Category Archives: Life

A Slice Of Life

Posted in Chidren, family, generational changes, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Women by

Having fun with our kids is like a slice of pie. Think about a pie not as a fruit pie, but as a pie of life with slices that define different, slices of family life. One slice is childhood, the next slice is the parenting years, followed by the early adult slice and the largest slice is the empty nest years.

 If we live out our average life expectancy, we will spend twice as many years as adults together with our children, than when they were living at home with us. When a group of my friends got together we talked about our relationships with our parents. Some of us got along well with them, others did not. When we probed the reasons, it had a lot to do with parenting patterns developed during childhood.

 In other words, how we parent our young kids might shape our relationship with them when they grow up. We figured out that the ones who wanted to be friends as adults and spend time together, not out of obligation but, because they enjoyed each other and had moms who included fun as one of their family values. They seemed to be the moms who adult children wanted to spend time with for all the right reasons.

You might be asking yourself what does fun look like?  Just look around you and watch other fun families. You’ll notice they can have fun and be fun even in unlikely places. Like the grocery store or waiting in line at the DMV. Fun is an attitude as much as an activity. And to have fun, we have to be fun, which means lightening up.

Throughout the years, the activities changed. We went from having fun with preschoolers which was fairly simple. They loved to play and loved the attention they got when we did almost anything together. When our kids got older, their fun included their friends, which meant stretching the family circle to make those friends feel welcome in our homes. We agreed that parenting includes the responsibility to shape appropriate fun as kids grow up, which was easier when their friends gathered at our houses.

 The best advice offered was to learn to let go of our own expectations and stop trying to  Besides, our best and most humorous family memories often came out of those unexpected out comes. Friendships with our adult children evolve as slowly as our parenting bumped and bounced from controlling to influencing to simply encouraging and enjoying.

The fun we have along the way is not so much about doing things, as about being in relationships that allowed for growth and embraced our differences. It’s been said, that being friends and having fun with our adult children is the best slice of the pie of life!

 

Love

Posted in Books, Brides, Dreams, Life, Love, Quotes, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment.  Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness,compassion, and affection; and the unselfish loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.  Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase,”God is Love” or Agape in the canonical gospels. Love may also be described as actions towards others (or oneself) based on compassion, or as actions towards others based on affection.

In English, love refers to many different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from pleasure, “I loved that meal” to Love at first sight such as in “Romeo and Juliet”  Shakespeare’s most popular archetypal stories of young teenage lovers.

Then there is the love at first glance kind of love as described in the novel “Les Miserables”, by Victor Hugo,  between the characters Marius Pontmercy a student and Cosette falling in love after glancing into each others eyes for the first time and by the end of the novel married each other.

Then there’s interpersonal attraction I love my partner. “Love” may refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the sexual love of a spouse, to the emotional closeness of family love or the platonic love that defines friendship. 

In romantic relationships, “falling in Love” is mainly a Western tradition. It is used to describe the process of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards a person to one of love. The use of the  term “fall” implies that the process is in some way inevitable, uncontrollable, risky, irreversible, or that it puts the lover in a state of vulnerability, in the same way the word “Fall” is used in the phase “To Fall Ill” or “To Fall Into A Trap.”  The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong, although not necessarily permanent.  Before we fall in love, we can see the other person as a bare branch; as we fall, we coat him or her with jeweled attractions about 80 percent of our own making.

There are many contributing factors when we ask ourselves Who and why that person?  A few factors that contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and attractiveness. Similarity would seem especially important: some would even claim that when we fall in love we fall into narcissistic identification. 

 Psychology research has shown two basis for love at first sight. The first is that the attractiveness of a person can be very quickly determined, with the average time in one study being 0.13 second. The second is that the first few minutes of a relationship have shown to be predictive of the relationship’s future success, more so than what two people have in common or whether they like each other. Family therapists maintain that the reason we’re attracted to someone at this very deep level is that basically they are like us in a psychological sense. Others suggest that the very act of falling in love set in motion old patterns of how we love.

Love at first sight is a common trope in Western literature, in which a person, character, or speaker feels romantic attraction for a stranger.The name Romeo, in popular culture, has become nearly synonymous with “Lover.” Romeo and Juliet, does indeed experience a love of such purity and passion, that he kills himself when he believes that the object of his love, Juliet died.  The power of Romeo’s love however, often obscures a clear vision of Romeo’s character, which is far more complex. Even Romeo’s relation to love is not so simple. Mean while Juliet’s first meeting with Romeo propels her full-force toward adulthood. All of this started with a glance. I wonder how many of us “love” at first glance? I wonder…

Nana’s Hands

Posted in family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Quotes, Spiritual by

If we can be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love’s reach. Our Nana was a generous woman with a big heart not just to her family but to all kinds of people, even people she didn’t know.

 She did nice things without expecting anything back. Nana was especially good at baking and she made the best chocolate chipcookies in the world.

One of the best things about Nana was that she loved people and they loved her back. Friends and family knew they could stop by and see her anytime and Nana would always welcome them. Everyone in her family depended on Nana to keep them up with the latest birth or who got married in the neighborhood (in the old neighborhood) as my dad use to say. They grew up in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. 

Now Nana’s not here to tell us what’s going on, or to bake those favorite things she was so good at making. Nana passed away a few years and my cousin found this poem and we realized that it describes how we felt about our Nana. It’s called “Nana’s Hands.”

Nana’s Hands used to touch us with. Nana’s hands would scold us and sit us down in a chair. Nana’s hands would applaud us when we did something good. Nana’s hands would hold us every chance they could. Nana’s hands would aid us when we fell down. Nana”s hands, Yes I miss them, they were the best hands around. Nana’s hands would spank us and she would say, “Now, Baby, you act right.” Nana’s hands would stroke us and tuck us in at night. Nana’s hands would pray for us, they would pray for everyone she knew. Nana’s hands would rise in the air as in God she put her trust. Nana’s hands were special; they were the very best. Nana’s hands got tired, and now they are at rest.

We thought a lot about the last line of that poem it taught us that it can be hard to lose people we love but it can sometimes be for the better too. When Nana got sick we felt bad for her when we realized she couldn’t do things she loved anymore and she was in pain. At least we knew that she didn’t hurt anymore.

 We also realized that we never thought about how things would change once Nana was gone. Losing someone you love can definitely help us appreciate the people who are special to us while we still have them in our lives.

The History Of Wedding Cakes

Posted in Bakeries, Baking, Cup Cakes, Life, Love, Romace, T.V., traditions, Wedding Cakes by

A wedding cake in the U.S. is  traditionally  served to guests at a wedding reception. In parts of England it may be served at a wedding breakfast. In Western culture, it is usually a large cake, multi-layered or tiered, and heavily decorated icing, usually over a layer of  marzipan or fondant.

Achieving a dense, strong cake that can support the decorations while remaining edible can be considered the epitome of the baker’s art and skill.

The modern wedding cake was first inspired by this church steeple in London and it’s far from being a the modern wedding cake paste frosting used on many wedding cakes was invented in 1888. In 1902 the pillars used to support the tiers of the layer cake were developed.

Wedding cake toppers are small models that sit on top of the cake that normally represent a bride and groom in formal wedding attire. This custom was dominant in U.S. wedding in the 1950s where it represented the concept of togetherness. Wedding toppers today are often figures that show shared hobbies or other passions if used at all.

Another trend is “Wedding Cupcakes.” They imitate the tiers of a wedding cake, the cupcakes are on a stand and decorated in the wedding colors.

In Britain and Ireland a cup might be called a fairy cake because of its fairy-like wings.

Gourmet cupcakes are larger and filled cupcakes, based around a variety of flavor themes, such as Tiramisu or Cappuccino.

Every bride and groom deserves a wedding cake or a wedding cupcake, from white tiers dripping down with sugared blooms to chocolate layers topped with fruit. Now days brides can watch Bakers like the “Cake Boss” which is a reality series on TLC to get ideas. This is the first generation of brides to be able to do this.

As one commentator puts it, “we’re in the golden age of cake television.” From “Ace of Cakes” and ” Ultimate Cake Off,”  to  “Last Cake Standing” and “Wedding Cake Wars,” cake programs are everywhere.

In the last three years you couldn’t turn the channel without landing on one of these sugar-soaked shows. ” Cake Boss” is arguable the most successful and highest rated of the bunch. Now seen in 180 countries, it has achieved near cult status, attracting  visitors from Hoboken ,N.J.‘ from as far away as Japan. What’s a Bride to do these days so many cakes and so little time?

Create A Family Value’s List

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life by

 What are your top five family values?  What traits do you hope your child or grandchildren will have as an adult? 

 Using the following five strategies in the acronym “TEACH”  can help you decide which traits really mean the most to you.

T- Target the value you want to apply right this minute in your home. Focus on only one at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed and spin you wheels trying to do to much. Many moms and grandmothers target a different key value each month. Write down your choices so you don’t forget.

E- Exemplify this value in your own everyday behavior. The easiest way for children and grandchildren to learn any new value is by actually seeing it in action. So intentionally start looking for ways to tune up your chosen value anytime you’re with your children or grandchildren.

A- Accentuate the targeted value in simple ways. For example, if respect is your targeted value seize the opportunity to make a point about treating all people with dignity by showing respect to the people in your life. 

C-Catch your children displaying the value and praise them for it. ” Hey, I know it was hard to admit you broke your brother’s hockey stick. I appreciate your honesty.

H- Highlight the value of the value. ” I loved how you smiled at Grandma today. That was being really kind. Did you see how her face lit up? Whenever you’re kind, it helps make the world a better place.” Whenever you highlight a value be sure you name the value and tell your child exactly how they made a different.

Here is an example of a few values : assertiveness, caring, charitableness, courage, excellence, fairness, friendliness, dependability, determination, generosity, helpfulness, honesty,industriousness, kindness, joyousness, politeness, tolerance, understanding, unselfishness, wisdom, purposefulness and a hundred more words that describe family values. This is something that grandparents can do to.

Best Friends Dance In The Moonlight

Posted in Life by

It is chance that makes sisters, but hearts that make friends. Our girlfriends are a reminder of the blessings that come from closeness and  sharing secrets. We Learn about life together. 

Our girlfriends are the ones who believe in us, the ones we can call on anytime, the ones who never lets us down. They fill a unique space in our lives. They have a piece of our very heart and soul and because of them we know without a doubt that love can get through anything.

Our girlfriends are the ones we feel whole with, the ones we share who we really are. They are the ones who know where we’re coming from. They are the ones who know all we’ve been through, and everything we dream about. We wouldn’t trade our friendships with them for anything. Nothing else could ever begin to bring us the contentment, the craziness, the laughter, and all the thousands of things we share. We understand that life isn’t always the brightest, and we take turns cheering each other up and sometimes we don’t need to apologize for our bad days.

Who else can we call at any hour of the day or night? Who else accepts and understands all of us no matter what comes along good or bad they’ll be there. Knowing this brings us great comfort. Doesn’t it?  We have a trust, honesty, and a history together that make us think of them as more than a friend.

They are the center of the circle of our lives and they are a precious part of so many yesterdays. With our girlfriends we don’t have to be fancy or talk in a special way. We don’t have to mind my manners or wear my best clothes and shoes. We don’t have to count calories or act like we are someone we aren’t. With our girlfriends we can cry or laugh out loud.

We can dance in the moonlight together. We can speak our mind or say nothing at all depending on our mood. We don’t have to try hard to impress them or think of important things to say. With our girlfriends everything is important. We can just be ourselves and we really appreciate that. Don’t we? 

 Girlfriends understand each other completely we will wear pretty dresses with flowers in our hair and hum songs to the beat of children’s laughter. We will say nothing at times and that silence will be our greatest solace. Other times we will talk for hours or until the sun sinks into night. We will remember then the days when life was defined by complexity and when we vowed our friendship would last a lifetime. Regardless if you are friends by chance or by heart don’t forget to dance in the moonlight!

The Song In Dreams By Roy Orbison

Posted in Dreams, Life, Love, relationships, Songs, Women by

 A dream is an especially difficult thing to describe and dreams aren’t concrete until they come to pass.

 Before then they are like clouds and when both of us look at a cloud you may see one thing while I see another. And the picture you see in one moment may quickly change when the first wind comes along.

 As time goes by-a day, a week, or a year-you may not even remember what you saw. That’s why they say one way to make you dream more concrete is to write it down the second it comes to you because it can flee as fast as it comes. When it comes to giving voice and life to their dreams most people need some help.

Roy Orbison is an American singer-songwriter and he is well-known for his distinctive, powerful voice, complex compositions, and dark emotional ballads.

The Words To Roy Orbison’s song “In Dreams” for the ones we love and are gone.

In Dreams a candy colored clown they call the Sandman. Tiptoes to my room every night just to sprinkle star-dust and to whisper: ” Go to sleep, everything is alright” I close my eyes then I drift away into the magic night. I softly say oh, smile and pray Like dreamers do. Then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you, in dreams…I walk with you. In dreams…I talk to you.

In dreams your mine all the time we’re together In dreams… In dreams. But just before the dawn I awake and find you gone. I can’t help it …I can’t help it. If I cry. I remember that you said goodbye to end all these things and I’ll be happy in my dreams. Only in dreams in beautiful dreams I love to dream especially when I have a beautiful dream about someone I love. Don’t you?

Use Your Imagination

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Life, Moms, relationships by

Hold your breath and make a wish then Count to three! Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination.

 Take a look and you’ll see into your imagination. We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation. What we’ll see will defy explanation.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it do you wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there you’ll be free if you truly wish to be. If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it and there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination living there.

You’ll be free if you truly wish to be now hold your breath, make a wish, and count to three.” Doesn’t that describe how we feel in many situations in life? For some of us it can be when our son or daughters call us and ask, Mom are you sitting down? I have something to tell you and we wait with bated breath in a state of suspenseful anticipation, as they say “We are going to have a baby”.

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination and take a look and see into your imagination.” As I read these words it reminds of the first two years of life and it’s a season when a child’s imagination is pure. When we find out that a family is expecting a baby right away imaginations are sparked and we think to ourselves what color are the baby’s eyes?  Will they be the color of his or her mother, father, aunt, uncle or maybe a grandparent or a great-grandmother that we loved so much.  

Then we wonder what gender is the baby a girl or a boy. Our imaginations travel through the past, present, and future in our imaginations with all kinds of questions about a baby while it’s being created. Don’t we?

We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation and what we’ll see will defy explanation.” Birth through the toddler years seem to defy explanation one, two, three and we are spinning, traveling together into the world of creation again.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it is there anything you want to do, do it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it.” My mom use to say. “It’s not the destination but the journey that counts.” Aren’t we lucky that we have opportunities to spark children’s and grandchildren’s imaginations and that they spark our imaginations too?

A Superstitious Bride…

Posted in Brides, Life, Love, Romace, Spiritual, traditions, Women by

Being superstitions: Is the belief that an object or an action will have influence on one’s life.  Many brides believe that she can ensure good luck in her marriage by wearing something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.

  As we were preparing for my wedding my girlfriends and I read many books and bride      magazines.

 The one recurring theme was that wearing something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue would ensure good luck in a marriage. After reading that we decided that the only way to break the “Gary” curse and to ensure good luck in my marriage was to wear a lot of the color blue. The reasoning behind this was because a number of women in my family and life had either fallen in love or married men named Gary and they didn’t have good luck.

 The something borrowed was my grandmothers engagement ring. (My dad’s mother). Which I returned to her a few months later. We picked her ring because I loved her my grandparents and they were married longer than anyone we knew. They ended up being happily married for over sixty years The something new was a blue and white lace garter given to me by my friend Gale. It was new and blue so we figured that would count for double luck.                     

 To ensure good luck for sure “ The something blue” was going to have to be my wedding dress. Our guests where surprised that I didn’t wear a traditional white wedding dress. We didn’t care about what people thought because after all a bride needs all the good luck she can get doesn’t she?  That was forty years ago and I still get comments about a young bride who dared to wear a blue wedding dress.

Kids Say The Darndest Things…

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Humor, Life, Moms, Women by

Kids Playing“Kids Say the Darndest Things” was a segment on a television show called House Party.  Art  Linkletter was the host on CBS radio and television for many years and his interviews were never scripted, the kids said what they really thought. It could have been called “Straight Talk.”  One thing we can count on is that children are still saying the darndest things and they never stop surprising us. Do they? Sometime you just have to wonder how do they come up with some of the questions they ask us grandparents. Don’t we?  Like for instance a few years ago a friend was telling me about a conversation she had the night before with her four-year old grandson while they where watching Cat In The Hat together.

He looked into her eyes and said, Nana you have lines on your face. Then she said, I’m an old person with old skin. You’re a little person, and you have young skin. She figured that was the end of the conversation but then to her surprise he said, Nana when are you going to get them fixed?  My other Nana is old, and she doesn’t have lines on her face.  Wow! He sure is lucky that his Nana has a good sense of humor. Isn’t he?  As she was sharing her experience with me, we laughed at how unexpected his response was. Then I couldn’t help but wonder. How would have Art Linkletter or Billy Crosby reacted if they had that same conversation with a four-year old boy? I can only image the audience laughing because he is such an adorable little boy and enjoys making everyone he meets laugh. This goes to show that grandparents need to remember kids say the darndest things and to keep a good sense of humor.

Mrs. Doubtfire Are We Still A Family?

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships, Women by

In the movie Mrs.Doubtfire a little girl named Katie Mc Komcick writes a letter to Mrs.Doubtfire asking this question: If my parents are separated are we still a family? 

 Uunfortunately this is a question that many children are asking their parents and grandparents in today’s society and Mrs. Doubtfire’s response it worth taking to heart. 

The plot of the movie is about Miranda played by Sally Field who is an interior designer and decides to divorce her husband Daniel because he is irresponsible. Being a working mother of three children she decides to hire a housekeeper and after interviewing many candidates she hires Mrs. Doubtfire who turns out to be her ex husband Daniel played by Robin Williams.

The reason that Daniel decided to create the persona that he was a lovely Scottish sixty year old woman who was seeking a position as a housekeeper was so that he could spend time with his children after to courts said that he could only see  them on  Saturdays. As time goes on Mrs. Doubtfire wins the hearts of Miranda and their children then Mirada discovers that Mrs. Doubtfire is her ex husband and agrees to allow him to see their children as much as he wants.

Mean while Daniels luck changes when he appears as Mrs. Doubtfire in a children’s television program called “Euphegenia House” and it becomes the top rated television show in that time slot.

One day while Mrs. Doubtfire is relaxing in an oversized wingback chair and she receives a letter written by a little girl named Katie and in the letter she asks Mrs. Doubtfire this question: Are we still a family?

Dear Mrs. Doubtfire,

Two months ago my mom and dad decided to separate and not live in the same  house . My brother Andrew said we are not to be a family anymore. Is this true?  Am I to lose my family?  Is there anything I can do to bring them back together?  Mrs. Doubtfire’s response is wonderful and one we should all take to heart.

Dear Katie Mc Komcick,

Some parents when they are angry get along better when they don’t live together sometimes they don’t get back together and sometimes they do. But don’t blame yourself just because they don’t love each other anymore it doesn’t mean they don’t love you and there are many different kinds of families. 

What words of wisdom every child whose parents are separated or divorced needs to be told such kind words of wisdom and have a Mrs. Doubtfire type of women in their lives don’t they?

Isn’t it awesome that the Mrs. Doubtfire’s in our lives come in all kinds of shapes and sizes they may be your Grandmother, Aunt, Neighbor or a Teacher.

They are the ones that we hold close to our hearts because they unconditionally love us through thick and thin, they are our super hero‘s and we are super hero’s in their eyes too.

 They may not be a relative but they are like having an Aunt, Mother, Grandmother and a Best Friend all rolled up in one woman. They are truly amazing aren’t they? They’re down to earth, smart, funny and a little zany. 

They love us and our children unconditionally, they laugh and cry with us, they listen to our concerns about life and they tell us what they think instead of telling us what we want to hear. Some day you might be asked the question.  Are we still a family?  Although the answer may be no not a nuclear family make sure you reassure them that they still belong to a family and are loved. The relationship with your children is more important than the problems between the adults.