Category Archives: Love

Always Express Your Gratitude

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Saying thank you is how we express our gratitude and it has a great effect on our partners.

For the person being thanked, a “thank you” is a mirror of the love he or she has given.

It not only increases our sense of ourselves as loving persons but enlarges our capacity to be loving.

Whatever form it comes in, smiles, kisses, cash, praise, hugs, compliments, time, candy, lovemaking, letters, texting, listening, a new hat, a new baby, a new car, a planned vacation, a surprise vacation, an insight, a sense of security, a bouquet of flowers, the sharing of some feelings. Saying “Thank You” can have a great effect.

Saying “Thank You” is also important for the person who says it. On the simplest level, it’s an act of courtesy, a recognition of the good thing the other person has done. But on a deeper level, it’s a way of changing our consciousness about the nature of our relationships. For, in uttering our gratitude, we anchor in our minds that fact that we’ve been given to.

It’s all to easy, in any relationship, to become a whining, complaining, grumpy partner who feels as if the other person has never done, and will never do, anything nice or special for you. Saying “Thank You” dispels this feeling of hopelessness and creates an internal attitude of attitude of optimism. A pathway formed in our minds that in time becomes a thoroughfare; the belief that we have been treated with generosity and goodness of heart, that begins to take root in our consciousness. In this sense, saying “Thank You” is a character building act. It develops a positive view of our partners and the people in our lives.

Just as millions of snowflakes pile up to create a blanket of snow, the “thank you’s” we say pile up and fall frequently upon one another until, in our hearts and minds, we are adrift in gratitude.

Finding Peace In Relationships

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In the tit-for-tat world of our psychological dramas, we tend to make life adversarial. We take sides. We look at intentions and effects such as she was late just so I’d feel bad; he said that just to hurt me. We seek redress for our insults and wounds; we keep score (you were late more often than I was; you flirted more than I did; you hurt me more than I hurt you; your meaner than I am; well, anyway, you were meaner more times.

It’s as if in trying to find peace in relationships, he thinks, she thinks, keeping score will win the day. Keeping score is like a trash can for misplaced emotions. If he or she looks at you as an enemy they’ll  show you all your crimes, and prove that you’re guilty, thinking they deserve you to make up for it by loving them more because you’ll feel so badly about how you’ve behaved.

 Enemy, crimes, proof of guilt, make up and love them more. This sounds more like the beginnings of a murder mystery and not a loving relationship. Doesn’t it? Unfortunately ( and fortunately, he or she isn’t a corporation that can be sued (and required to make recompense) like a faulty product. People don’t “pay up” in love because they’re shamed or proven guilty. In fact, the stronger inclination is to get away from the heat and head for the hills. Justice doesn’t always prevail. People who keep score and get pay back are like murderers of love. Aren’t they? Taking an adversarial position will only make an adversary of your mate; and adversaries make war, not love.

That’s why, when conflict arises we need to look for common ground. In the midst of the fray, when we seek the kernel of truth that can bridge us to understanding, we can find our way back to union. We all have a dark side; we’ve all hurt one another more than we’d like to admit. But even our misdeeds merit an attempt at understanding, because the truth is that even dastardly acts are born in pain. That doesn’t excuse them, of course, but it’s important to remember that even the difficult, hard, hurtful things we do to each other spring from the woundedness within us.

When I can comprehend your suffering (and, therefore, the crooked behavior you perpetrated on me) and you can comprehend my pain (and, therefore, my wrongdoing to you), we can stand face to face in compassion, unravel the missteps we’ve made, and together start over from a different place.

So if, in your heart of hearts, you seek union, pleasure, companionship, support, and nourishment from your partner, don’t make an adversary out of him or her. Even in the hairiest fray, try curiosity and kindness. “Why were you late?” “Why were you so short with me?” Try it you may find out something surprising. ( I got back a frightening mammogram today”; “The guy right next to you in the gym keeled over and died”), something which instead of turning your partner into the enemy, fill your heart with compassion. Our relationships become sweeter, deeper and more gracious when we are loving and compassionate with our partners.

The Sweet Bliss Of Rose Petals

Posted in Brides, Dreams, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Women by

 Come lie with me in the rose petals in the sweet bliss of their petals. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had rose petals to lie in? Wouldn’t it be exciting if you had enough time to lie down, sweetly, deliciously, in them? Do  you wish that you had the beautiful imagination to whisper such words in the first place? 

To be able to say such words would mean that some wonderful things had already happened to you.

 It might mean that your spirit is already free, that your heart is open and clear, that you already have been touched so deeply, so dearly, by someone who you could want to lie down in a bed of rose petals with him, with her. The two of you feeling the texture, breathing the fragrance, savoring the mystic effervescence, that you have arranged your life, your day, your way of being so that, in fact you could partake of your own wise and wild invitation.

To say, “Come lie with me in the rose petals and let us bow down to the scent of the roses, performing our sorrows, diminishing the grasp of all our tragedies, unraveling the grip of all the ordinary awful tasks that bind us, dull us, and so tediously unshine us. Let us slip for a moment into the sweet bliss of roses, into a breathless bevy kisses, of magic, of always. 

How long has it been since you’ve spoken such courtly, majestic, and fanciful words if ever? There is no time like the moment. There are no words more special than the ones you feel moved to utter, no risk more worthy than the one you fancy taking, to move you farther, move you deeply, into the sweet bliss of love.

Therefore, take courage, be a jester and a hero, and say to your darling beloved (while the sun watches, while the moon hovers, while the birds sing), “Come lie with me in rose petals, and let us rejoice in our love.”

Language Can Create Reality

Posted in Chidren, Life, Love, relationships, Uncategorized by

Language is a very powerful instrument. What we utter is what we believe or expect, and if we say it enough, in time what we speak becomes true. What we say, and what we hear others say, has the power to sculp our experience, our view of ourselves.

 One form of emotional healing comes form the precise use of language, words you speak and words that are spoken to you. Because of this, an intimate relationship and the verbal exchange intrinsic to it have a greater capacity than almost anything else in the world to heal us of deep emotional wounds.

Words spoken to us by our loved ones truly have the capacity to heal our memories and deeply imprinted pains and to recreate our sense of ourselves and of the world. This means that the negative words that shape your early consciousness and/ or your perception of yourself. “Your Ugly”; You can’t have that; we’re too poor”; ” You never pay attention”; “Why can’t you keep your mouth shout”?  Can actually be revised, corrected, and dispelled through the careful use of language.

Brad had been endlessly yelled at for how he behaved at school, told what a mess he made of his school work, punished for being late, and criticized for getting Cs. No body had ever bothered to note his intuitive genius, the extraordinary function of his mind. Years of ravaged self-esteem began to be healed for Brad the day his sweetheart first told him he was intelligent.

You’re brilliant, she said. I just love the way your mind works. The minute she said that something inside me started to shift, he told me later. I began to believe I wasn’t stupid. The more she said it, the more I was able to believe her. The more she said it, the more I noticed that other people sometimes said similar things. In time, her words changed how I felt about myself entirely.” Brad considered himself a lucky man to marry a gal who really valued his mind and always had a kind word to say.

Brads story shows us that language does have the power to change reality. Therefore, treat  your words as the mighty instruments they are. Use them to heal, to bring into being, to remove, as if by magic, the terrible violations of childhood, to nurture, to cherish, to bless, to forgive, to create from your heart, true love.

Love As A Garden

Posted in Brides, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Uncategorized, Women by

Communications have improved in so many ways. Pocket computers carry more power than could be imagined in older days. But all the electronic gizmos don’t help a romance at all, unless you’re communicating your love when you call.

Silence is like a vacuüm, drawing in all thoughts that go by. So protect your lover’s ears; be aware what your words imply. Choose your words carefully; think about what you say. Don’t fill the void with just anything, squawking like a joy.

Make sure your emotions aren’t trapped elsewhere. Give what you say, meaning; speak and act with care. Then love will sound like a trumpet and to your words impart the clarity of romance as you speak heart to heart.

Think of your love as a garden, and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that love can bring. The ground need to be tilled with kindness, for if it is too hard, love’s seed can’t spout. The seeds have to be planted with care if they are to penetrate your lover’s heart.

Love needs to be watered with kind words and compliments, Love must bask under the warm sun of your undivided attention. The weeds of pettiness and lies must be pulled form the field of love. The fruits of love need time to grow and cannot be picked until they are ripe.  If you don’t put the required effort into your garden of love, you can certain that the weeds will invade and your garden will yield little in the way of love. But if you work at it, you’ll find a bumper crop of love waiting for you to harvest each and every day.

Be An Artist Of Love

Posted in Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Women by

Some days you may push love aside. Other times love may push you around. Just make certain in your heart and head that you are working in unison when creating your canvas of love.

Since you “fall” in love, many people treat love as if it were some strange best over which they have no control. But you have more say over your emotions than you think.

Put a sad movie in your DVD player and you’ll cry. Listen or dance to your favorite song on your iPod and your spirits will pick up. You can have a similar effect on the setting of your love dial. While love can be overwhelming at times, or so subtle you can’t tell it’s there, that doesn’t absolve you from honing your skills as a lover. The best lovers have the most control, not least. Even if you’re head over heels in love, you should keep some control, or you risk driving away the person you adore. There are times to go overboard and other times to bank that excess love.

And at the other extreme, if your schedule is crammed twenty-fours a  day, you can’t forget that you have a partner who has needs that must be met. Sure, there are days when you can take out a loan that you promise to pay back in interest, but you can also overextend that type of credit and wind up bankrupt.

 A painter mixes colors to come up with various shades. You must do the same because even love can be boring if it becomes too monotone. So some days, even if you’re not feeling overly romantic, tune up the heat. Shout “I love you” across the room. Put a little more oomph into that hug. Not only will your partner appreciate your use of the brighter colors in your palette, but will probably change your mood as well. You don’t need special skills to learn to be an artist of love. You just need to always be aware that you are a lover at heart.

The Movie Roman Holiday

Posted in Life, Love, Movies, relationships, Romace by

Roman Holiday is a 1953 romantic comedy directed  and produced by William Wyler and starring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn. Hepburn won an Academy Award for best actress for her performance; the screenplay and costume design also won.

The plot is about Ann (Hepburn) as the crown princess of an unspecified country. Who one night secretly leaves her country’s embassy to experience Rome by herself. She had taken a sedative before she left. Eventually it took effect and she fell asleep on a bench, where she met Joe ( Gregory Peck), an American reporter working in Rome finds her.

Not recognizing her, he offers her money so that she can take a taxi home, but a very woozy “Anya Smith” (as she calls herself) refuses to coöperate. Joe finally decides, for safety’s sake, to let her spend the night in his apartment. He is amused by he regal way. When Joe is informed that the press conference for the princess had been canceled because the princess had suddenly “fallen ill”. Joe sees a picture of her and the opportunity before him and proposes an exclusive interview with his editor. Joe also surreptitiously calls his photographer friend, Irving ( Eddie Albert). 

As Joe and Anna’s  relationship developes Anya shares with Joe her dream of living a normal life without her crushing responsibilities. Throughout all this, they gradually fall in love, but Anya realizes that their relationship cannot continue.

She finally bids farewell to Joe and returns to the embassy. The next day. Princess Ann appears at a news conference, and is alarmed to find Joe among the press.

 Joe lets her know by allusion, that her secret is safe with him. Irving discreetly presents her with an envelope with the photos in it. She in turn works into her bland statements a coded message of love and gratitude to Joe. She then departs, leaving Joe to linger for a while, contemplating what might have been.

Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one’s love, or one’s deep emotional desires t connect with another person. Historically, the term “romance” originates with  the medieval ideal of chivalry as set out in its Romance literature.

The debate over an exact definition of love may be found in literature a well as in the works of psychologists, biochemists and other professional and specialists. Romantic love is a relative term, but generally accepted as a definition that distinguishes moments and situations within interpersonal relationships to an individual as contributing to a significant relationship connection.

A Season Of Life

Posted in family, generational changes, Life, Love, relationships, Spiritual, Women by

Positive minds produce positive lives. Negative minds produce negative lives. Positive thoughts are always full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt.

Some people are afraid to hope because they have been hurt so much in life. They have had so many disappointments, they don’t think they can face the pain of another one. Therefore, they refuse to hope so they would not be disappointed.

This avoidance of hope is a type of protection against being hurt. Disappointment hurts! So rather than be hurt again, many people simply refuse to hope or to believe that anything good will ever happen to them. This type of behavior set up a negative lifestyle. Remember “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Do you know someone who is extremely negative?  They might say to you, that if they have two positive thoughts in a row that their mind would get a cramp? Their whole philosophy is this: “If you don’t expect anything good to happen, then you won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t.” After spending time getting to know them, you learn that they have encountered many disappointments in life, leaving them afraid to believe that anything good might happen to them again. It becomes obvious to you that since their thoughts are all negative, so are the words they speak; therefore, so is their life. You try to  stay positive and wish you could get into their head and replace their negative thoughts with positive ones. Wouldn’t that be helpful?   I have friends who are negative, and I find it interesting that words they speak came to pass in their lives.

 I  also have friends who are positive, and are always finding the good in the many situations they are in life. It doesn’t mean that people who are positive thinkers don’t have doubt and feel sad, but it  does means they don’t stay stuck in their negative thoughts. It means that remain hopeful.

 Sometimes a season of life might be so devastating that the only positive thought we can have for a while is I’m breathing. I was in a season of life with a friend a few years ago. All we could say to each other was, “Your breathing aren’t you?”  Then that makes this a good day doesn’t it?  Now when I want to complain about my current season of life, I remind myself that I’m not only breathing but, I’m happy again. Life is good. Isn’t it?

Wouldn’t life be perfect if we never had to endure the devastating seasons of it?  

A few years ago I went through a devastating season of life. It was when people I loved passed away unexpectedly, and all I could do was breath because I was numb. 

 Now, I’m in a season of a life, and looking forward to the birth of my granddaughter. I have learned that life really does work in seasons, and some can be cold like winter, while others can be sunny and warm like summer.

It’s The Little Things That Count

Posted in Brides, family, Family Values, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

It’s the little things you do each day that will keep your love strong. Grand gestures are fun. They can make the heart soar. But if they only happen once or twice a year, What’s the fun in that? Little gestures are not as splashy. They may even go unnoticed. But if it weren’t for the raindrops, the oceans would soon be empty. So let your drops of love rain down. When people lose a partner whom they’ve loved dearly, it’s not the grand gestures that they miss, it’s  the little things. It’s the nightly cup of tea. It’s checking that the front door is locked. It’s flowers in the vase. It’s drying the dishes. It’s holding hands.

The little things are like the nails that hold a house together. You don’t see them, but they’re doing their work. And like nails, the little things don’t insert themselves without some help. Each one may not take a lot of energy, but if put enough energy into the little things, over time you’ll build a great big love. You’ve been taught to say “Thank You” for presents, but do you acknowledge the little presents your spouse gives you every day? You can never say “Thank You” too many times, though most people don’t say it enough. Do they?

Every Day Is Memorable

Posted in family, Family Values, Keepsakes, Life, Love, relationships, Women by

Make every day you’re in love memorable. When you’re in love every day should be considered memorable: every good morning kiss, every hug, every caress, every cuddle.

As the years of your couplehood fly by, you accumulate a full house of furniture, an attic full of old clothes, a garage full of treasured junk, and one mind. Shared by two people, full of golden memories. You’re not conscious of making memories. A walk down the aisle, a period of tropical bliss, a toddler’s first steps, and a family vacation may stand out, but the majority of your precious minutes together on earth are not so easily held on to. Can you possibly remember every shared moment? Of course not.

But while so many thousands of events can’t possibly stick out in your mind, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t act like they will. Even if you can’t remember every time you do something together, by putting more of yourself into each and every shared moment, they’ll mean so much more to you as they’re occurring.

 Don’t kiss perfunctorily put some love in it. Put more energy in your hugs and hold on to the ones you love a little longer. Look your partner in the eyes, and mean it when you say “I love you,” At the end of the day, your memory banks may not be any fuller, but your love will be a lot richer. Regardless if you are in love or not remember to treat the people in your life, with kindness, respect, and love.

Some Times Love Hurts…

Posted in family, Life, Love, relationships, Women by

It’s been said that love should never be associated with the word “hurt”, but it often is. It can hurt so much that it can break someone’s heart.

Heartbreak is not always avoidable but it may be repairable. 

 Sometimes fate deals us a lousy hand. The person we love is forced to move away, someone steals your love’s heart from you, or their death cuts your heart into a million pieces. Avoidable heart breaks are the most tragic. You’re already together, but something is trying to pull you apart. It starts with a wound real or perceived. An apology would cause the wound to heal, but pride or stubbornness or stupidity keeps the apology locked inside.

One wound might not be serious, but when added to a series of others, the consequences can be fatal. So the two of you become haters and the love is shattered. While the leftover cracks might not make gluing together the many pieces of a shattered mirror worthwhile, love is. Other wise people may spend the rest of their lives stepping on those shard of their love all around their life. Each shard is labeled with a “What if?” and each is capable of causing endless pain. They can be dulled by the years, swept away by a new love, or used for endless episodes of self-pity. One solution is to look into the future and realize that love needs to be put above all else. Petty emotions have to be put aside to protect the bond of love.

When someone suffers a heart attack, it’s obvious that every second counts and that the patient needs immediate attention. It’s not as obvious to many people who the same is true for a broken heart. Too often people wait until it’s too late to get help to repair their relationships. Remember every second counts when repairing a wound and the loss of love might be the price.

Play Your Song

Posted in Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Songs, Women by

Remember your song? The one the band played at your wedding? Or on the car radio blasting on your way to the beach? or the violinist who serenaded you with at your favorite Italian restaurant?

Of all the sounds that fill the air piercing through the cacophony of life, this tune provides the two of you with the most joyous noise of all. 

 If love requires occasional quiet to prosper it can also thrive surrounded by some joyous noise. Don’t allow your song to disappear use it to communicate the love you have for each other maybe even play it everyday. Perhaps you could use it to wake up to every morning or listen to it right before you go to bed or use it as the background sound on your voicemail. Sometimes you can whistle it while you’re preparing dinner.

Others may share your song but when you set the music playing for that moment it’s all yours, not just for one of you but for both of you. The song can help tie you closer together and the more you play it the tighter the ties will be. 

 While the music is to be heard it can also be written on a romantic note card and displayed in a place to surprise your lover. There’s a women in New York who makes romantic cards just for lovers with the words to their song in it.  Whether it’s on a romantic card or in another form like stationary, you can show your love for your song by displaying it on note cards in many places where sounds are out-of-place. If you can’t do any of that send them a text with the first lines of your love song to them or make it your ring tones on your phones.

If you have children you might have to wait a few years to get started on connecting through your love songs but there is a lot of fun kid songs to choose. 

Regardless if you have kids or not play music, dance, and sing as a way of saying ” I Love You.”

Love

Posted in Books, Brides, Dreams, Life, Love, Quotes, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.  Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness,compassion, and affection; and the unselfish loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.  Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase,”God is Love” or Agape in the canonical gospels. Love may also be described as actions towards others (or oneself) based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection.

In English, love refers to many different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure, “I loved that meal” to Love at first sight such as in “Romeo and Juliet”  Shakespeare’s most popular archetypal stories of young teenage lovers.

Then there is the love at first glance kind of love as described in the novel “Les Miserables”, by Victor Hugo,  between the characters Marius Pontmercy a student and Cosette falling in love after glancing into each others eyes for the first time and by the end of the novel married each other.

Then there’s interpersonal attraction I love my partner. “Love” may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of a spouse, to the emotional closeness of family love or the platonic love that defines friendship. 

In romantic relationships, “falling in Love” is mainly a Western tradition. It is used to describe the process of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards a person to one of love. The use of the  term “fall” implies that the process is in some way inevitable, uncontrollable, risky, irreversible, or that it puts the lover in a state of vulnerability, in the same way the word “Fall” is used in the phase “To Fall Ill” or “To Fall Into A Trap.”  The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong, although not necessarily permanent.  Before we fall in love, we can see the other person as a bare branch; as we fall, we coat him or her with jeweled attractions about 80 percent of our own making.

There are many contributing factors when we ask ourselves Who and why that person?  A few factors that contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and attractiveness. Similarity would seem especially important: some would even claim that when we fall in love we fall into narcissistic identification. 

 Psychology research has shown two basis for love at first sight. The first is that the attractiveness of a person can be very quickly determined, with the average time in one study being 0.13 second. The second is that the first few minutes of a relationship have shown to be predictive of the relationship’s future success, more so than what two people have in common or whether they like each other. Family therapists maintain that the reason we’re attracted to someone at this very deep level is that basically they are like us in a psychological sense. Others suggest that the very act of falling in love set in motion old patterns of how we love.

Love at first sight is a common trope in Western literature, in which a person, character, or speaker feels romantic attraction for a stranger.The name Romeo, in popular culture, has become nearly synonymous with “Lover.” Romeo and Juliet, does indeed experience a love of such purity and passion, that he kills himself when he believes that the object of his love, Juliet died.  The power of Romeo’s love however, often obscures a clear vision of Romeo’s character, which is far more complex. Even Romeo’s relation to love is not so simple. Mean while Juliet’s first meeting with Romeo propels her full-force toward adulthood. All of this started with a glance. I wonder how many of us “love” at first glance? I wonder…

The History Of Wedding Cakes

Posted in Bakeries, Baking, Cup Cakes, Life, Love, Romace, T.V., traditions, Wedding Cakes by

A wedding cake in the U.S. is  traditionally  served to guests at a wedding reception. In parts of England it may be served at a wedding breakfast. In Western culture, it is usually a large cake, multi-layered or tiered, and heavily decorated icing, usually over a layer of  marzipan or fondant.

Achieving a dense, strong cake that can support the decorations while remaining edible can be considered the epitome of the baker’s art and skill.

The modern wedding cake was first inspired by this church steeple in London and it’s far from being a the modern wedding cake paste frosting used on many wedding cakes was invented in 1888. In 1902 the pillars used to support the tiers of the layer cake were developed.

Wedding cake toppers are small models that sit on top of the cake that normally represent a bride and groom in formal wedding attire. This custom was dominant in U.S. wedding in the 1950s where it represented the concept of togetherness. Wedding toppers today are often figures that show shared hobbies or other passions if used at all.

Another trend is “Wedding Cupcakes.” They imitate the tiers of a wedding cake, the cupcakes are on a stand and decorated in the wedding colors.

In Britain and Ireland a cup might be called a fairy cake because of its fairy-like wings.

Gourmet cupcakes are larger and filled cupcakes, based around a variety of flavor themes, such as Tiramisu or Cappuccino.

Every bride and groom deserves a wedding cake or a wedding cupcake, from white tiers dripping down with sugared blooms to chocolate layers topped with fruit. Now days brides can watch Bakers like the “Cake Boss” which is a reality series on TLC to get ideas. This is the first generation of brides to be able to do this.

As one commentator puts it, “we’re in the golden age of cake television.” From “Ace of Cakes” and ” Ultimate Cake Off,”  to  “Last Cake Standing” and “Wedding Cake Wars,” cake programs are everywhere.

In the last three years you couldn’t turn the channel without landing on one of these sugar-soaked shows. ” Cake Boss” is arguable the most successful and highest rated of the bunch. Now seen in 180 countries, it has achieved near cult status, attracting  visitors from Hoboken ,N.J.‘ from as far away as Japan. What’s a Bride to do these days so many cakes and so little time?