Category Archives: Moms

A Glimpse Into A Little Girls Dream

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, Family Values, Grandparenting, Moms, Parenting by

Sweet Dreams TonightThis captures the small bedtime rituals a little girl as she is settling down for the night, and offers glimpse into a dream time world as the she drifts gently into sleep.  Come along with her and snuggle down, close your eyes , and imagine yourself drifting gently away with her on this sleepy, dreamtime journey as she says  “Night-night” to the world.

Before she goes to sleep at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house they read her favorite “Veggie Tales Stories” to her and they laugh and laugh and laugh and then they give  her lots and lots of  hugs and kisses to their  precious grand-daughter and say, Night-night. She can hardly stop giggling to give them hugs and kisses. Night- night Grandma. Night-night Grandpa she finally says as she stops giggling.

When her mother puts her to bed she reads to her lots and lot of her bedtime stories and at the end she hugs and gives her a goodnight kiss and always says, Night- night. She hugs and kisses her mother back and says, Night-night mommy. When her daddy puts her to bed he reads her a story called “The Little Red Sailboat ” and when the story comes to the end  he hugs and gives her a goodnight  kiss and tells her Night-night.  Night-night, Daddy she replies.

 After they leave the room and tune out the light, she starts to wonder where Big Dog is? There he is. Night-night, Big Dog. Before she goes go to sleep, he kisses Big Dog and Mr. Teddy bear good night. Night-night Big Dog and  Mr. Teddy Bear. Then she asks Miss Kitty if she is sleepy yet and Miss  Kitty is never sleepy . She wonders where does Miss Kitty go at night? Before she goes to sleep she’ll snuggle down and close her eyes and sail away in her little red sailboat over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Night -night again Grandma and Grandpa and then across the pond to say, Night-night, ducks. Night –night sky.

Night -night, Mr. Moon. Night-night,  Sparkly Stars. Night-night, Big World.  Night-night Big dog and Mr. Teddy Bear, are you sleepy yet? She is almost home, now. Night-night, Me. Night-night, You. Night-night Everyone. I don’t know about you but  for a few moments it was sure fun pretending to be sailing with her in The Red Sail Boat.

A Letter To Mom

Posted in Chidren, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, relationships by

There is a little girl in all of usDear Mom, Now that I have children and grandchildren of my own, I’m beginning to realize what a challenge it is to find the balance between encouraging them to continually strive to do better and instilling confidence in them and letting  them know that I’m happy with their best efforts.

I’d like to know your secret, because you’ve always seemed to know just how to do that with me.In school, of course you wanted me to make straight A’s, but if I’d truly done my best and gotten a B or a C, I didn’t have to be afraid  to tell you. You let me know that you wanted my best, not perfection.

Even though I wasn’t the best athlete, no one in the bleachers looked prouder than you, and knowing that pushed to keep trying and improving. Thank you, Mom for being my inspiration. Love, your child.

Why I’m thankful you were my mom…

 You never tired of practicing words with me the night before the spelling bee.You comforted me when things went wrong.You ran to help me when I fell and told me funny stories to ease my pain.You wiped away my tears, held me close, and loved me. In your arms there was shelter from the storms of life, peace when my heart was troubled; joy when the day was dark.

Your love never failed me.You forgave me when I messed up.You patiently cleaned up the many spilled glasses of milk with only a gently reminder to be more careful the next time.You listened as if I was the only person in the world.You inspired me to do my best.You taught me about God’s love.You made our house a home.You always believed in me.You cheered me on even when no one else thought I stood a chance, you always cheered me on!

Mom,If I had a flower for every time I have thought of you, I could walk in our garden forever.I know other beautiful things in life come in twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds.There are plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters,aunts and cousins, comrades and friends. . . but I only had one mother in the whole world.

 

“Ruth- Ann Is Gettin’ Hitched”

Posted in Brides and Grooms, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, Moms, relationships, Romace by
 

"Grace was in her steps,heaven in her eyes."

Late one night, Ruth- Ann came home from a date with her boyfriend.

Her crestfallen face was streaked with tears.” You look as gloomy as a treed coon”, said her mama. What’s wrong, darlin’?

“Billy- Ray proposed to me tonight,” Ruth Ann replied. “Well, hush my mouth!” her mama shouted with joy. “Ain’t that the bee’s knees! So why the long face?

” He don’t believe there’s a hell.” “Marry him anyway.” advised her mama. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is!”

“Two Special Women In One Man’s Life”

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Parenting, Planning A Wedding, Psychology, relationships, Romace, traditions, Weddings, Women by

Since the beginning of time loving brides and grooms have had the privilege of picking out their life partners. However, it’s a different story for the groom’s mother when she becomes partners fused together with her daughter in law after the “I Do’s.”  Mother in-laws have shared that at first they find their new role was a daunting challenge especially if she wasn’t consulted or didn’t give her consent. But it’s a challenge that can be overcome the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is without question is like a complicated dance.

Yet, by the very nature of the relationship, the two are expected to immediately move freely and beautifully in synchronized harmony. Rarely is this connectedness and closeness realized overnight. He does, She does but what about you, the mother of the groom can you take her? The candles are lit, the room grows with a soft yellow hue, the groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar.  As all eyes eagerly watch the closed-door at the chapel’s entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. As the doors swing open, the bride’s heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make that long-awaited, slow walk down the aisle of matrimony.

But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music. Her mother-in-law to-be is also called to respond to the melody! While the young woman in white moves gracefully with the music toward her chosen one, the song calls the mother of the groom to graciously step to the side. In reality, the wedding processional is not just for the bride, it is also a cue for a lifelong dance to begin for two special women in one man’s life.

How true it is that so much changes for a family when the adult children fall in love and marry. Suddenly that are new members who, by decree of law and circumstance, are expected to be embraced and included into the fold. By all means, the challenge is a daunting one, especially for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. The daughter-in-law who may have chosen to join with her husband in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship she is expected to melt into a household of family members that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

The reality is that every holiday, every special occasion, even the continuance for the coming generations pivot on the choice to unite families through marriage. Whether the parents-in-law or the adult children realize it or not, the choices that are made are life-altering for the entire family. For most parents, the grace to love and enfold those new family members by law is a mere continuum of the parental love they enjoy with own kids. However, there are those situations that may require an attitude adjustment. What does a parent do when their child’s preference of a mate is contrary to their personality or taste?  Or what if the offspring ventures outside of their culture, social class, or religion? Is is possible to accept and even cherish the chosen one when they are an unnatural fit? And what about the daughter-in-law? What is she supposed to do when she’s thrust into a new family that may already established traditions, modes of interactions, and common activities that perhaps she doesn’t readily accept or enjoy? She, along with her mother-in-law, can find comfort in knowing that they are not the first to venture out on that sometimes slippery dance floor.

My friend Jane had always dreamed of the day when she would fully embrace a daughter-in-law with the same energy and vitality  with which she loved her own daughter. The two of them always had best of times, they could shop-till-they-dropped with the best of them. Their home was full of the two of them laughter and talking throughout the house when they were together. To Jane’s thinking, adding a daughter-in-law simply ment one more girl with whom to chum around. However Jane’s daughter-in-law was not like Jane’s daughter. She didn’t readily laugh a lot, and she seemed to always isolate herself from the rest of the family. For instance, when the other women were in the kitchen preparing the meal for a family gathering Jane’s daughter in law would sit all alone in the living room quietly leafing through a magazine.

I asked, Jane if she encouraged her to join them and her answer demonstrated the patient wisdom she possessed. Jane replied,  “No.”  As much as I would love for her to feel comfortable being with me and the rest of my  family, I’ve decided to give her space enough to choose whether she stays in the living room or comes into the kitchen. For too long, she’s had someone telling her what to do, and when she didn’t do it fast enough, she was punished. Jane didn’t want to be another person demanding to have their way.

Jane went on to say, I love her and I believe in time she will feel that love. Until then, I will continue to be patient and understanding. “She’s a wonderful wife to my son and that’s all she owes me.” My friend Jane might have selected a different life-partner  for her son when Jane found out that her son was marrying a woman who had a bad life and had been previously married to a man who beat her and her child but instead she decided to love, respect and except her daughter in law the results were amazing.

 Jane learned valuable lessons over the past few years as she has invested into her daughter-in-law. The two women have since grown amazingly close and continue to do so. Jane’s  understanding and kindness has been instrumental in healing hurts of a lovely young women. Jane did it right, and she has reaped the joyous benefits of her choices.  As you establish a rhythm of love and grace, you’ll find that you and your daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law can dance a loving and joyful dance too!

Find The Funny In Your Days

Posted in Divorce, friendships, Humor, Life, Marriage, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Spiritual, Women by

Some gals holler, others get very, very quiet. How do you let people know you are mad? Personally, I’m a walker just let me go for a long walk and talk it out to myself and then I return a different gal. How about you? Are you a cupboard door slammer or maybe you just get very, very quite. Emotions are interesting things aren’t they?  We all have them, we are all affected by them, and we all try to hide them sometimes.

Then there are those gals who cannot hide their emotions and are subject to comments like, “she wears her heart on her sleeve”  or “It is written all over her face.” “Twitching eye-brows, clenched  jaw, blushing checks and pursed lips are telltale sign of our inner fluttering hearts, churning stomachs, indignant sensibilities, or raging hormones. But emotions don’t like to stay hidden for long. In subtle, or not-so-subtle ways, we broadcast our feelings to the world.

Our emotional vocabulary includes some pretty interesting phraseology. We talk about our stomach dropping out, our heart stopping, or blowing our stack. We feel  down in the dumps, hopping mad, in a tizzy, all choked up, in a funk, sick at heart, swamped, and at odds with ourselves. And when it is time for these emotions to come gushing out they take many forms: temper tantrums, endless ranting, sleepless nights, mood swings, critical attitudes, blind rages, constant complaining, pity parties and hissy fits. Unfortunately these very popular options have some serious consequences and if you have experienced  venting to a friend, co-worker or spouse and they have betrayed you by gossiping or even ending the relationship then you clearly understand how hurtful and embracing venting to the wrong person at the wrong time can be.

Proverbs 29:11 says. “Only a fool vents all his feeling, but a wise man hold them back.” That doesn’t mean we should bottle it all up. No, Even God knows we just need to release some of that inner turbulence carefully. Do you have someone you can trust, someone who will never tell what comes up during an angry spat, someone who can listen with understanding, someone you can vent to? Though it comes most naturally to let off steam in the form of angry words or bitter complaints, laughter is a wonderful alternative! Remember the advertising ” Don’t get mad, get Glad!” t.m. Have you ever turned a frustrating event into a funny story? Try it and see if it changes how you feel about the situation. We can sigh about things, or we can laugh. Both these responses release pressure, but which is  the most fun? We laugh so we won’t scream. What ever it is probably won’t go away, so we might as well live and laugh through it.

When we choose to release some of our frustrations with laughter, we allow others around us to relax and join in the chuckle. It’s  not hard to spot complainers, with their furrowed brows and down-turned lips. Their ways of  venting can be downright depressing to those who are forced to endure them. The next time you encounter someone in a such a state of disarray, interrupt their coming tirade and commands, by ” putting your eye brows up.” It might sound silly, but it works. It’s very hard to maintain a frown with arching your eyebrows. First try it on a child their expressions dissolve into a smile and a giggle. Then, their concerns can be talked about without the stormy face. Try it! Remember that in the midst of our fears, our worries, and our stresses, God encourages us to call for Him 24/7 at no charge. We won’t get a busy signal or a voice mailbox. He’s right there, waiting for us. You might  even try texting Him who knows…

The Mother In Law Relationship Is Complicated

Posted in Chidren, Daughtrer-In-Laws, Divorce, family, generational changes, Life, Love, Marriage, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Parenting, Psychology, relationships, Women by

The conflicts between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws is still going on it has raged throughout all of history. Nearly 2000 B.C. Rebekah complained to her husband, Isaac, that her daughters-in-law were making her life so miserable that she would rather not even be alive. Read Genesis 27:46).

Today, some 4,000 years later, women are still complaining to their husbands about these women! Mother-in-laws are still wondering why out of all the human relationships, the one between them and their daughter-in-laws is the most complicated? Second only to step relationships of course.

There is a built-in-conflict before the relationship even begins: two radically different views of the same man. The daughter in law will see him first as a man; while the mother in law will always see him first as her child.The mother in law comes into the relationship lugging a suitcase bulging with memories. From the sweetness of babyhood through the tyranny of the teen years into adulthood, these memories have indelibly imprinted her heart. She enters into this life phase acutely aware of a door closing in her life as a mother.

The daughter in law comes waltzing in with a suite case empty of everything but confidence and anticipation. She’s eager to swing open the new door and march in and there lies the basis for struggle. Both the mother in law and the daughter in law are naturally territorial when it comes to their family. Standing in the middle of  these two overlapping territories is a man who is the son of one and husband to the other. It’s in everyone’s interest for the son to step out of the overlapping territory and fully into his wife’s territory and the sooner he does this the better.

The parental relationship is secondary to the spousal relationship, yet the bond between a mother and her child is visceral. The phase “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” refers to husband and wife, yet there is little doubt a mother holding her child in her arms feels more “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” toward her child than she does toward her husband. Again, the basis for conflict between a man’s mother and his wife.

This motherly feeling of “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh” had been the source of much marital conflict: a mother consciously or unconsciously placing her child before her husband, magnifying her connection to their child. Even the court system typically give more value to the mother-child relationship.

The undeniable connection can easily cause a mother to overstep her territory and interfere with the process of her adult son transferring thus-far primary relationship, the one he has with her  to the one needs to form with his wife. If you are a mother of a son, you fully understand this tendency, because there is a powerful bond between mother and son. A man’s first significant relationship is with his mother. That bond, forged at birth, leaves a permanent imprint on both mother and son. Even if the relationship is broken, it continues to significantly impact both lives. This powerful attachment between mother and son needs to be and must be reassigned when the son introduces another woman into the picture.

Here is a scenario to consider “Suppose your son, yourself and your daughter in law were in a boat together. If the boat capsized and you and your daughter in law were both drowning, who should he save?  You might be saying to yourself, ” A man can always get another wife, but he has only one mother.”  or a daughter in law might be thinking to herself,” well his mother is old any way.” Now, now is that anyway to be thinking?

As a mother you should want your son to have a strong and healthy relationship with his wife. A mother who wants to maintain a close relationship with her son, who truly has his best interests in mind, must willingly step back and fully acknowledge and respect the relationship he is forming with his wife.

Whether she likes the woman or not. There is nothing to be gained, and much to be lost, by allowing competition to into the in law relationship. While the mother may not view her behavior as being competitive, the truth is that anything she does to maintain her status as the first woman,” whether consciously or unconsciously, will be viewed by the daughter in law as competition.

 Sometimes completely innocent behavior on the mother’s part will be wrongly interpreted this way. Knowing, this the wise mother will refuse to take offense and will carefully watch her behavior until he daughter-in-law is secure in her position. 

 Five years ago my friend Jane’s son  David married a terrific gal named Liz and on the day of their wedding Jane’s mother in law shared some advice with Jane. She said, that she chose to forget everything she had ever knew about her son and let her daughter in law discover him for herself. As any mother can image that is not easy to do. Is it? Jane and her mother in law are truly friends and enjoy each others company.

 Jane, decided  she wanted to have the same kind of relationship with her daughter in law so she decided to take her mother in laws advice and chose to forget everything she ever knew about her son David and let Liz discover him for herself.” It was a choice that has richly rewarded Jane over and over and over again. She said ,she loves how excited Liz gets when she learns something knew about David and Jane enjoys Liz’s excitement,friendship plus she completely understands why her son loves his wife as much as he does.

A successful relationship with your in-law does not necessarily mean you become best friends. It doesn’t necessarily mean enjoying lunch dates or shopping together like Jane and Liz do. Success is simply determining to live peaceably with her by any means. Success is getting up every morning and determining to leave the past in the past. Whatever your history is with your in-law find a way to make admins and move on.

Success is recognizing that at the center of your conflict is a man you both love, children you both love, and finding a way to make room for each of you to benefit from and express that shared love.
Success is consistently acting in love and letting go of the negative emotions you may have toward your in-law,start refusing to let those emotions color the quality of your life for one more minute.

Your love is like a garden, and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that love can bring.

 

The Wubbolus World OF Grandmothers

Posted in Babies, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, relationships, traditions, Women by

Margaret Mead wrote: “The closet friends I have made all through my life have been people who grew up close to a loved and loving grandmother or grandfather.”

In part, she attributed the strong bond between grandchildren and grandparents to the fact that they are united against a “common enemy” the parents.

 It begins to dawn on new grandmothers before that wonderful bundle of joy is brought home from the hospital that this grandmother business can be much more complicated that they had ever imagined.

 When a baby is born, so is a grandmother and that is the beginning of a new love story fresh from heaven. There is nothing for a grandmother to do except love her grandchildren. As days and months follow grandmothers soon learn they can love their grandchildren fiercely, with a passion that can make them hunger for them when they are out of range.

Grandmothers know that their own children love but can they trust them to baby sit? That is an interesting question, isn’t it? You might assume automatically that all grandparents are natural baby sitters but that is not the case in many families.

 Sometimes grandmothers feel like they are auditioning for the role of the” baby sitter grandmother.” Even though your children love you that doesn’t mean that they can trust you with their new bundle of joy. Does that shock you? After all, you are full of motherly wisdom and all that expertise you gained through your years of motherhood. You know how to hold a new-born properly, you are capable of changing their diaper and you know all the ends and outs of bottle feeding. Wait, wasn’t that stomach-down or is it stomach-up just what Dr. Spock advise? 

A wise grandmother will get rid of her’ ” know it all attitude” and ask her little of bundle from heaven parents how they want their child or children cared for and follow their requests because it’s what is best for your grandchild and if your children are happy with you and trusting you then you will have all the Grandmother time you need and that makes for a happy family. 

However with that being said, I suggest that you learn how to pronounce all the tongue twister words in “The Cat In The Hat” books before your grandchild is born. I am recommending this base on an experience that I had while reading to my oldest grandson when he was three or four. He blurted out to me these words to me ” you can’t read very good”, so I don’t want you to read to me any more.

Needless to say I felt crushed but after thinking about it a few seconds I had to agree with him. At the time I didn’t realize I was trying to read made up words by the author Theodor Geisel known as Dr. Seuss. This kind of unexpected situation is not listed in any grandparenting book, so I decided I better get the word out to other grandmothers, so they can be better prepared because there is nothing we enjoy more than our hugs and our reading time with our grandchildren. Is there?

 If you can’t figure out how to pronounce some of the words in your grandchildren tongue twister books ask one of your seasoned grandmothers chances are they have already been through the ranks and will be more than glade to save you from being crushed when your grandchild tells you not to read to them cause you don’t read so good. Welcome to the Wubbolus World of Grandmothers and The Wubbolous World of Dr. Seuss.

Babies Don’t Keep

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Life, Love, Moms, Songs by

Dishes Can WaitEvery now and then a song comes along that speaks to our hearts “Babies Don’t Keep” is one of them. I’m not sure who the author is but I do know that Betty Jean Robinson recorded it many years ago.

When I was a young mother I routinely quoted the words to “Babies Don’t Keep” throughout the day especially if I found myself feeling a little cranky because I felt that I should have been able to take care of a baby and my house chores.

A couple of years ago I noticed my son and daughter in law where very busy keeping up with the demands of every day life, house chores and their children. Then I started saying to myself ” Dishes Be Still “and I couldn’t figure out where I had heard those words before so I asked a few of my friends if they knew a poem called “Dishes Be Still” they didn’t, but suggested that I write one.

I am not a poet but the other night I was suffering  T.V. there was Betty Jean Robinson singing a song called “Babies Don’t Keep” and it got my attention. Then my memories of being a new mother all came flooding back to me and it was fun revisiting them. 

As I went down memory lane I remembered my grandmother singing ” Babies Don’t Keep” to me over the phone on the days when my house chores just seemed to be calling me while I was rocking my baby. I would start saying to myself “Oh, Dishes Be Still Babies Don’t Keep” and before I knew it the dishes stopped calling to me and was able to enjoy rocking my baby.

If you are struggling with the demands of motherhood and the house chores the words to “Babies Don’t Keep” might tug at your heart like it did mine.

God gave us these little ones for just a short time. He said, they’re your blessings, but remember they’re mine. Made in his image this mystery unfolds a child is more Precious than Silver and Gold.

So housework be quiet and chores wait in line. I’m holding my Jewel for this is my time. Dishes can wait and dust go to sleep. I’m Rocking my baby and Babies Don’t Keep.

One day you’ll be grown just like daddy and me. And if you’re not loved now oh, how sad it will be. So I’ll tell you of Jesus for he loves you more, So housework be still quiet and chores wait in line. I’m holding my Jewel for this is my time. Dishes can wait and Dust go to sleep. I’m Rocking my baby and Babies Don’t Keep.

What Do Grandparents Want To Know

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Being a grandparent in today‘s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better. If you’re already a grandparent you know that being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting it can be the most challenging role of your life.

 Grandparents today are so different from all other generations especially from their grandparents. A new grandparent is created every twenty seconds and if you are one of them, welcome!

There are a lot of us already statistics show that we make up one-third of the U.S. population. There are now 70 million grandparents in the United States, and 1.7 million more every year. And while there are a lot of books written to help parents who worry about their baby’s health, their baby’s size compared to the charts, and what IQboosting toys they should buy for their toddlers, there are very few books for us. Their parents. The grandparents!

Do we really need a book about grandparenting? After all, weren’t we parents already? Aren’t we founts of help and advice? Thrilled and devoted? Ready to jump in and help, but wise enough to know when to bow out and be silent? The givers of gifts, and guardians of family history? Mature? Mellow? and Marvelous?

You might be thinking yes, but… and isn’t grandparenting natural? Weren’t their grandparents long before there were books? Isn’t it instinctive? Basic? And built-in? Yes, but… haven’t we grown up watching our own grandparents in action? We had grandparents, our children have grandparents, and now our grandchildren have grandparents. It’s the way of the world, isn’t it? Yes, but… You’ll find that while your emotions may be universal and the problems are timeless, one thing is very different for today’s grandparents. We are different!

Who we really are is a question that many grandparents are asking themselves and each other in today’s society. Here is what a few grandparents are saying; We are healthier, more active, and more youthful and young at heart than our predecessors. Plus, we’re still working and working out, teaching, and learning, traveling, marrying, divorcing, remarrying, and melding our families. Grandparents today have more access to information full of tips on ways the can be the best grandparent they can be.

Our book cases are full of books about cooking, traveling, art, gardening, home improvements, investing money, how to look ten years younger, how to use our nooks, Ipads, cell phones, computers, the million apps that we can use for free, consumer reports covering the A to Z’s of any thing you could think of to buy along with the series of “Dummy Books” and let’s not forget how to be a modern grandparent.

I don’t know if there is a book called ” Grandparenting for Dummy’s” or not I just thought of that. I can tell you that if there isn’t one I’m sure someone will write one soon and it will probably be a best seller. It’s time to google Dummy Books to find out if there is a Dummy Book for Grandparents let me know.

What do grandparents today want to know? Since we are grandparents like no others, our questions are like no others. We want to know how to pick a name of ourselves. What’s wrong with “Grandpa” or “Grandma”? Nothing, but it’s often already taken, since our parents, and perhaps even their parents, are still alive. With so many grandparents, blended and melded grandparents, and great-grandparents in most families, grandparents today want to know how to be the favorite or at least, among the favorites.

We want ot know if it is normal to have “favorites,” to feel bored at times or stressed when our grandchildren visit. We want to know how to make grandchildren smile without spoiling, and help their parents provide for them financially in this bad economy without becoming a purse or a nurse.

We want to know how to handle divorce without hurting the grandchildren (our divorce, their parents’ divorce). We want to know what our daughter-in-laws really think about us and how to develop a better relationship with them so we can get even closer to our grandchildren.

Grandparents want to know so they participate in groups focused on distant granparenting, daughter-in-law problems, grandfathering, financial concerns, and much more. Lots participate in the online surveys. Many of them enjoy contributing and reading grandparent humor. I love everything about grandparenting humor and sometimes I write about something my grandson’s have just done and I find myself laughing as I am writing it’s a blast isn’t it?

Grandparents from every walk of life and from across this country are asking questions about grandparenting we want to know and if someone would write a book called “Straight Talk for Grandparents” telling us what we want to know we would appreciate it and maybe in the future our grandchildren will say thank you grandma or grandpa for believing in me. Grandparents are busy enough so a book written in plain english full of do this and do that because it is in the best interest of your children and grandchildren would help make the world of grandparenting run a lot smoother.

I want to thank my grandparents for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Doesn’t that statement just melt your heart? Take a minute and  image that your grandchildren are saying thank you Nana for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Don’t you feel all warm and tingling all over just thinking about them saying that to you? I know I do!

Do You Have A Grandparent Rival

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Grandparents love indulging  grandchildren, love surprising them, love giving them presents, and love seeing the smiles on their fabulous faces when they walk in the door. It’s so much fun! Isn’t it?

A recent grandparent poll asked grandparents this question:  Do you have a grandparent rival?  62% said, Yes I can’t help it and 38% said, No we’re fine. The response to the 62% group was don’t be surprised or embarrassed it’s natural, if you feel a bit competitive with the other set of grandparents and want to be the favorite… or at least on your grandchildren’s favorite list.

But of course, being the favorite grandparent every minute of every day isn’t always possible. First of all, no grandparent can always give their grandchildren everything they want and never say no. Grandparenting may be more fun than parenting, but it’s not a free-for-all. As my grandmother use to say when she had to say No,”anybody can be your friend but my job is to be your grandmother.”

The truth is you probably can’t out do all the other sets of grandparents all the time even if you wanted to. But thank goodness grandparents don’t have to. Just like grandparents, grandchildren have enough love to go around. We can love all our grandchildren and they can love all their grandparents! You may not be your grandchildren’s only favorite, or favorite every day, but if you treat them with love and respect, you will always be a winner in the end. And so will they!

And finally, if you feel like you’re losing the “favorite” race from time to time because you’re the grandmother-in-law and your daughter-in-law prefers her own parents’ brand of grandparenting to yours, you’re probably right! The same Grandparenting poll found 57 percent of paternal grandmothers (that’s the husband’s mother) often felt left out.

It went on to say, After all, your daughter-in-law is parenting the way she was parented by her own mother and in some circumstances it may have been a grandmother, aunt, older sister, or a father who did the parenting but try to remember they did their best.

After all it’s familiar to her and seems “right”. And besides, you were the first woman in her husband’s life, know him longer and better than she does, she’s probably compared to you too often, and if you have a daughter of your own, you may play favorites yourself without even realizing it.

Grandparents who live far away worry that grandparents who live closer will be preferred, and the grandparents with less money worry that wealthier grandparents will gift their way to first place. And if there’s only one child, the stakes are even higher.

So, being “the favorite” may be only a grandparent’s fun fantasy, but there are lots of fun things you can to do that can help you make your dream of being on your grandchildren’s “favorite” Grandparent list.

Here a four Secrets of Favorite Grandparents out of many

  1. Don’t buy love. Reassure yourself that your grandkids will love you even without the nonstop presents and then prove it. Set a one-month gift or candy moratorium, and just play with the kids when they come over, or read to them, or teach them something special, like a funny dance or a goofy kids song, instead of taking them shopping. Let yourself see that you are valued and loved even if you don’t dispense gifts.
  2. Don’t load them up with contraband. Gifts of toys and candy are a problem in another way too. If we take our grandchildren to the candy store, and they stuff bags full of candies and carry them back home, we’ve put their parents in the position of saying yes to junk or no to the special treats. The kids should not bring home varieties of toys and candy that are not allowed in their house, because then you won’t be given many chances to become a favorite!
  3. Do Listen. Ask questions about their likes and dislikes, their games and friends, real and imaginary, their TV programs, books, and their electronic games… and then really listen to their answers. Listen when they talk spontaneously, when they talk repetitively, when they talk endlessly. Listen when they are silly and serious. It’s been said before, their parents just can’t listen to them on a daily basis the way you can when they are with you on a visit. Be the grandparent who understands, the one who is patient, the grandparent who accepts what they say without a lot of lectures and criticism.
  4. Do find Similarities. Become one of your grandchildren’s soul mates and they will feel a bond that will never be broken. Start by going through “favorites” lists and compare notes. They are called the “Top-Three Lists”. Try top-three favorite… vegetables, meats, fruit, candy, snacks, colors, activities, holidays then do the “Bottom Three” you get the idea. Then go through secret wishes, hardest school subjects, least favorite chores, funny movies and so forth. Every time you find a match, make a big deal out of it. Shout, “Match!” Write it down but mainly remember it. When you talk to your grandchildren, even by phone, Skype, chat, text, e-mail, try to bring up one of those similarities. Like “Our favorite holiday is only three weeks away,” or, “I had to eat our least favorite vegetable today because it was in the salad already.”
  5. Make your home their home away from home. If you have the space, set aside the basement, a room, or even a corner of the living room as your grandkids’ very own space. Let them keep their toys and games there. You’re not only telling them they’re welcome, your backing up with actions. This keeps them wanting to come back again and again. And after all, that’s the plan!

Being a grandparent in today’s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better! Lets embrace our exciting new role and create wonderful relationships with our children and grandchildren. Remember being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting and it is different from our predecessors.

A Lot Of Otters

Posted in Books, Chidren, Dreams, family, Life, Love, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Every now and then a children’s book comes along that sparks our imaginations and puts a smile on our faces and A Lot Of Otters is one of those books.

The other day my sister called me to tell me how much she enjoys swimming with her grandson who has autism.

She went on to tell me how much he enjoys watching the Otters in the Aquarium of the Pacific (it’s in Long Beach, California our home town) and she wondered if when she is swimming with him in their family pool was he pretending they were otters swimming and playing freely in the water like Otters do? As she was talking to me I started to  image the two of them laughing and playing in their pool together like otters do.

Later that day while I was shopping in Books A Million I came across a book called A Lot Of Otters. After browsing through it I decided to buy it because it reminded me of the story that my sister told about of Milo liking otters. It turns out that Milo swims like a fish and swimming is one of his favorite things to do and we are hoping that one day he will be able to tell us all about swimming like an Otter.

It’s called A Lot of Otters isn’t that a great name? It’s written by author Barbara Helen Berger and in 1997 this book was selected as best children’s book by The School Library Journal. It was also selected for The Prestigious Exhibition The Original Art 1997, Celebrating the Fine Art of Children’s Book Illustrations, sponged by Society of Illustrations, New York.

The Author’s Comments: When the toddler climbs into the cardboard box, the blue shadow under the box turns into water, and as he reads his book he sails away. From then on, everything takes place in this fantasy water, made with washes of blue to flow from page to page.

The sea otters are based on her careful observations (in two Aquariums, videos and books). So their activities show what sea otters actually do. The way they dive, the way they carry their food, the way they eat, groom, play. However they are playing with stars, and one otter is reading the toddler’s book from the moment he drops it (Oops) to the end.

She always likes to have some element in art which is never actually mentioned in the words. That is one of the things about a picture book that can be most magical and fun. In this case the toddler’s cardboard box and his book with its red cover are never mentioned, nor is the otter who keeps on reading the book whiles everything goes on around him.

 Take a look at the photo of the cover jacket for “A Lot of Otters.” After looking at it. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with otters? This photo sparks my imagination, and before I know it. I’m pretending that I’m reading a book, while sitting in a card box surrounded by friendly otters. Then I feel carefree like a child again. Honesty what could be more fun than children than pretending they are playing with Otters?  Stop reading this for a minute and pretend that you are swimming with a group of fun-loving otters like the ones in this book. Did you really stop?  Wasn’t that fun?

There is nothing more delightful than watching children while they are swimming except for swimming with them. I wonder if while children are frolicking in the water are they pretending to behave like otters too? They move so carefree the way Otters do? Don’t they?

This article is for Trish and Milo because they love to read and look at books about otters and swim together. It seems that Nana’s, Otters, and Swimming are a good combination for some children with autism at least it seems that way for Milo.

 Some children can tell their parents when they are pretending to be like otters while others can’t because they have autism regardless if a child can speak or not, books can be a powerful influence in a child’s life.

It feels good when our imaginations are sparked doesn’t it? Children and books about animals as their friends is magical regardless of what their challenges are. Just ask a grandparent and they’ll tell you all about their favorite childhood books that were full of friendly animal characters.

Children’s picture books date back to the seventeenth century, but they really came into their own in the nineteen-twenties. Children’s picture story books like “The Little Red Hen” and “Little Black Sambo ( which would not be considered politically correct today) but were popular in the good old days.

It’s Time To Celebrate Out Of The Box

Posted in Babies, Chidren, Dreams, Life, Moms, Parenting, traditions by

What is more appropriate than birth for our beginning? A new child in the world offers a rich opportunity to honor the baby, the parents, the space where they will live, the already-existing siblings, the grandparents and extended family and friends.

 The actual birth process itself as well as preparation for it already creates special moments. As we grow to understand our role in adding more meaning  to our lives, this birth time is opportunity knocking with a loud beat. I can’t tell you how many unusual ways my girl friends and I created something out of the ordinary into a unordinary way to celebrate an impending childbirth celebration. We wanted to do something for each other, but not necessarily a traditional shower.

The gals and I grew up together, we married within weeks of each other and our  babies were born with in weeks of each other. As time went by they had two or three children with in weeks of each other. Then there was me the odd duck out I didn’t have my second baby until seven years later. Hey! It’s better late than never. Right!

This story is a bit unusual, as it talks about preparing the place where the baby will live. The gals and I designed the event, and this is what we did for our friends Linda and Dave. 

My friends Dave and Linda’s first baby was due near the holidays. I wanted to do something for them, but not necessarily a traditional shower. The birth time was getting close and we needed to move into action if anything was going to be done. I called Linda, saying that I wanted to offer to plan something for her and Dave. I asked her what would she like? Very quickly she said, she was dreaming of a time with close friends to prepare the living space for the baby.

She went on to explain to me that she didn’t mean a physical sense of painting and remodeling, but of welcoming the child into the world even before she arrived. I was thrilled with this idea and excited to be part of making it happen.

Linda and I started putting it together. Linda was very clear about who she and Dave wanted to attend–those folks who would understand and support the idea of a pre-birth housewarming. I called the guest on the phone, as it was short notice. This was before email and texting. It was in the 1970’s. The parents wanted the gathering place to take place in the location where the baby would be living.

The intention was to prepare a community nest for the baby. The nest would be made of stories, poetry, wisdom, favorite children’s books, lullabies and handmade items. The offering of the event would come from the heart of each guest. We trusted that each person knew what this new being needed to smooth the transition into the world, help her be comfortable and accepted before her actual arrival.

When the evening arrived, we gathered men and women in a circle n the living room of the home where the child would be living. A candle was lit in honor of the baby. We passed around a rattle to use as a talking piece.

A friend acted as host/facilitator. The offerings included prayers, live music presentations, the start of the child’s own library, special Christmas ornaments, wisdom for parenting, and stories from childhood. Best of all there was the overwhelming sense of how wanted and special this child was, even before she entered the world. Blessings  on this living home and caring parents were offered. Afterwards we ate, laughed and celebrated new life.

The actual birth came a few days later and turned out to be a little difficult for Linda, one of the things that helped her stay focused was remembering the support of those who had assisted in preparing the home for her child.

Because Linda had a clear vision, I was able to help make it happen. In this situation, I was less the creator and more an enabler. I didn’t need to agonized on what to do, as Linda knew what she wanted and I could act as the helper.

Linda designed her own evening. This celebration honored the parents and welcomed their first child into our lives. The circle of friends were ready to receive Linda and Dave’s new baby. As a thank you gift Linda and Dave gave each of us a photo frame with our names engraved randomly around the frame with a picture of their beautiful new baby girl. 

Celebrating beginnings helps us connect with family and friends in wonderful new ways. Even small beginnings, transitions can be explored and filled with wonder. The idea is not to have a “celebration in a box” solution, but spur your creative imagination. You’ll find inspiration to design an event unique to you will give meaning and love to all that participate. Celebrating out of the box is a way to connect with heart and meaning.

In The Kitchen With Grandkids

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Moms, Parenting by

 You don’t have to teach your grandchildren how to bake a cake like the one in this picture of a Betty Crocker birthday circus cake. All you need to do is teach them a few simply things about cooking and how your kitchen gadgets work.

Here are few suggestions to help you to think about what you and your grandchildren might like to do in your kitchen. I hope you have as much fun as I have had with my friends and family in our kitchens.

  • Let your grandchildren sit next to you while you prepare food and explain what you’re doing and why.
  • Sink Play, wrap your grandchildren in an apron or dish towel and provide lots of utensils. Then stand them safely on a chair and play water games.
  • Inviting your grandchildren to cook with you is a great way to introduce them to a verity of foods even vegetables. Ask them to hold the containers for you and let them help you pour the vegetable into a pan or crock pot. Sometime they get so excited they even eat the vegetables. Isn’t that awesome?
  • Let them make what my friend Jane’s grandchildren call “stuff” they all love mixing the most unlikely ingredients together into a big bowel to make stuff; this is a great way of exercising their creativity.
  • Ask them to clean up the mess with a paper towel
  • Let them wipe the low surfaces with a damp cloth to clean up and be helpful
  • This is one of my favorite suggestions wash paintbrushes in the sink to make rainbow water.
  • Invite  your grandchildren to go to a Strawberry or Blue Berry Farm with you.  Don’t forget to bring along personalized buckets for them.

Let them cook! Encouraging a child to help in the kitchen has benefits for everyone. You’re teaching them about cooking and being independent. When they are old enough they can cook a meal for you!

Fifteen Ways To Kiss Your Love

Posted in Kissing, Life, Love, Moms, relationships, Romace by

The days of true romance and passion are back. Kissing your love no longer needs to be a routine event bordering on the tedious.  Put some fire  back into your romance with a different kind of kiss.

 Whatever the mood or the time, there is a kiss to fit the  moment.

You and your love can continually discover new and exciting ways to kiss in unique ways. Here is a list of fifteen fun ways to kiss your love.

  1. The Great Expectation Kiss: Inform your love one morning that he or she will soon receive a fabulous kiss. Later, call your love with a reminder. Then the next you see your love, pull out the stops and plant a long, hot passionate kiss.
  2. Goodbye Surprise Kiss: Send off your love in the morning with a quick kiss. As your love turns to leave, pull him or her back for a second, more passionate kiss.
  3. The Full Moon Kiss: The next time there is a full moon take your love someplace where the two of you can smooch by moonlight. A full moon can be very romantic.
  4. The forewarned Kiss: Leave your love a note alerting him or her about where you will be kissing him or her later. When you two meet next… watch out!
  5.   The S.W.A.K. Kiss: Write a love letter and seal it with a kiss.
  6. The Rose and Violet Kiss: Place a rose and a violet on your love’s pillow with the note: “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue.” I may be at work, but my thoughts are of kissing you.”
  7. The Answering Machine Kiss: After the beep, leave a long, sloppy kissing sound and the message, “There’s more where that came from!”
  8. Eventful Kiss: Tell your love that for a kiss, you will provide a big surprise. Upon receipt, present your love with a pair of tickets to his or her favorite event (e.g. Football, Opera, Theater). Whether you like it or not, agree to go with your love.
  9. The Car Door Kiss: Just before you or your love opens the car door, give them an unexpected kiss.
  10. Welcome Home Kiss: Greet your love at the door with a big warm kiss and a cheerful “Glade you’re home.” Take his or her baggage, direct to a comfortable chair, remove shoes, and hand him or her the remote control and their favorite dessert.
  11. The Network Kiss: Is your love a subscriber to one of the personal computer networks? If so, send him or her kisses through the electronic mail function. If not, just post a note for all to read espousing your love’s puckering prowess.
  12. The Couch Cornering Kiss: In 1936 author Hugh Morris proclaimed the best way to kiss your love was to first corner him or her against the arm of a sofa. “First flatter them, then grab hold and finally move in for the kiss.”
  13. The Blow Kiss: This one is funny. The two of you puff out your cheeks with air. Now, zero in for a kiss, keeping your eyes open and trying not to laugh.
  14. The Vow Kiss: Think of a vow you would like to share with your love and memorize it. Then, standing a few feet apart, face your love hand-in-hand, and recite your vow. Afterward, both close your eyes and lean forward until your lips meet in a kiss.
  15. The Reconcile Kiss: Hate reconciling your checking account? Make a deal with your love to be kissed any way they want if the check book is successfully balanced.

 I hope you and your love continually discover new and exciting ways to kiss each other for many more years to come.

Mom Knows Everything

Posted in grandkids, Grandparenting, Humor, Moms, Parenting, Uncategorized by

Last summer I was performing one of my favorite grandmotherly duties, which is spoiling my grandson’s rotten!

 Their names are Jeremy and Jesse. This particular time we were eating ice cream on a hot summer day. It was a special treat, and they were enjoying it thoroughly.

 Suddenly, Jeremy scrunched up his little five-year-old face and started pounding his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Jeremy, what are you doing?” I wanted to know. “I’ve got brain freeze!” he wailed.

It was obvious that he had experienced brain freeze before, since he knew exactly how to identify it. I smiled on the inside, and jumped up to pour him a glass of water hoping that it would ease the freeze. Then he asked me a question that stumped me. “Why did God make brain freeze when it hurts so bad?”  “Well, ummmm…well,” I stammered in response.

How on earth do you explain the problem of pain and suffering to a five-year-old? Do you go back to the Garden of Eden and explain how perfect things were before Adam and Eve took a bite out of forbidden fruit? (You don’t dare identify it as an apple when you’re talking to a five-year-old, or he might never eat another one again.)

 And if you start your answer with an explanation of Adam and Eve in the perfect paradise, then the next time your grandchild comes over, he’s going to want you to take him to the Garden of Eden to play. And he’s going to want to know, “Is it kind of like Disney World?”

And when you explain that it didn’t have any rides or pirate shows, he’ll wonder why on earth God wasted his time building it and why wasn’t there a pirate ship there?  I realized that I could try a different approach to explain how only Gods knows why but all my possible answers were triggering red flags.

Then as I sat there stumped, I realized that Jeremy wasn’t the only one with brain freeze. I was suffering a terrible case of it myself!  Even though I had answered this question many times throughout the years. I couldn’t come up with an appropriate explanation for a five-year old to save my life!

 Finally as he stared at me, waiting for my response, I replied, “Hey, that’s a great question, Jeremy. We’ll have to ask God when we get to heaven.” “Okay,” he replied.

Then he said or we can wait until my mom comes home and ask her cause she knows everything. I said, that’s a great idea Jeremy! 

 He finished scraping the bottom of his dessert dish, took one last sip of water, and jumped down from his seat. He ran to play cars with his brother, his brain was sufficiently thawed and so was mine.

 Apparently, it seems the best answers are the simple ones. By the time his mom came home we forgot all about the brain freeze.