Category Archives: Marriage

It’s Great To Reach For The Stars But You Might Only Get As Far As The Moon . . . That’s OK

Dance Me to the End of Love I

Have you ever experienced that love donates like an exploding star? A love that grew slowly and didn’t necessarily start out as brightly as a supernova but eventually delivered more energy over the long run? We all fall in love for a reason. Some say it’s because there is something so unique and rare in the person they love that no matter what their flaws, or shortcomings, they return again and again in their minds and thoughts to all the good and wonderful ineffable qualities which, for them anyway, is the essence of why they fell in love with them in the first place.

Perfection is a wonderful goal.

Always settling for second-best can lead to a lifetime of disappointment but since nobody is perfect, you could spend a lifetime searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. So don’t you think that it makes sense to be with someone who you enjoy flaws and all and who enjoys your flaws and all?

It’s true they will not be perfect or even come close to the one you pictured as your “soul mate,” but there will definitely be some chemical reaction going on between you and your love for each other as it grows and bubbles and boils strongly. Perhaps! Would that chemical reaction be stronger with someone else? Maybe? But don’t be too quick to abandon a relationship because your partner doesn’t fit your description of the “soul mate” you were expecting to show up.

The French call that feeling of instantaneous love le coup de foundre, the lightning bolt. Luckily, the odds of being hit by a real lightning bolt are small. Maybe, the odds of being hit by le coup de foundre are also small, but at least it’s not the only way to find true love.

We live in a world of instant gratification there is no denying that because of the world of instant gratification many end up feeling less satisfied and blinded to a love that slowly builds up. That’s because their love bucket it so low. When someone’s love bucket is low they often end up being less satisfied because a relationship takes some work on the parts of both people. That means that both people have to come together in agreement and actually work at having or maintaining a relationship.

Think of it this way fast food doesn’t compare to a meal that takes hours to prepare. Ready-to-wear clothes never fit as well as those that are hand tailored. So just because a relationship takes some work on the parts of both people to come together it doesn’t mean that is filled with any less passion than one that sparked at a first glance. In the long run , it may actually provide a lot more heat than a relationship that starts off quickly but peters out just as fast as it began.

 

 

 

There Will Be No Lifetime Exactly Like This One

Posted in Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

Which WayThere will be no love, no sweetheart, exactly like this one the man who pronounces your name in just such a way, with his beautiful voice, the man who brings flowers, whose words move your heart so tremblingly softly, whose arms holds you this way and they way, embracing, consoling, protecting: the woman whose fragrance enchants you, whose head on your chest when you sleep is the sweet weight of bliss, whose kisses are blessings, whose laughter is sunlight, whose smile is pure grace.

There will be no lifetime exactly like this one, no other, not ever again, not this birth, not this particular story, this mother and father, these houses and walls, these strangers and friends . Oh! And how you are moved by it all, with such beauty, touching each other, dancing, stepping, curtsying, bowing across all the stages, filling the rooms of your lives with this joy,  this sweet love. There will be no other way to live this life, only the way you have chosen to live it and with whom moment to moment. This moment , this day, this relationship, this life, are all unique, exquisite, unrepeatable. Like every  moment as if you, indelibly, knew this.

Celebrate Your Specialness

Posted in Adversity, Divorce, Life, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships by

PrettyYou complete me. Many people believe that when  Mr. Right or Mrs. Right comes along then they will be a complete human being. All too many of us consider love to be the miracle by which, we  will become complete human beings. This is the fixer-upper notion of love, the idea that we’re not all right as we are but we could  be  if we could  just find that one person to be loved by,  then that would prove we’re OK.  Love begets love.

If you don’t think well of your self, enjoying and valuing the person that you are, and have an understanding that self-knowledge is a lifelong personnel enterprise. It means that you appreciated yourself at least as much as you value your honey, that you know he or she is as blessed in love as you believe you are. It means you measure your strengths and weaknesses neither with the abuse of self-depreciation nor the insanity of egomania, but with genuineness, with accuracy. Loving  yourself is recognizing your gifts and talents and putting them to good use, acknowledging your flaws and forgiving yourself for them. Loving yourself is reaching for more, for the best in you.

So often people put up with shabby treatment in love because they don’t believe they deserve better. But self-love is always the model for the love you may reasonably expect, the true measure of the love you will give and get. Your heart can only hold as much love as you believe it can. So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated ever more wonderfully in love. Love yourself. If you have not been treated kindly throughout your life or are trying to overcome a trauma from the past do yourself a favor and seek professional help and that should put you on a journey to loving yourself. You can exchange those ashes for beauty. Remember God is love.

Candlelight Nurtures Romance

Posted in Brides and Grooms, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace by

 Romance By CandlelightTwo hearts beat stronger as they gaze into the soft luminescence flames of candles.  The soft luminescence encourages loving gazes, whispered words, delicate touches, and sensual strings. Candles not only provide light, but also shadows that move along the walls and trigger your imagination. When bathed in candlelight, you and your sweetheart can relax and express yourselves in a way words cannot duplicate.

 When cave men and women walked the Earth, the dark was something to be feared. They tamed fire and the night  pushed them outside their caves. Huddling around the fire, they found safety, warmth and pleasure. Today we have little contact with fire. Our homes light up and our food can be cooked without any flames at all. Yet our ancient love of fire remains.  Instinctively we are drawn to a flame, not only for its wavering beauty but because when our sweetheart are basking in the firelight’s soft, warm glow emits a special effect. That’s why two hearts outlined by the radiance of a flame beat just a little faster.

Fireplaces are great place for reconnecting to the crackle and pop of a raging blaze. But a flame can also be cradled in a much smaller frame: a candle. Candles work best in groupings, which can be arranged to provide the utmost in atmosphere. They can be gathered together or spread around the room. It’s not really important how you arrange them, but the process itself  will put you a romantic mood. When you’re done, you and your sweetheart can settle into your private cave constructed of darkness and light.

Coast Guard Grandparents

JesseThere’s never been a generation like the baby boomers, and there never will be again! Some Boomers are retired Cost Guard, they are informed, enthusiastic, ready to beat the odds and they know how to laugh but are they really prepared to babysit?

Do they know the difference between a pull up and a pop up? Don’t laugh! I called Jeremy’s pull ups, pop ups it was an honest mistake. Plus he had to show me how to use his mother’s kitchen gadget stuff. I can’t be the only granny that can’t figure it all out!

If your grandchildren’s parents are in the coast guard then Facebook and Skype have probably become very important to you. Currently Facebook is our way of staying connected to them and my daughter in laws blog. We are so happy to be able to see what they are all up to these days it really means the world to us.

 Six years ago my son met a lovely gal and four years later they got married and when they said, “I Do ” and he became a father to her son. Then while they were stationed in the South they had two babies, a boy and a girl. Perfect! During that time I moved to the south with them (not so perfect) but then I meant a wonderful southern gentleman and now we are married. Perfect!

SAMSUNGWhen my son joined the Coast Guard he was a bachelor and I never thought  about the future or what it would be like to be a grandmother and having grandchildren moving every four years. However I did experience all the emotions mothers have when their sons and daughters are in any branch of the Military and have to move around.

Jesse And His DadThe up side of spending time with them these past four years was experiencing how awesome they are as a couple and parents and I will always consider it an honor to get to know them as a family. They are terrific people and they seem to just role along with where ever the cost guard takes them.

Miss Julie On The PhoneIt’s also been a blessing to have experience the past four years with Jeremy, and the first three years of Jesse’s life and the first year of Miss Julie‘s life. Last month they moved from The South to Alaska. It took me two weeks to adjust but I’ve made it through and now when I  drive past the Coast Guard base and see the air plane out in front and I’m happy to say, I don’t tear instead I smile!

My husband and I used to like to kid around and say “We child proofed the house and they still got in.” I know! But it’s funny. All kidding aside we had a blast with our grand-kids and suddenly for a while we were wise and loved again just because we were us.

Grandkids Keep Us YoungI’m sure they felt we were a bit odd, and occasionally I felt as though I would catch them giving each other meaningful glances that seemed to say, They’re old and we must be the patient with them.

Jeremy & JesseNevertheless Jesse and Miss Julie did not show any signs of age discrimination and treated us as though we were as young as their parents. I use to wonder if Miss Julie was thinking, oh no, here comes those old people again. Where’s the pretty blond lady? I’m referring to our friend Lynn, who loved to gently rock Miss Julie to sleep. While on the other hand I spent my time with Miss Julie walking and walking around the house for what seemed like a million times telling her she could do it and in own time she did.

 Miss Lynn & JulieWe want to thank Lynn and Victor (retired Coast Guard) for stepping up to the plate and helping us the first time we babysat Miss Julie or as the young people say, hung out with Miss Julie. We were surprised when it took three baby boomers and one retired Coast Guard guy to take care of one baby girl and when her parents came home she stayed up and played with her brother and we went home to take naps. Is that called role reversal? Parents taking naps instead of the kids!

Love from a Granny In Training

Romace Can Be Imperfectly Perfect

HelloRomance speaks volumes in the form of focusing your total attention on your sweetheart, for a few minutes or hours, even when there’s something else you’d rather be doing.

For love to grow, the two of you need to communicate. The sounds, smells, sights, and touches that are the main ingredients of your love. They must somehow be pressed back and forth between the two of you and romance is the medium for this transferal.

Love that is accompanied by the words “I’m sorry” will never be rejected as long as they know you mean it. Love in the form of focusing your total attention on her for a few minutes or a few hours, even when there’s something else you’d rather be doing, will speak volumes.

Romance needs to be nestled in your cocoon of romance. Sometimes it’s easy to become confused about romance and think it can be bought. While money does help to create atmosphere, romance it’s self doesn’t have a price tag attached to it, nor is it required to be wrapped in a box from Tiffany’s.

It just needs to be a significant part of you: a thought, a block of time, your sympathetic ear, your warm arms holding her, the touch of you rubbing her back, the flutter of your kiss. Your smile, a hug from you, a sweet hello, you telling her that she looks pretty today, giving her a gift without any other motive other than to let her know that you are thinking about her and of course making a dinner date for just the two of you and don’t forget every girl needs a girls night out so another way to say I love you is to baby sit so she can have some time to herself.

 

Speak Kind Words To Your Sweetheart

Posted in Life, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

Love is like a gardenWords can build your sweetheart up or tear them down so it seems that this saying most that most of us grew up hearing from our parents and school teachers was right,” If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Isn’t it amazing how a simply statement like that is so true?

Even small children learn that language is a very powerful instrument and what they utter gets results. When a baby says, Da, Da  or Ma, Ma for the first that little baby receives some awesome responses and that experience becomes forever ingrained in their parents hearts.

Statements like “You’re Brilliant” or “I Just Love The Way Your Mind Works” and this one, “You Are So Intelligent” spoken to your sweetheart can over time change how your sweetheart sees themselves. If your sweetheart was endlessly yelled at or told they were stupid or maybe they were overly criticized as a child they may not know just how brilliant they are and just how much you love and adore them.

It’s never to late to start telling your sweetheart just how wonderful they are and how much they mean to you. After all you’re no dummy and you have chosen them to be your sweetie . . .  so that right there makes them pretty awesome. Doesn’t it?

The more you tell them in all sincerity something  inside of them will start to shift and they will begin to believe you and in them selves and that they aren’t stupid. The more you speak kind and true words into them the more they will become able to believe you and in them selves. You will start to notice that other people will start saying similar things to them and in time the words will change entirely how your sweetheart feels about themselves.

Stop and celebrate your sweethearts intuitive genius and the extraordinary functions of their minds after all they were smart enough to choose to love you that choice right there makes them genius. Doesn’t it? One form of emotional healing comes from the precise use of language and words that you speak to your sweetheart and words that they speak to you. What you say, and what you hear them say, has the power to sculpt how you love and respond to your sweetheart.

Consider the words you utter to your sweetheart as words of great gifts of love and in the midst, marshal this powerful influence and use it to bring life, encouragement, and healing to the one you most adore. Negative words may have shaped your sweethearts early consciousness and their perception of themselves but you see the opposite in them. They may see themselves as, “Ugly” and you see them as,” Beautiful” don’t just tell them one or two times or when your feeling amours tell them often.

Remember silence is like a vacuüm, drawing in all thoughts that go by, so protect your sweethearts ears and be aware what your words imply. Choose your words carefully; think about what you say. Don’t fill the void with just anything, squawking like a jay. Make sure your emotions aren’t trapped elsewhere. Give what you say, meaning; speak and act with care. Then love will sound like a trumpet and to your words impart the clarity of romance as you speak to your sweetheart.

Giving Help Is A Sign Of Love

Posted in Changing Habits, Life, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

Woman In WhiteIt can be difficult to ask for help because you don’t want to appear weak or stupid. You don’t want to be turned down or put down. You don’t want to be yelled at or ignored. You don’t want to lose face or have a face made at you. Again. But once you cry out for assistance and that helping hand is next to yours, it’s such a relief and it makes you wonder why you waited so long to ask.

There is no better feeling than to be told help is on the way especially if it comes with two strong hands, a wealth of expertise, a blanket of caring, and a smile. You, see giving help is a sign of love. The person who comes to your aid is living proof that your lives are shared and that you each want to be there for the other with your time, your energy, and your knowledge.

So look at a cry for help as an opportunity to prove the strength of your love to each other. And never be afraid to ask for help . . . not from the one you love and who loves you. If you never ask for anyone’s help, when you do for the first time, you may get a strange reaction. The person you’re asking might not believe you at first. Don’t take their attitude as rejection; it’s just surprise.

To trust means that we start from the position of believing that our sweetheart is motivated by a deep concern for us , that he or she, in spite of occasional missteps or mistakes, truly has our well-being in mind. When we trust, we believe that the other loves us deeply and intends to love us well and long.

Trust images the best; trust expects the happiest possible outcome. Trust serves with joy in the expectation that trust will be returned. Trust develops trust. Acknowledging that the person you love with your heart, your body, your talents, your fears, your children, your worldly goods invites him or her to become even more worthy of that trust. Thus, the more you trust, the safer you become and the more you can love and ask for help. If you have be betrayed this is no easy task. Is it?

Words Are The Wings Of Romance

Posted in Life, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

See The Sweet LifeNothing can sustain the high pitch of romance better than beautiful love words, generously and endlessly spoken. Love words are a tonic for love, an elixir for passion, a medicinal balm for fading romance. Life is full of ordinariness, and there isn’t any reason love should be too.

Love is what we fall into in order to partake of magic; Loves is how we fly. Words are the wings of romance, the way in which, more than any other, we elevate ourselves above the ordinary and pedestrian. Everybody wants to hear how much, and precisely why, he or she is loved. Even when we’ve been chosen, even when we’ve tied the knot, we still need verbal reassurance that we are loved.

We need to be endeared, to feel that we are special, delightful, precious, irreplaceable to the one we love. We want to be singled out, to be told we are loved above all by the person who has chosen us. We often think that having feelings about someone is as good as saying it, but it isn’t. Make no mistake . . . words mean a lot to all of us.

We all walk around with a huge collection of insecurities, and none of us is so sure, so cut and dried in our conviction about our own self-worth that we don’t need the inspiration of being told every which way, over and over again, exactly why, how , and how much we are loved.

We need to be told, and the words have to be heartfelt. There’s just no comparison between the abstract  “Of course I love you” and the direct “I love you” no contest between silence and “you’re the light of my life: I want to be with you forever.” Even though some people may think it’s corny, in the delicate layer of even the coolest of cucumber hearts is a lover who yearns to be adorned. There’s a hidden romantic in each of us, the person who fell in love, who was tantalized by music and moonlight, who waited breathlessly to hear the words of  love “I adore you. My Life is better with you in it.”

We want our hearts to be filled by hearing the love words over and over again. So call your sweetheart by a special name and tell her/him often what delights you about her, why you so deeply love him or her. Say the mushy/gushy things you think people only say in love stories and the more romantic and delicious the better. “You’re the woman of my dreams”.  Don’t say you’re the woman of my night mares . . . if that is the truth then heaven help you.   Say things like  . . .  “I love you to pieces.” “You’re my angel.” “You’re my wonderful man.” “You’re a fabulous lover.”

Some people are confused about romance and think it can be bought. While money may be able to help create a romantic atmosphere, romance itself doesn’t ever have a price tag attached to it, nor can it be wrapped up in a box from Tiffany’s. It just needs to be a significant part of you: a thought, block of time, a sympathetic ear, some warm arms, the pressure of a back rub, the flutter of a kiss. Love needs to nestle in the cocoon of romance. You don’t need threads of gold and silver to weave your own safe haven of love. All that’s required is a small part of yourself.

~ Granny In Training~

 

“Love is Gentle, Kind and Patient”

Posted in Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

Newly WedsGentleness can be everywhere: in what we say, in how we move, in the people and circumstances we quietly choose to bless ourselves with. It is moving easily instead of roughshod through life, speaking with kindness rather than blurting things; making room for the stranger who arrives, the beautiful things that unexpectedly happens.

Gentleness is the soft virtue, the cloudy featherless of spirit that allows you to move forward toward the person you love, and through each circumstance you face, in an easy, graceful, and gracious manner touching delicately, listening openly, feeling with empathy, seeing with eyes of compassion. Gentleness eases the way, adds refinement and grace to the journey , softens the blows, cushions the sorrow, lightens the burdens.

Kindness is the sweet virtue. It soothes and calms and renews. It remembers and adds touches of color like a rainbow or a bouquet of spring flowers. It offers the unmasked-for word, the spirit-cleansing compliment, the nurturing embrace. It is soft; it reaches out to mend and amend. Can I help you?  Is there anything I can do? I’m sorry. I hope things will change. Kindness is the unnecessary necessity, the unasked-for moment of beauty that adds a hopeful texture to every measure of our lives.

Patience is a quiet virtue, the ability to willingly wait for what is unseen to gradually be made manifest. Patience is faith, the conviction that what you imagine, need, or believe to be the highest fulfillment of how you think things ought to be for yourself, for your relationships, for the whole amazing span of your life, will gradually and beautifully reveal itself in time.

Patience with one another is also a quietness of spirit, a deep inner knowing that rests secure in the knowledge that you are on the right journey, that your sweetheart, and that no matter the pitfall or detours , you can stand at his side, be in her presence, quietly waiting. . .  with patience.

Love waxes and wanes with the seasons, with out hormones, and our circumstances, but love of the heart and soul must be constantly nourished and tended to. Patience gives us hope for the future; gentleness gives us grace in the moment; kindness dissolves the wounds of the past. Be gentle, kind and patient with one another and watch your love beautifully flourish.

“Love Is Like A Garden”

Posted in Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace by

Romance Is More A DinnerYour love is like a garden and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that loving someone can bring. The ground needs to be tilled with kindness so your seeds of love can spout.

The seeds have to be planted with care if they are to penetrate your sweethearts heart. Love needs to be watered with kind words and compliments.  Love must bask under the warm sun of your undivided attention.

The weeds of pettiness and lies must be pulled from the field of love. The fruits of love need time to grow and cannot be picked until they are ripe. If you don’t put the required effort  into your garden of love, you can be certain that the weeds will invade and your garden will yield little in the way of love. But if you work at it , you’ll find a bumper crop of love waiting for you to harvest each and every day.

“Giving And Recieving Help Is A Sign Of Love”

Posted in friendships, Life, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships by

Call Her SweetheartGiving help is a sign of love. The person who comes to your aid and is living proof that your lives are shared and that the two of you want to be there for the other with your time, your energy, and your knowledge.

So look at a cry for help as an opportunity to prove the strength of your love to each other. And never be afraid to ask for help… not from the one you love and who loves you. It can be difficult to ask for it. You don’t want to appear weak or stupid. You don’t want to be turned down or put down. You don’t want to be yelled at or ignored. You don’t want to lose face or have a face made at you again.

But once you cry for assistance and that helping hand is next to yours, it’s  such a relief and it makes you wonder why you waited so long to ask. There’s no better feeling than to ask for help and be told that help is on the way. Especially if it comes with two strong hands, a wealth of expertise, a blanket of caring, and you see, giving and receiving help is a sign of love.

“Do Activities With Your Sweetheart”

Posted in Family Values, Love, Marriage, relationships, Romace by

Dinner For TwoCouples who do things together are couples who have good relationships. If they’re schussing down the slopes or batting tennis balls across a net or scouring the countryside for antiques or cooking up a storm in the kitchen or spending a leisurely day at home together or building a house for Habitat for Humanity or singing in a choir or running a business together. . .  then you can be almost certain that their love is strong.

It’s not that you must spend every minute of your lives in each other’s company to have a good relationship. Every individual needs some space, but the more you bathe in each other’s aura, the stronger the ties that bind will be.

Just because you’re drawing breath in the same room doesn’t mean that you’re together. Passive time, like sleeping in the same bed, watching the same glowing TV all night, reading different  sections of the same newspaper, or taking on the phone to other people, doesn’t build a relationship. To brew a strong relationship, you must mix both the quantity and the quality of the time you  spend together.

When choosing activities to do together you are planning for the long haul. There will come a time when your children have left the nest and you’ll want to be able to fill the time with activities you both enjoy.

“Dreams Can Come True It Can Happen To You”

Posted in Love, Marriage, Romace, Weddings by

Stella & DavidYou are special start picturing yourself being successful  instead of failing. See your strengths instead of only your “flaws.”You can replace all your doubt with hope and start transforming your disappointments into determinations.That is where your special gifts are. You can do something that makes more of a difference than money, fame or luck: You can believe dreams do come true, and your can, too!

This is a story about Stella who changed her disappointments into determinations and had a dream come true and if it can happen to her it can happen to you too! Stella owns a Vintage Victorian shop in Bouzigues. France, half an hour west of Montpellier. Her shop offers a bit of paradise to everyone who stops in to see her and the tourist love to come from all over to buy antiques from her.

It ‘s no surprise that Stella recognizes a real treasure when she finds one and evidently so did David as they stood in a vintage consignment shop that was mixed in among the beautiful high-end galleries. As Stella stood there admiring a vintage painting of a 17th century The French formal garden, also called jardin a`la francaise Stella noticed that the man admiring the same painting wasn’t wearing a wedding ring either. Stella was feeling out-of-place when she realized how she was dressed and it wasn’t exactly an out fit that would encourage a guy to ask a girl for her phone number or out for a cup a coffee. It was a Friday night and she was on her way to a local flea market and dressed in what she called her flea market cloths.

She had learned after many years of shopping for items to buy to resale in her shop that if she dressed a little shabby people seemed to show favor to her and she could haggle them down on the prices which always made her feel good but this Friday night she regretted not being dressed up but then again she hadn’t planned on meeting David.

At first Stella contemplated leaving when she realized that the handsome man in a well-cut suit would probably out bid her for the painting. She came to this conclusion based on the way the receptionist was eyeing her jeans and shabby blouse not to mention how frazzled her hair looked after riding a motor scooter around town with out a helmet on.

She thought to herself: How could she possibly win the receptionist over?  After all the man was exceptionally handsome and charming in a George Clooney kind of way. Before she knew it the man in the well-cut suit said, “David Morgan.”  I’m an appraiser as they shook hands.  She said, I hadn’t expected the appraiser to be tall, thirty-ish and so good-looking. He took the painting and said ” Nice landscape, I love the way the colors glow.” Don’t you? She wanted to say, I love the way your eyes glow when you look at this painting. He said, I admire the amber-toned wheat field and then glanced at her. Suddenly aware of how close to him she was standing, she stepped back. He studied the signature as he said, “I remember this picture it was part of an estate auction and the artist is pretty obscure.” Then he said, I need about an hour to research this painting to come up with a fair price for you, he went on to say if you leave your email or cell number I’ll call you in about an hour or so.

Stella handed him one of her business cards and went home. She was thrilled at the thought of having an hour of to put herself together and was hoping that she would  make a lasting impression on him. She knew exactly which dress to wear to gain his attention it was her new summer crêpe dress with its playful details on it. She paired  it with a pair of stacked sandals an oversized leather tote and added an  oversized stylish leather belt and matching hat.

Stella called her friend Bridget who is a make up artist and hair stylish to came over to do her hair and make up and when Bridget had finished Stella said, that she didn’t recognize the beauty looking back in her in the mirror. Bridget couldn’t help but notice that while she was doing what she does best making women look gorgeous Stella hadn’t stopped talking about David for even one second. So Bridget said, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding. Stella blushed and wrote down David Morgan is my husband thank you God.

David called Stella exactly when he said he would and they met back at the flea market but this time David looked like an unmade bed. Stella couldn’t help but to start blushing because she thought it was obvious that she had gotten all dazzled up to impress him. David took one look at her and said, vous allez faire une belle mariee bientot  translated into English means: you are going to make a beautiful bride soon Stella took his words as a sign and one year latter Bridget was her maid of honor. . . Isn’t God good she said?

“Sometimes Reclaiming Your Life Means Giving Up The Fariy Tale”

Posted in Divorce, Dreams, family, friendships, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

Couple in conflictHave you ever felt that you walked the path of your life alone? That you were the only woman who has ever made a painful, stupid mistake? That you settled for less than you deserved?  Did you desperately desire love above all else? Did you yearn for a real partner so much it hurt: Have you ever thought “Why is every woman but me in a great relationship?  “Why can’t I be that happy?” Or found yourself rejected by the person you loved and it left you feeling that something was wrong with you?

When a devastating breakdown of a relationship ends it can feel like a wild boar‘s tusk ripping through your heart. You can become convinced that you are the only woman who has ever made a complete mess of your life. You feel alone, rejected, and furious that you had deceived yourself for so long. That you had given up on “yourself” to keep the love of another for years, only to be left with a heart torn to shreds.

What women learn shortly after the initial blow of their relationship’s end is that, they failed to understand above all else, is that they needed to honor the most important relationship of all “the one with themselves.” The ending of a relationship becomes the beginning of a journey for women  to learn many things about themselves and how to love and honor themselves.

The journey of being a woman can seem crazy and confusing but for better or worse, women have many of the same stories, heartbreak, obstacles, and expectations. The good news is that women don’t have to remain captive to the limiting beliefs swirling in their psyches and in society, which keeps them far from their dreams. We always have a choice. Along life’s path, we all have the opportunity to gain wisdom from our mistakes, the self-awareness that comes from healing our wounds, and clarity by claiming our needs.

If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power that is available to heal our hearts and teach us how to love ourselves, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations will be lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us.

I, too relied on the wisdom and support of many women, some of them total strangers, to progress through my journey to wholeness.  By watching others and listening, I learned that to fully and wholeheartedly love another I first needed to fully and wholeheartedly embrace ” myself.” This realization is a major source of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge and experiences with  other women. Women need to share the wisdom gained on their personal path as they went from being a person they thought they had to be to be loved to being the one they actually are.

In them I gained wisdom while on my personal path as I went from being  a person I thought I knew and loved to being one I actually do know and love. We shared our stories about living ordinary lives, raising children, creating a safe home life, the ups and downs of stay at home moms to the working moms. Some of us were married and some single. We talked about many issues like paying bills, being young, and getting older and the list goes on and on and lets not forget divorce as well. We also talked about trying to find sources of love and happiness but often looking in the wrong places. When we stopped and took a careful look at the life we had created and honesty answered this question “Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life first?  The one with my self and God.

We discovered reclaiming our lives meant giving up the fairy tale that we had created about ourselves and instead finding out what reality was. The new path may did not seem clear at the beginning to us  and we felt like we were fumbling in the dark grabbing for something to hold to, then one of my dear friends said, remember this is a normal feeling and keep moving forward and don’t go back. During this time we discovered within ourselves the spirit of survivor and a deeper faith we never knew existed.

 We also learned that loving ourselves is knowing ourselves, enjoying and valuing the women that we are, and understanding that getting to know ourselves and God  is a lifelong personal enterprise. It meant that we needed to  appreciate ourselves as much as we appreciate the ones we love. Loving ourselves is recognizing our gifts and talents and then putting them to good use, acknowledging our flaws and forgiving ourselves for them. We learned that loving ourselves was reaching for more, it was reaching for the best, in ourselves. We discovered that our hearts can only hold as much love as we believe it can. So often women put up with shabby treatment in love because they don’t believe they deserve better or they are still stuck in fairy tale thinking.  So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated even more wonderfully in love than any fairy tale woman has ever been. 

Carol. M.