Category Archives: Life

Create A Happy Heart

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, family, Life, relationships by

Life is full of opportunities to create a happy heart. My mother use to say the most wasted of all days, is one with out laughter. She believed in positive thinking and that singing happy songs help to make for a happy heart.

 She loved to dance, sing and laugh. When I was a young girl my mother had a happy song, dance, a funny joke or saying for every situation in life. I don’t mean that as a metaphor I mean it literally.

When life dealt her lemons she was the kind of mother who would make lemonade out of the lemons. She was a half glass full kind of mother. One of my favorite examples of my mothers positive attitude and keeping a happy heart took place when I was thirteen and my best friend Vicky was celebrating her birthday at Disneyland.

The day the invitation arrived I was ecstatic. As far as I was concerned there was nothing better than the E ticket rides at Disneyland. I had lots of E tickets from  previous visits and I was full of expectations. The night before the big day all I did was talk, talk and talk about the rides. I don’t know how my mother kept her wits about her while she listened to my excessive talking. 

 One of the songs my mother and I use sing and listen to was called ” You Talk To Much”. I remember she was singing the words to the song under her breath. I’m sure she was hoping that I would get a clue and stop talking but you know how thirteen year old girls are.

Finally when the big day arrived I woke up and my neck hurting when I told my mother she did everything she could to try to help stop the pain but nothing worked. I was broken-hearted when my mother told me to call my Vicky and let her know that I wouldn’t be able to go.

I hung up the phone and I realized that I was not going to be able to celebrate Vicky’s birthday. I wondered how was I ever going to get over being disappointed?  The girls and I had mapped out and made a list of rides we were going to on and we saved our allowances so we could buy a present for Vick’s birthday.

 I started crying and my mother tried to console me. She said maybe, if your neck starts feeling better she could drive you to meet up with Vicky and the girls later in the day. I said, sure mom that would be ok. When I finished my melt down I noticed that my mom had left the room and I became curious and went to find out what she was doing.

When I found her she had taken off her night-gown and had put on a funny dress, hat and fun music on her old RCA record player.  At first when I saw her I thought to myself, how dare her be so happy when I was so sad. Then after listening to a few of her happy songs I started to sing and dance along with her. The next thing I knew. I wasn’t sad any more. The pain in my neck was gone but it was still stiff.

I’m glade that my mother applied a positive attitude to my situation and it did make for a merry heart. Life isn’t always about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

 

Let Go And Surrender

Posted in Dreams, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

Letting go is an emotional and spiritual surrender. It means willingly jumping out of the lifeboat of your preconceptions of reality and taking your chances out in the open sea of anything-can-happen.

It means that even as your definition of reality is dissolving before your very eyes, you willingly relinquish it, instinctively comprehending that the state of surrender itself will be a creative condition. It’s hard to let go, to live in a formless, destinationless place. All our lives we’re taught to hold on, to be the masters of our fate, the captains of our souls. Letting go isn’t comfortable; it can feel like anything from laziness to utter loss of control. It’s not aggressive and self-assured. It’s not the American way.

But letting go is, in truth, is a most elegant kind of daring. It is vulnerability of the highest order, an emptying out of self, of all the clutter, chatter, ideas, attitudes, schemes, and plans that, ordinarily, we all contain. In this emptiness, there is room for so much; in this vacancy, anything can happen: breathtaking transformations, changes of directions, miracles that will purely astound you, love that comes out of a spiritual conversion. But only if you are willing to truly let go of it all: as the tree dropping her bright leaves for winter, the trapeze artist, suspended in midair between two bars, the diver free-falling from the high dive, have all unequivocally, wholeheartedly let go.

Letting go is being alive to the power of anything is possible. It is living in surrender, trust, and the belief that emptiness is at once the perfect completion and the perfect beginning. So let go. And remember that if you hang on to even a shred or try to make a deal with Gods meaning of letting go you might not experience all the wonderful things that are ment happen to you.

To Realize The Value Of A Sister Or Brother

Posted in Babies, family, Family Values, Life, relationships by

To realize the value of a sister or brother ask someone who doesn’t have one.

To realize the value of ten years ask a newly divorced couple.

 To realize the value of four years ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year ask a student who has failed a final exam. To realize the value of nine months ask a mother who gave birth to a still-born. To realize the value of one month ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one minute ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize the value of one-second ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend or family member ask someone who has lost a friend or family member.

The Sweet Knowings Of Love

Posted in Brides, family, generational changes, Life, Love, Parenting, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

The journey of love is a journey of many sweet knowings. It is the sweet bliss, in first love, of discovering all your love’s little secrets, her favorite flower and fragrance, the color that sets off her eyes so; his plaid flannel shirts, the way he laces up his boots, his shaving brush, and that one wild hair in his eyebrow; the scent of her skin, the feel of her hair, the drawer she keeps her lingerie in.

It is later the being together and love becomes the sound of the key as he locks up the house, the sound of the rain in the shower each morning as she is singing and shampoos her hair. It is how she rolls over at night in bed, how he sleeps like a saint, with his hands folded over his chest; it is what he can fix; what she can mend. And it is the changing, this way and that way.

Sometimes there are unkind words spoken the anger and love in the mist; making love, holding hands. And the children, wanting, not being sure about wanting them; being scared, and so overjoyed and seeing them sleeping and carried at night in his arms; how he is so tender, how she is so easy, so strong with them.

It is watching the years go by they come and go and come and go and then they just seem to Go and Go. Autumn and spring and winter and summer. So slowly and endlessly beautifully folding, unfolding so quickly go. And how we have done every year, so many things and so few. Each day, and the meals and the work and the talk.

Each day a small town with a map and the trip they have taken in it. And the walks and the light and the changing of the light and how they have traveled. And how they have given the gifts. At Christmas, birthdays, wedding  anniversaries and just because. They want to remember all the words they have written on cards. The things they have said and the things they have whispered to each other. I love you, good night and I adore you. You are my one and only.

And how time has passed He has grown old and he has white in his hair and the fine thin lines of his life and sun are remaking his eyes. He notices that her eyes softer now but still blue and even after so many years and the fading he still loves her. He still loves the scent of her perfume after all these years. 

She still loves how he after all these years he still sleeps with his hands folded over his chest and the scent of his after shave lotion. They love remembering now and not forgetting why they love each other. He said for them it’s been like a long love song that tells the story of how they have melted, woven themselves, befriended, ensouled one another.

 Now that they are here at the end of their lives that they know one another so well, like the bird knows the air like the snowdrift knows the snow; and how he said long a go, until we know each other like the seasons; and now it is spring; and now it is summer now it is autumn now it is winter; and we know we know, that love is endless and we will know each other in eternity too.

Love Letters Speak Of Secret Wishes

Posted in Dreams, generational changes, Keepsakes, Letters, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

A love letter is a declaration that speaks of secret wishes, shared joy, or lasting A love letter is the most intimate correspondence a person can receive.

 With in its lines promises given, and fond memories recalled. Within its lines secret desires are made known through divine inspiration.

Written in elegant scrip on scented stationary or scrawled haphazardly on a scrap of paper, mailed from across the seas, hidden in a bouquet of roses, or tucked between the pages of an album, a love letter is to be cherished always. Love letters are precious reminders of heart-felt sentiments. They may bring encouragement and reassurance to the pining heart. It’s a reminder that says, “We’ll be together soon.” Or they may be simple reminders that say “I’m thinking about you. You make me smile.”

Whatever their purpose, love letters are received with joy and anticipation. Then saved in special places. Maybe in a dresser drawer, under mattress, ribbon-tied in a hope chest, or secreted away n a quiet corner. They are kept to be lovingly revisited for many years to comes. Over time, letters may become worn and tear-stained, but the meaning of their words remain as true as the day they were written.

Every day, thousands of people visit web sites seeking advice and suggestions about love and romance. Today I read that  hand written ” love letters” are still holding their place in the hearts of lovers. Men and women are happy to receive a love letter by Email. However receiving a love letter through the postal service still ranks number one, in the hearts of women everywhere. 

Clearing The Cobwebs

Posted in Life by

How do you let people know you are mad? Some gals holler, some are cupboard door slammers and others get very, very quiet.

Emotions are interesting things. We all have them, we are all affected by them, and we all try to hide them, at one time or another.

Those who cannot hide them well are subject to comments like “she wears her heart on her sleeve” or “it was written all over her face.” Twitching eye brows, clenched jaw, blushing checks, and pursed lips are telltale signs of our inner fluttering hearts, churning stomachs, indignant sensibilities, or raging hormones.

But emotions don’t like to stay hidden for long. In subtle, or not-so-subtle ways, we broadcast our feelings to the world. Our emotional vocabulary includes some pretty interesting phraseology. We talk about our stomach dropping out, our heart stopping, or blowing our stack. We are down in the dumps, hoping mad, in a tizzy, all choke up, in a funk, sick at heart, swamped, and at odds with ourselves.

And when it’s time for these emotions to come gushing out, they take many forms: temper tantrums, endless ranting, sleepless nights, mood swings, critical attitudes, blind rages, constant complaining, pity parties, and hissy fits. Unfortunately, the  popular clichés people say about us to describe how we react when we are mad contain words that are not very flattering are they?

The next time you lose control think about this statement: Only a fool vents all his or her feelings, but a wise man or woman holds them back. But that doesn’t mean we should bottle them all up. No, it means you need to release some of that inner turbulence carefully to someone you trust.

Do you have someone you trust, someone who will never tell what comes up during an angry spat, someone who can listen with understanding, someone you vent to?  Even though it comes most naturally to let off steam in the form of angry words or bitter complaints, laughter is a wonderful alternative! Remember the advertising slogan: Don’t get mad, get glade! Have you ever turned a frustrating event into a funny story? If you haven’t try it!

We can sigh about things, or we can laugh. Both these responses release pressure, but which one is the most fun? We laugh so we wouldn’t scream. Whatever is probably wouldn’t go away, so we might as well live and laugh through it. When we choose to release some of our frustrations with laughter, we allow others around us to relax and join in the chuckle. A woman or man who is willing to find the funny in their day is unmistakable more pleasant to be around than the one who is angry and venting about how their day went.

The truth is that every day has its share of stress. When you feel like an aerosol can because you are under too much pressure, find a listening ear to act as a safety valve. Throw a pity party for your friends so you can all get it out of your system at once. Drown your fears in compassion for each other and then rise up and give yourselves a great big hug. Encourage each other, pray and hang in there!

Choose To Think Happy Thoughts

Posted in Dreams, Life by

If you want to find happiness and add years to your life, think positive thoughts. When you choose positive thoughts over negative ones, you are more likely to develop an optimistic outlook on life.

  According to the results compiled by the “Happiness Researchers” positive people generally have higher levels of optimism and life satisfaction and live longer. In a BBC News report, Dr. Seligman, director of The Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania, was quoted as saying that he believed that “we have compelling evidence that optimists and pessimists will differ markedly in how long they live.”

Dr. Fredrickson, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill has counseled that changing your mindset can change your body chemistry. She has stated that positive feelings literally can open the heart and mind. And there’s more good news. Even if you aren’t normally a happy person, thinking happy thoughts is a skill that can be learned. Work on being open, being an optimist, choosing to think positive thoughts, and seeing the proverbial glass half full rather than half empty. The next time you are in the post office and someone cuts in front of you or says something rude, resist the urge to respond with anger, which can clamp down you blood vessels and increase your blood pressure.

Instead, return rudeness with kindness and respect. Keep, that positive vibe going through your intentions and actions in what ever you do. The more often you choose to be happy, the more your effort will be strengthened. so don’t fret; pray and be happy. You will live longer. 

The Care And Feeding Of Big Dreams

Posted in Dreams, Life by

If you have big dreams, you have already reaped big benefits, regardless of whether or not your dream materializes into reality.

I’ll bet you didn’t know that Albert Einstein once said:”imagination is more important than knowledge.” Dreaming stretches our imaginations and is a worthwhile endeavor for that reason alone. Using our imagination leads to knowledge and wisdom which makes for great dreams and goals. And if dreams are good , dreams that come true are even better. For the best chance of seeing some of your dreams come true, consider these suggestions:

  • Divide and conquer. The movie What about Bob starring Bill Murray is about Bills zany character Bob who  becomes the overzealous fan of a psychologist who writes a book encouraging “baby steps” toward mental health. Of course, the goal of the movie was to make viewers laugh, not provide a commentary on achieving our dreams. It accomplished both because Bob wrote a best seller book and found true love. His dreams came true because he did everything in moderation or as he called it “Baby Steps.” Dividing a big dream into a series of baby steps can take something that once seemed unattainable and put it very much in our reach. Writing a 200-page book, for example, may seem formidable. Writing a single page, however, is well within our reach. Repeat that same baby step five days a week for one year and your book is done. Think about some of your goals. Can you break a major goal into a series of tiny ones? If so, you’re halfway there.
  • Redefine failure and success. Sandra Glahn writes about a ten-year struggle with infertility n her book. When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden. ( Broadman and Holman, 1997). Eventually Sandra and her husband conceived and gave birth to daughter Alexandra. But by then , Sandra had learned how to look at “success and failure” in a whole new light. She writes: “God defines success not in terms of what we allow. He defines it in terms of the transformation we allow His word to make in our lives. I am a success if I can get through my experience with a greater love for God and my spouse that when I started. I am a success on some days if in spite of my lack of ‘success’ I manage to drag myself out of bed, get dressed, and find reasons to be thankful for one more day.” Don’t limit yourself by viewing success and failure as single, narrow path. Ask God to show you his perspective when it comes to your dreams and goals.
  • Embrace risk. Yes, yes, I know what I just wrote about baby steps. But now and then, making a dream come true means taking a gigantic leap. If a rare opportunity presents itself weigh the cost, then consider going for it. Of course pray and pray some more about all the risks involved and seek wise counsel. Notice I said, “weigh the cost,” not  “weigh the odds.” Even if the odds are against you, if the cost in dollars, time, or emotional and physical energy is one you are willing to pay, then don’t let the slim odds deter you. That’s why it’s called “risk.”
  • Admit who you are. “Stop thinking of yourself as a wanna-be. Begin today telling yourself and others who you are.” When I was in high school my friend Elizabeth wrote many articles and a poems for a magazine for Girl Scouts. Elizabeth still has the first five dollar bill she received framed in a glass shadow box hanging on the wall behind her desk in her office. For many years Elizabeth thought of herself as a wanna-be writer and would not submit her articles and short stories for publication.Then one day she suddenly started thinking of herself as a bona fide writer, it became easier to do the things real writers do, like be consistent in sending queries and honing her skills. Elizabeth is a published writer as a result of her changing how she saw herself.
  • Mingle with cheerleaders. The truth is, some people bring doom and gloom wherever they go. They are “killjoy’s.” Their negative attitudes could depress a roomful of monkeys on a caffeine high. I’d wager even Norman Vincent Peale would have a hard time harnessing the power of positive thinking in their presence. When my friend Elizabeth began writing short stories for magazines she made the mistake of showing her first story to a friend who spent twenty minutes giving unsolicited advice. Elizabeth is not particularly thin-skinned about her work, but the comments were about her work. They were quite personal in nature. Elizabeth didn’t think her friend was trying to be harsh but her friend wasn’t being careful, and Elizabeth came away from the encounter crushed. It took her six weeks to brush herself off and begin writing again. In order to survive and thrive, our dreams need TLC. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with constructive criticism, but make a habit of surrounding yourself with friends who are, by nature, encourager’s rather than pessimist.
  • Bond with a mentor. Do you know someone who has traveled a little father down the road you are pursuing? If you do, there’s a chance she would enjoy sharing with you her secrets of success. Be sensitive, however: If you sense that she is evasive, or might be feeling threatened by your pending success, then find another mentor. Look for someone who has experienced the dream you would like to claim for your own, someone who talks freely about her own journey and is willing to help you on yours. Inspire yourself with “can-do” stories and people. Don’t you just love stories where someone beats the odds to make a dream come true? These kinds of Rocky Balboa stories are everywhere we find them in biographies, autobiographies, movies, on-line news stories, and very likely among your own friends. If you are trying to pursue a dream or if your dreams have died and you wish you could rekindle the old sparks again. Build up your heart and soul by watching and reading”can do” stories that celebrate the strength inherent in the human spirit.
  • Give yourself a mental picture to follow. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So give yourself a picture of what your dream might look like in real life. Start a scrapbook and begin filling it with images that say something to about your dream. Want to run the Boston Marathon? Look for images of runners and other athletes, well as articles about people who have achieved impressive athletic fets. You will, quite literally, be providing your mind with a blueprint you can follow as you continue working toward your goal. 

Once again, here are the steps: Divide and conquer. Redefine failure and success. Embrace risk. Admit who you are. Mingle with cheerleaders. Bond with a mentor. Inspire yourself with “can do” stories. Give yourself a mental picture to follow.

The unfortunate fact is that, despite our best efforts, our dreams don’t always come true. Indeed, we can experience great pain when a beloved dream crashes and burns.  And yet, even as we sift through the ashes of one dream, we often find the stirrings of hope for another. That’s the beauty of the human spirit. In fact, the capacity to dream can be a key indicator of mental and emotional health. After all, a dream is little more than a kind of passionate hope, and without hope, we die. It’s as simple as that. Take stock of your dreams. If necessary, look back through the years and resurrect some of the dreams from your childhood. Nature your dreams, and they will nurture you in return. 

Writing Is A Process Like Aging

Posted in generational changes, Life, relationships, Women by

If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening. When I was in my twenties I belonged to a writers group. We would meet every other Wednesday and share our short stories, plays, mysteries and memoirs. Needless to say we did a lot of talking and listening. As with any group of women, our conversations ranged from what our children were doing to what was going on in the White House.

Every word spoken was important to us. One day, the conversation centered on their litany of complaints over getting older. One woman described her hot flashes in great detail and told us how in the middle of night she got out of bed and took a cold shower to calm her night sweats.

 I was a new mother and all I could think about was how many dirty diapers I had changed and was suffering from all those sleepless nights. Needless to say, I remained silent, while sipping a cup of tea as the rest of the women shared their complaints about aging. I started to wonder if I was in a writers group or having lunch with my mother and her girlfriends.

Finally the group returned to the business at hand which was to decide if we should start to critique each others writings. A few of us decided that it would be helpful to have someone critique our latest writings. After that there were frequent red marks all over our pages. To make the process easier to take, we started each critique with what was good about the piece. Then with the writer basking in the glow of hearing how skillful her writing was, the not so positive stuff could be discussed. Many of the women went on to become succesful published authors.

 The good stuff doesn’t just apply to critiquing writers it also applies to aging. Now many years later most of my friends are helping take care of their parents. They are dealing with problems about aging, fading memories, fatal illnesses, scams to cheat the trusting. At times they become overwhelmed. 

It’s time to start thinking about what we gain from getting older, not what we lose. When we start to appreciate all the good stuff that we have and can do, we become happier people. Like a new sense of time. Like times when we were perusing an education or a career or raising our kids, we always looked ahead to each new stage.

 It may have been when our babies would crawl, talk, walk, feed themselves, get out of diapers, get into school. Maybe it was when you finished collage and received your collage degree or when you were in pursuit of fulfilling your career goals.

 All of those situations require looking ahead to the good stuff. Getting older doesn’t have to mean that you can’t look forward to having good stuff in your life. It means you have to think out of the box and move out of a few comfort zones. You can do it!

Now we know how fast the chipmunk-cheeked face of the nursing baby sharpens into the schoolgirls’ studious look. Don’t we? And we realize that, with each change, how special our time is and how fast it all disappears, too. Writing, like life, is not a goal but a process. And, as in life, it is easy to give up.

 The excuses are legion. It’s too difficult to write; the storyline isn’t working; I don’t know where it’s taking me. But if we don’t trust the possibility that it will all work out, we’ll never get it written. And if those who read our work don’t look for possibilities, their doubts can discourage us from finishing it. So, we look for the possibilities of each idea, each piece of work.

Growing older in our society isn’t easy. The emphasis on staying young no matter what it takes or costs is strong. It’s sometimes hard to find the up side of getting old. But as mature women we have endless possibilities, from the sublime to the silly: never wearing panty hose again; wearing big, dangling rhinestone earings with jeans; eating dessert first or eating dessert only; going back to graduate school for the sheer joy of learning; taking up glass blowing or skydiving.

We can do what we want. It’s all possible. The process of writing is like aging they are both full of possibilities. The longer we live, the more we know about hurts and sadness in our own lives and in the world. But we know more too, with a recounting of what went right in our lives. As we have aged we have learned that each time we leave those we care about, we can leave them a positive word, a gift of good stuff, until we see them again. Life and writing are full of possibilities aren’t they?

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Posted in Chidren, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Parenting, relationships, Songs, traditions by

Do You Hear What I Hear? has always been one of my favorite Christmas Carols. I love the soft, gentle notes as they draw out the words:” Do you hear what I hear?” I melt as the violins respond: “A song, a song high above the trees with a voice as big as the sea.” I love this Carol because it is about listening, hearing the sounds of night. The words challenge the heart to hear and know truth. The theme calls us to recognize that moment when truth manifests itself before us. My friend Jane and her husband Bob told me a story about listening. I’m so inspired by it that I want to share it with you. 

Jane was happy to share with me about the wisdom she gleaned from a man who mentored his children in a quiet time each day. His example stressed the importance of sitting quietly, listening to what he called the song of the heart. How many of us listen? How many of us teach our children and grandchildren to stop and listen?

A few years ago Jane and Bob initiated a rest time with their grandchildren. Each year, they go spend time in the summer with them. Following the hectic morning activities, they usually set aside a time in the afternoon to rest. They call it their quiet time, Bob told me that he wished he could have told me that they started having quite time for noble reasons, but he confessed it was out necessity. He started doing it when he found himself tired and needing to regain some strength, he did it for himself. Now it has become a tradition.

Jane and Bob’s story, includes a message for us to take to heart. During an extended visit, she decided to try a quiet time with her grandchildren. After she picked them up at school, she parked the car underneath an oak tree, rolled the window down, and told them, “Now we are going to so something really fun. We are going to have quiet time and listen.”

Expectantly their faces lighted up in anticipation. She explained the plan, and wouldn’t you know it, as soon as she stopped talking, a train went by. They listened. They clearly heard the whistle, the wheels as they clattered on the track, the sounds of the cars clanging together. The children were amazed and excited. When quiet time was over, they had much to talk about.

The next day they tried it again. This time they heard a bird signing and leaves rustling as the wind blew through the trees. About two days later, Jennifer, age four, awoke, Jennifer explained, “I miss my mommy.” Jane asked her what could be done.  “I need a quiet time for a few minutes,” Jennifer replied, “so I can miss her.”

Jane left the room. A few minutes later, Jennifer came down the hall. “I’m done,” she said. Something happened in those few minutes. In the way of a child, Jennifer listened to the song of her heart and was comforted. Perhaps she thought of her mom and her favorite memory. Maybe she cried and sucked her thumb or sang her favorite song. We don’t what transpired in those precious moments, but we like to think that she heard a still, small whisper from a loving God who said, “It is OK. I am here.”

Jane and I enjoy connecting a quiet time to a time of listening to the song of our hearts. We like the results that happen when we encourage our grandchildren to stop and listen, to regather and recenter when they have a need. We are looking forward to adopting and expanding on ways to spend quiet time with them in the future. Jane has four grandchildren and I have two and one on the way. That’s seven children that we can be quiet and listen with. Do you hear what I hear?

Call Her Sweetheart

Posted in family, Life, Love, Parenting, relationships, Romace by

Your loves name is more than a word. When you say his or her name aloud or in your head, it evokes everything, all your memories, all the time you’ve spent together, all the trips you’ve made, the children you’ve had, and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Some people only say their partner’s name when they’re angry, they want something, or they’re yelling or complaining.

The  name loses its valuable identity and becomes associated with negative feelings. So make sure you use your loves name with tenderness, caring and emotion as often as you can. Each time you say it that way, you’ll be filled with love. Dear… Honey…Snookums…Baby…Lover…Kid… Sweetheart… They show you care, especially when your love saves them just for you. But they’re not the same as saying someone’s name. Give what you say, meaning; speak and act with care when you call their name out.

Some parents call each other Mom and Dad, imitating their children. This may sound cute, but it removes your individuality and replaces it with a role. So it’s better to reserve those titles for your children’s use. Sweetheart it’s best to use an enduring name for each other.

Ready Set Grow

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Mentoring by

Every grandparent enjoys a unique position in their grandchildren‘s lives. You don’t have to strive to be special. You’re special by definition. You can come into your own as a grandparent, if you put your own distinctive stamp on your role by being inimitably who you are. If you do, you’ll find you have a devoted fan in your grandchildren. Start sharing an activity that you enjoy (gardening) or a hobby  (bird watching) or you may have a particular skill (perhaps drawing, knotting, needlework, or playing tennis), which you can share with your grandchildren. This can provide an opportunity for them to go with you into a world all of your own, one that only you can introduce them to.

The great thing is that you will have boundless enthusiasm for the activity. That’s infectious, and your enthusiasm will rub off on to your grandchildren.You will communicate that energy to your grandchildren so that it becomes a thrilling journey you take together, with you as benevolent teacher and your grandchildren as willing students.

If you enjoy activities together when your grandchildren are very young, they’ll grow up thinking of you as an exciting companion, someone special who shares special pleasures with them. Children are very sensitive to this act of joyful discovery and, as soon as they’re able, they start to bring little gifts of that same kind to you.

 You form your own virtuous circle, where you respect what each can teach the other, and it will probably last for life. In my experiences I’m constantly surprised and delighted by the way my grandchildren push my interests further than I could have taken them on my own. Right now it’s The Cat In The Hat… Go Go Go on an adventure with my grandson’s Jeremy and Jesse!

And of course you open up your grandchildren’s world in a way that’s special to you. It can be anything, from finding out about insects to stamp collecting or jewelry making. The possibilities are endless. Aren’t they?

Encourage your grandchildren in all sorts of different activities. It’ the doing it together that counts.Grandchildren enjoy putting a plant seed in a used yogurt container, or a small plastic tray is fine for planting seeds together. You can teach your grandchildren what plants need to grow.

They can help you water them and you can show them where the perfect place is for the seeds to get the right amount of sun, soil, and you can track the seeds’ growth at each visit. Choose seeds that grow quickly and dramatically, like purple flowering morning glory’s.

 Even better collect the seeds from seed heads in your garden and plant them. Then your grandchildren can get the idea of the circle of life in a very simple way. When the seeds turn into flowers you can let the flowers dry out and use a flower press and turn them into a dry flower collage for the whole family to admire.

 Grandchildren also enjoy looking at things under a microscope. Dead insects and spiders that they find are a particular favorite. But so are plants.The underside of the leaf of a fern with all the rows of seeds is very exciting when seen in up close. Even newsprint looks thrilling through a microscope. The things grandparents do out of love! There is no one else except my grandson’s that could get me to look at dead insects much less spiders under a microscope. Oh! That’s just gross isn’t it?

It’s Time To Celebrate Out Of The Box

Posted in Babies, Chidren, Dreams, Life, Moms, Parenting, traditions by

What is more appropriate than birth for our beginning? A new child in the world offers a rich opportunity to honor the baby, the parents, the space where they will live, the already-existing siblings, the grandparents and extended family and friends.

 The actual birth process itself as well as preparation for it already creates special moments. As we grow to understand our role in adding more meaning  to our lives, this birth time is opportunity knocking with a loud beat. I can’t tell you how many unusual ways my girl friends and I created something out of the ordinary into a unordinary way to celebrate an impending childbirth celebration. We wanted to do something for each other, but not necessarily a traditional shower.

The gals and I grew up together, we married within weeks of each other and our  babies were born with in weeks of each other. As time went by they had two or three children with in weeks of each other. Then there was me the odd duck out I didn’t have my second baby until seven years later. Hey! It’s better late than never. Right!

This story is a bit unusual, as it talks about preparing the place where the baby will live. The gals and I designed the event, and this is what we did for our friends Linda and Dave. 

My friends Dave and Linda’s first baby was due near the holidays. I wanted to do something for them, but not necessarily a traditional shower. The birth time was getting close and we needed to move into action if anything was going to be done. I called Linda, saying that I wanted to offer to plan something for her and Dave. I asked her what would she like? Very quickly she said, she was dreaming of a time with close friends to prepare the living space for the baby.

She went on to explain to me that she didn’t mean a physical sense of painting and remodeling, but of welcoming the child into the world even before she arrived. I was thrilled with this idea and excited to be part of making it happen.

Linda and I started putting it together. Linda was very clear about who she and Dave wanted to attend–those folks who would understand and support the idea of a pre-birth housewarming. I called the guest on the phone, as it was short notice. This was before email and texting. It was in the 1970’s. The parents wanted the gathering place to take place in the location where the baby would be living.

The intention was to prepare a community nest for the baby. The nest would be made of stories, poetry, wisdom, favorite children’s books, lullabies and handmade items. The offering of the event would come from the heart of each guest. We trusted that each person knew what this new being needed to smooth the transition into the world, help her be comfortable and accepted before her actual arrival.

When the evening arrived, we gathered men and women in a circle n the living room of the home where the child would be living. A candle was lit in honor of the baby. We passed around a rattle to use as a talking piece.

A friend acted as host/facilitator. The offerings included prayers, live music presentations, the start of the child’s own library, special Christmas ornaments, wisdom for parenting, and stories from childhood. Best of all there was the overwhelming sense of how wanted and special this child was, even before she entered the world. Blessings  on this living home and caring parents were offered. Afterwards we ate, laughed and celebrated new life.

The actual birth came a few days later and turned out to be a little difficult for Linda, one of the things that helped her stay focused was remembering the support of those who had assisted in preparing the home for her child.

Because Linda had a clear vision, I was able to help make it happen. In this situation, I was less the creator and more an enabler. I didn’t need to agonized on what to do, as Linda knew what she wanted and I could act as the helper.

Linda designed her own evening. This celebration honored the parents and welcomed their first child into our lives. The circle of friends were ready to receive Linda and Dave’s new baby. As a thank you gift Linda and Dave gave each of us a photo frame with our names engraved randomly around the frame with a picture of their beautiful new baby girl. 

Celebrating beginnings helps us connect with family and friends in wonderful new ways. Even small beginnings, transitions can be explored and filled with wonder. The idea is not to have a “celebration in a box” solution, but spur your creative imagination. You’ll find inspiration to design an event unique to you will give meaning and love to all that participate. Celebrating out of the box is a way to connect with heart and meaning.

Fight The Good Fight

Posted in family, Life, Love, relationships, Romace by

No relationship is without conflict and differences of opinions, preference, and even direction and a relationship is only as good as the conflict it can contain.

 This means that a relationship has vitality only to the degree that it can endure the stresses of each difference and resolve them through healthy conflict, so that the relationship and the individuals in it can move toward greater authenticity.

Then notion of the totally tranquil, we-never-fight relationship as the paragon of love is a dangerous fallacy. All too often the persons in such a situation are scared to death of testing the resilience of their relationship by airing their real differences, or have so suppressed their individual selves that their differences seem invisible.

Many couples are scared of conflict because they don’t know how to fight. They are afraid their own anger will run away with them, that they’ll lose control and become vicious, vituperative, or even physically destructive. They maybe afraid of the other person’s anger. They wonder will he or she yell, throw things, slam the door, or maybe walk out?

These behaviors can sometimes occur and can even be a real danger, especially for people who have been abused with anger themselves. But even they can learn to express anger in a constructive way.The sign of a good fight is that it makes you both feel you have discovered something, that you know one another better.

Even if you fight again and again about the same issues (and most people do), a good fight gives you hope about the future because you have gained a measure of insight about something that previously baffled or frustrated you. Here’s some help:

1. Try to see what you’re upset about. This is usually something very specific:”That he or she didn’t call you” not “Because life is miserable.”

2. State your feelings and why you feel that way: “I’m upset that you didn’t call because it makes me feel unloved.”

3. Say what you need in recompense: ” I need you to apologize.”

4. After your mate has given the apology, ask yourself and him or her if you feel totally resolved.

5. Kiss and make up.

For example: “I’m upset with you for yelling at me about burning the tea kettle. You embarrassed me in front of Jane. It made me feel belittled to have to have her hear you talk to me like that. I need you to apologize.” I’m sorry, honey. I was in such a rush this morning and was anxious about that big meeting. I was out of line. I don’t want to make you feel that way. Please forgive me.”  

 

This kind of fight could win the  “Academy Awards for the Most Civilized Fight”. There are many people who agree to disagree about an offense and make it a point to resolve it in a timely manner.

They never go to bed upset with each other. Yes! They do deserve an award for being the kind of people that we all should aspire to be like. Don’t they?

You can learn to be gracious when someone offends you. To start with try to remember.

1. A good fight isn’t a free for all. Don’t say everything you feel like saying even though you may have a legitimate gripe. Remember that words can wound, and after the fight you don’t want a battered mate.

2. Be specific with your complaints. Don’t throw in all your grievances since time began.

3. Let the other person’s words sink in before you take up your cudgel. Remember, you’re having this fight to learn something, to arrive at some new insight as well as an immediate resolution.

4. Go easy on yourself and your honey when you don’t do it perfectly.

Make Every Day You’re In Love Memorable

Posted in family, Life, Love, relationships, Romace by

When you’re in love, every day should be considered, memorable. Every good-morning kiss, every hug, every caress, every cuddle. As the years of your couplehood fly by, you accumulate a house full of furniture, an attic full of old clothes, a heart full of children, a garage full of treasured junk, and one mind, shared by two people full of golden memories. You’re not conscious of making memories. A walk down the aisle, a period of tropical bliss, a toddler’s first steps, and a family vacation may stand out, but the majority of your precious minutes together on earth are not so easily held onto.

 Can you possibly remember every shared moment? Of course not. But while so many thousands of events can’t possibly  stick out in your mind, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t act like they will. Even if you can’t remember every time you do something together, by putting more of yourself into each and every shared moment, they’ll mean so much more to you when they’re occurring.

 For instance don’t just kiss perfunctorily. Put more energy in your hugs. Look your partner in the eyes, and it when you say “I love you.” At the end of the day, your memory banks may not be any fuller, but your love will be a lot richer.