays.

They know that they are not like their mother in-laws. But that doesn’t mean they don’t respect the heck out of them.  Remember, she married your son knowing full well that “She married the whole family.” All this  Mother in law business is not a great mystery to daughter in-laws because after all they understand that  their mother in law was the first woman in her husband’s life and have known him longer (and maybe better) than she does. She has taken care of him… and did it very well.  She may be expecting to share holidays and all special occasions with her son’s wife and  family.

The mother in law has her own relationship with her children…the grandchildren and she will usually take her son’s side… even if she doesn’t say so aloud.You can decrease the issues somewhat and sometimes but not all the time. If  you are a mother in law you may be saying to yourself why brother? The answer is simply, you try your best for your grandchildren! You may wonder why should you make the first move? For your grandchildren’s sake that is why! Why let things pass? For your grandchildren that’s why! Let’s start with a few suggestions: See what your daughter-in-law is like with other people, and don’t expect her to be different with you.

On the other hand if she is kind and considerate to other family members and her close friends and not to you. There’s your answer, she doesn’t really like you but you still have to be kind to her for your grandchildren sake! Treat your daughter-in-law with the same patience and politeness you show your own daughter or your close friends or even new acquaintances. The odds are that your daughter-in-law will not have the same kind of personality as your daughter or your close friends because they are like you so go for new acquaintances.

If things get really tough, pretend you’re writing a movie and become an observer instead of participant… it will help to give you psychological distance and enough emotional breathing room to feel in control of your emotions, and sometimes a laugh. Look at the up side of this one you could end up writing a book or a movie script or just feel better and don’t forget to vent with all the other mother in-laws who are in the same boat. Remember you’re not alone just take a few minutes and read any book about DILs and MILs.

 You may be surprised to learn that there are many of blogs used for DILs or MILs as a place to vent. Take a look on-line there are thousands of  women venting about the women in their lives. The most important thing to remember is keep your sense of humor and pray, pray and then pray some more. Want to calm the stormy seas? Here are some tips: Never, never, never…say, “My son is right. Never say, “I think you should. Never say, “I just assumed that…”  You may be asking yourself is there anything we should say? Here are a few suggestions from seasoned mother-in-laws and grandparents…

Tell her stories about your son that will amuse her and interest her and not stories that will make her feel that you think he’s perfect. Make sure you say positive reinforcement statements and yes that can be a challenge when you know in your heart of hearts that she doesn’t like you or resents you but do it for the grandchildren. Say positive statements, like “I respect how you’re raising your kids.” They may not do things the way you did, but it’s a different world today. Find something positive to say that will ring true. Offer to do the dishes or the laundry… or make dinner, be there to help. Don’t be surprised if she tells you “know” that she prefers to it herself it’s an ego issue.  Try saying things like,” Don’t worry; you’re wonderful parents.” They’re probably nervous about every decision they make, and those kind words can make them feel so great and so warm toward you! Your children are wonderful.” All kids go through difficult stages. Tell her your kids did, and they turned out great.

“I’m here if you need me.” You know they’re up on all the latest information about child safety, diet, and development. Just let them know that if they want your advice, they can ask for it and you’ll be happy to share it. Daughter-in-laws usually turn to their mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts before they’ll ask their mother-in-law. Oops! Does that sting? “Keep in mind that all parents feel insecure sometimes.” Parenting can be learned only on the job, and not matter how many blogs and books they read or experts they consult or even if they ask for advice from you, nobody knows their child as they do.

In the Bible, Ruth praise, respects, and loves her mother-in-law, Naomi. Although some of your friends or maybe even you think that your daughter in law (DIL ) feels the same way, most say they are not as lucky as Naomi. They describe their mother in law/daughter in law relationships as one of the most sensitive and complicated relationships they’ve ever had. But at the same time, they know in fact we all know it’s one of the most important relationships we’ll ever have, because if we don’t have a working relationship with our daughter in-laws, we won’t have a relationship that works with our grandchildren! So if you have an excellent relationship with your daughter in law cherish it! And if you don’t, there are things you can do to improve it, the first step is to pray about it and talk to a seasoned mother in-law you respect.

“Gettin’ Hitched The Country Way”

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, Planning A Wedding, relationships, Romace, Weddings by

                                                                                                     

 Country folk paint their sentences in the most vivid and original analogies when it comes to what love is and isn’t. They sew simple words of emotion into quilts of truisms, and season their language with zesty wit and biting rage. There is always an element of truth in these beliefs from the nation’s backwoods and front porches,  reflecting a way of thinking that can touch us all in different ways. 

Those wonderful down-home folks of the farms, mountains, and ranges of America have had plenty to say about love, marriage, breakups, and heartache. If you’ve been smitten by Cupid, you’ll enjoy a few of these country love sayings they are as tender and sweet as honey-dipped chicken wings. You’ll see for yourself that when it comes to romance, the denizens of the hollows, hamlets, and hinterlands of America have their own charming, inventive ways of speaking from the heart.

But heaven help you if you cross them, because there’s another side to country talk that is a furious flurry of poison-tipped barbs aimed at cheaters, ner’er-do-wells, and cads who have broken lovers’ hearts.  If you’re suffering from heartache or you’re seeking revenge over a romance turned sour, you’ll find plenty of boonies-born saying that are as fiery and spicy as chile peppers dipped in homemade horseradish. The sayings have emerged from virtually every nook and cranny of America from lovey-dovey places like Romance, to Arkansas; Sweet lips, Tennessee;   Bridal Veil, Oregon; Matrimony, North Carolina; Valentine, Nebraska; Loving, Oklahoma; and Hearts Content, Pennsylvania. let’s not leave out a few auguished-sounding places like Bitter End, Tennessee; Screamerville, Virginia; Hell Hollow, New Hampshire; Bedlam, Connecticut; Loveless, Alabama; Heartease, Mississippi: Little Hope, Texas; and Farewell, Missouri.

Musins’ About Weddings…

About the beautiful bride, you might say… Grace was in her steps, heaven in her eyes. About the happy groom, you might say… I’m plumb tickled to death to be walkin’ down the aisle of love. The sweet ceremony in describing what a loving and emotional wedding it was you might say… It’d bring a tear to a glass eye. The amazing ceremony, if you’re enjoying the best wedding you’re ever attended, you might say… I’ve been to three country fairs and a  hog butcherin’ but I ain’t never seen notin’  like this before. The happy newlyweds, as you happily walk together out of the church on your wedding day, you might say… I’ve got the world by the tail with a downhill pull. Wedding Sympathy, when seeing the groom walk into the church, you might say… Well, that’s the last real decision he’ll ever make.  

“OLD WIVES  TALES”   

Vows sweetly spoken won’t ever be broken. A lovely day, a lovely bride.  A weepin’ bride will be a laughin’ wife.  A laughin’ bride will be a weepin’ wife. Marry in May, rue the day. Marry  in white, always be right. Mary in blue, always be true.  Marry in brown, live in town.  Mary in black, don’t look back. Marry in green and never be seen. Marry in red, be loved for who you are.

” The Bride Made A Better Offer”

During the wedding rehearsal, John the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer: “I’ll give you one hundred bucks if you’ll change the weddin’ vows.” “What you get ot the part where I’m supposed to promise and love, honor, obey and be faithful to her forever, just leave that part out.”  The next day at the ceremony, when it came time for the groom’s vows. The preacher looked John in the eye and said, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not even look at another woman for as long as you both shall live?”

Stunned speechless, John gulped and looked around as all eyes were on him. Feeling totally betrayed and too afraid to bolt from the altar, he squeaked out, “I will.” When the ceremony was over, the groom, whose shock had turned to anger, pulled the preacher aside and, through clenched teeth, hissed, I thought we had a deal. We did admitted the preacher as he returned the hundred dollars that John had bribed him with and whispered in John’s ear, the bride made me a better offer to change the vows.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 You don’t have to live in lovey-dovey places like Romance, Arkansas or Sweet Lips, Tennessee to enjoy some down home country jokes and stories that have captured the joy of spoonin’, courtin’, gettin’ hitched, and havin’ relations as well as sorrow and rage of gettin’ ditched and gettin’even ones. But you can enjoy romance and gettin hitched the country way no matter where you live in America.

Find The Funny In Your Days

Posted in Divorce, friendships, Humor, Life, Marriage, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Spiritual, Women by

Some gals holler, others get very, very quiet. How do you let people know you are mad? Personally, I’m a walker just let me go for a long walk and talk it out to myself and then I return a different gal. How about you? Are you a cupboard door slammer or maybe you just get very, very quite. Emotions are interesting things aren’t they?  We all have them, we are all affected by them, and we all try to hide them sometimes.

Then there are those gals who cannot hide their emotions and are subject to comments like, “she wears her heart on her sleeve”  or “It is written all over her face.” “Twitching eye-brows, clenched  jaw, blushing checks and pursed lips are telltale sign of our inner fluttering hearts, churning stomachs, indignant sensibilities, or raging hormones. But emotions don’t like to stay hidden for long. In subtle, or not-so-subtle ways, we broadcast our feelings to the world.

Our emotional vocabulary includes some pretty interesting phraseology. We talk about our stomach dropping out, our heart stopping, or blowing our stack. We feel  down in the dumps, hopping mad, in a tizzy, all choked up, in a funk, sick at heart, swamped, and at odds with ourselves. And when it is time for these emotions to come gushing out they take many forms: temper tantrums, endless ranting, sleepless nights, mood swings, critical attitudes, blind rages, constant complaining, pity parties and hissy fits. Unfortunately these very popular options have some serious consequences and if you have experienced  venting to a friend, co-worker or spouse and they have betrayed you by gossiping or even ending the relationship then you clearly understand how hurtful and embracing venting to the wrong person at the wrong time can be.

Proverbs 29:11 says. “Only a fool vents all his feeling, but a wise man hold them back.” That doesn’t mean we should bottle it all up. No, Even God knows we just need to release some of that inner turbulence carefully. Do you have someone you can trust, someone who will never tell what comes up during an angry spat, someone who can listen with understanding, someone you can vent to? Though it comes most naturally to let off steam in the form of angry words or bitter complaints, laughter is a wonderful alternative! Remember the advertising ” Don’t get mad, get Glad!” t.m. Have you ever turned a frustrating event into a funny story? Try it and see if it changes how you feel about the situation. We can sigh about things, or we can laugh. Both these responses release pressure, but which is  the most fun? We laugh so we won’t scream. What ever it is probably won’t go away, so we might as well live and laugh through it.

When we choose to release some of our frustrations with laughter, we allow others around us to relax and join in the chuckle. It’s  not hard to spot complainers, with their furrowed brows and down-turned lips. Their ways of  venting can be downright depressing to those who are forced to endure them. The next time you encounter someone in a such a state of disarray, interrupt their coming tirade and commands, by ” putting your eye brows up.” It might sound silly, but it works. It’s very hard to maintain a frown with arching your eyebrows. First try it on a child their expressions dissolve into a smile and a giggle. Then, their concerns can be talked about without the stormy face. Try it! Remember that in the midst of our fears, our worries, and our stresses, God encourages us to call for Him 24/7 at no charge. We won’t get a busy signal or a voice mailbox. He’s right there, waiting for us. You might  even try texting Him who knows…

Success Is A Mind Set

Posted in Brain Study, Dreams, Life, Psychology, relationships by

In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein.

Researcher Carol Dweck refers to The Natural Genius’s as a “fixed mindset.” In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dweck summarizes three decades of research that demonstrates the enormous impact your views on intelligence and what it takes to succeed have on how you see your own capabilities.

Briefly, when you have a fixed mindset, your energies are focused on performing well and being smart, both of which require you to continually prove yourself. Succeeding does inspire self-confidence for a while. When you’re faced with a setback, however, you often go to great lengths to avoid challenge and failure.

To the fixed-mindset person, intelligence and skill are seen as a sum game. Either you can do math or you can’t. You’re artistic or you’re not. You have what it takes to sell or to be a great speaker or you don’t. Not surprisingly, Dweck found that people who have a fixed mindset are more likely to rate high on the impostor scale.

A major reframe for the Natural Genius involves the recognition that innate talent has remarkably little to do with greatness. Not only can you learn how to any number of things, you can even become great at them, if you’re willing to work at it. As extensive research in the United States and Britain reveals, people who excel in fields from music to sports to chess are the ones who devote the most time in engaged “deliberate practice.”

This involves not just repeated practice but repeated practice based on highly targeted measures and goals. Even people who’ve already reached the top know that staying there requires constant practice. That’s why sports figures are constantly practicing their sports even off-season. This emphasis on continuous improvements is indicative of what Dweck calls a “growth mindset.” In direct contrast to the fixed mindset success is not considered a function of being inherently, gifted, or skilled. Instead the path to mastery is seen as a lifelong learning and skill building.

And because growth-mindset people know how to learn from mistakes and failure, rather than withdrawing from difficult endeavors or becoming discouraged, they redouble their efforts. When you see yourself as a work-in-progress, you’re automatically less likely to experience feelings of inadequacy. Not only is natural talent not required to be competent, having it does not automatically guarantee success. Dweck cites example after example from the world of sports and art of people who started out with only average abilities but were willing ot perceives and wound up doing as well and after better than those who are naturally gifted but fail to apply themselves.

The good news is that effort is available to anyone willing to use it and that includes you. With practice you get better, and when you get better, you feel better. Best of all, you’ll have the hard-won confidence to prove it. Will you encounter setbacks along the way? Bet on it!  The difference is that instead of seeing difficulty and challenge as signs of your ineptness, you now approach them as opportunities to grow and learn. Here’s where the power of self-talk and reframing comes in.

Instead of thinking, I’m unqualified, think, I may be inexperienced but I’m fully capable of growing into the role. In the past, when you were faced with something you’d never done before, you thought, Yikes, I have no idea what I’m doing! Now you tell yourself , Wow, I’m really going to learn a lot, words really do matter. Simply changing how you talk to yourself about a difficulty or a challenge changes how you approach it.

Michelangelo said, “Genius is eternal patience.” writing a dissertation or building a practice or doing anything of consequence takes much time, effort, and patience. Remember that your first draft, first presentation, first painting, or first anything is never going to be as good as your second or your two hundredth. swap your false notions of overnight success for the ideal slow, steady progress, and you’ll discover the true meaning of genius. Remember effort seems to trump ability, challenges are often opportunities in disguise and real success always takes time.