Category Archives: Family Values

A Glimpse Into A Little Girls Dream

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, Family Values, Grandparenting, Moms, Parenting by

Sweet Dreams TonightThis captures the small bedtime rituals a little girl as she is settling down for the night, and offers glimpse into a dream time world as the she drifts gently into sleep.  Come along with her and snuggle down, close your eyes , and imagine yourself drifting gently away with her on this sleepy, dreamtime journey as she says  “Night-night” to the world.

Before she goes to sleep at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house they read her favorite “Veggie Tales Stories” to her and they laugh and laugh and laugh and then they give  her lots and lots of  hugs and kisses to their  precious grand-daughter and say, Night-night. She can hardly stop giggling to give them hugs and kisses. Night- night Grandma. Night-night Grandpa she finally says as she stops giggling.

When her mother puts her to bed she reads to her lots and lot of her bedtime stories and at the end she hugs and gives her a goodnight kiss and always says, Night- night. She hugs and kisses her mother back and says, Night-night mommy. When her daddy puts her to bed he reads her a story called “The Little Red Sailboat ” and when the story comes to the end  he hugs and gives her a goodnight  kiss and tells her Night-night.  Night-night, Daddy she replies.

 After they leave the room and tune out the light, she starts to wonder where Big Dog is? There he is. Night-night, Big Dog. Before she goes go to sleep, he kisses Big Dog and Mr. Teddy bear good night. Night-night Big Dog and  Mr. Teddy Bear. Then she asks Miss Kitty if she is sleepy yet and Miss  Kitty is never sleepy . She wonders where does Miss Kitty go at night? Before she goes to sleep she’ll snuggle down and close her eyes and sail away in her little red sailboat over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Night -night again Grandma and Grandpa and then across the pond to say, Night-night, ducks. Night –night sky.

Night -night, Mr. Moon. Night-night,  Sparkly Stars. Night-night, Big World.  Night-night Big dog and Mr. Teddy Bear, are you sleepy yet? She is almost home, now. Night-night, Me. Night-night, You. Night-night Everyone. I don’t know about you but  for a few moments it was sure fun pretending to be sailing with her in The Red Sail Boat.

“Do Activities With Your Sweetheart”

Posted in Family Values, Love, Marriage, relationships, Romace by

Dinner For TwoCouples who do things together are couples who have good relationships. If they’re schussing down the slopes or batting tennis balls across a net or scouring the countryside for antiques or cooking up a storm in the kitchen or spending a leisurely day at home together or building a house for Habitat for Humanity or singing in a choir or running a business together. . .  then you can be almost certain that their love is strong.

It’s not that you must spend every minute of your lives in each other’s company to have a good relationship. Every individual needs some space, but the more you bathe in each other’s aura, the stronger the ties that bind will be.

Just because you’re drawing breath in the same room doesn’t mean that you’re together. Passive time, like sleeping in the same bed, watching the same glowing TV all night, reading different  sections of the same newspaper, or taking on the phone to other people, doesn’t build a relationship. To brew a strong relationship, you must mix both the quantity and the quality of the time you  spend together.

When choosing activities to do together you are planning for the long haul. There will come a time when your children have left the nest and you’ll want to be able to fill the time with activities you both enjoy.

“Wedding Bliss In A Shoe Box”

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, Family Values, Life, Love, Marriage, relationships, Weddings by

 Wedding Bliss                                                                                       

Stella and Johnny spent their fiftieth wedding anniversary reminiscing about how amazing their wedding was. Stella said, it seemed like each flower bloomed on que and represented their love for each other, the candles were bright and dancing, the wedding party didn’t miss a step as the wedding march played. 

It was a grand wedding and after the I do’s and good byes Stella’s, elderly grandmother Sadie, stopped Stella and reminded her of the two promises that Stella, had made to her when she announced her wedding plans.  Stella,reassured Sadie,that she was looking forward to fulfilling her grandmothers requests. 

The first request was that Stella and Johnny would spend their honeymoon in Niagara Falls, New York because it was family tradition. The second request was that Stella would always keep mad money in the shoe box on the shelf in her closet and that Johnny would never snoop in it. Sadie, gave her a decorated wedding shoe box that she called, her “wedding bliss box” and promised her grand-daughter that it would work.

After Johnny carried Stella across the threshold of their first home, she placed a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked him never to touch it. For fifty years Johnny left the box alone. But one day, while he was searching for the deed to their house, he spotted the box. Caving in to temptations, he opened it. To his surprise, he found two doilies and $75,000 in cash. He put the box back in the closet. Puzzled about what he had found, he confessed to Stella that he had opened the box and begged her to explain the contents. 

“Grandma Sadie”, gave me her shoe box just as I was getting ready to walk down the aisle, to say my wedding vows,” Stella explained. “She told me to make a doily for every time I became mad at you and we would enjoy a long and happy marriage” Johnny was genuinely touched that in a half century, his wife had been mad at him only twice. ” So where did the $75.000 come from?” he asked.”Oh, replied Stella’s, “that’s the money I made from selling the rest of the doilies.”  Stella, smiled and under her breath thanked her grandmother for the best advice a bride could receive.

“Two Special Women In One Man’s Life”

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, Life, Love, Mentoring, Moms, Mother-In-Laws, Parenting, Planning A Wedding, Psychology, relationships, Romace, traditions, Weddings, Women by

Since the beginning of time loving brides and grooms have had the privilege of picking out their life partners. However, it’s a different story for the groom’s mother when she becomes partners fused together with her daughter in law after the “I Do’s.”  Mother in-laws have shared that at first they find their new role was a daunting challenge especially if she wasn’t consulted or didn’t give her consent. But it’s a challenge that can be overcome the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is without question is like a complicated dance.

Yet, by the very nature of the relationship, the two are expected to immediately move freely and beautifully in synchronized harmony. Rarely is this connectedness and closeness realized overnight. He does, She does but what about you, the mother of the groom can you take her? The candles are lit, the room grows with a soft yellow hue, the groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar.  As all eyes eagerly watch the closed-door at the chapel’s entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. As the doors swing open, the bride’s heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make that long-awaited, slow walk down the aisle of matrimony.

But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music. Her mother-in-law to-be is also called to respond to the melody! While the young woman in white moves gracefully with the music toward her chosen one, the song calls the mother of the groom to graciously step to the side. In reality, the wedding processional is not just for the bride, it is also a cue for a lifelong dance to begin for two special women in one man’s life.

How true it is that so much changes for a family when the adult children fall in love and marry. Suddenly that are new members who, by decree of law and circumstance, are expected to be embraced and included into the fold. By all means, the challenge is a daunting one, especially for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. The daughter-in-law who may have chosen to join with her husband in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship she is expected to melt into a household of family members that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

The reality is that every holiday, every special occasion, even the continuance for the coming generations pivot on the choice to unite families through marriage. Whether the parents-in-law or the adult children realize it or not, the choices that are made are life-altering for the entire family. For most parents, the grace to love and enfold those new family members by law is a mere continuum of the parental love they enjoy with own kids. However, there are those situations that may require an attitude adjustment. What does a parent do when their child’s preference of a mate is contrary to their personality or taste?  Or what if the offspring ventures outside of their culture, social class, or religion? Is is possible to accept and even cherish the chosen one when they are an unnatural fit? And what about the daughter-in-law? What is she supposed to do when she’s thrust into a new family that may already established traditions, modes of interactions, and common activities that perhaps she doesn’t readily accept or enjoy? She, along with her mother-in-law, can find comfort in knowing that they are not the first to venture out on that sometimes slippery dance floor.

My friend Jane had always dreamed of the day when she would fully embrace a daughter-in-law with the same energy and vitality  with which she loved her own daughter. The two of them always had best of times, they could shop-till-they-dropped with the best of them. Their home was full of the two of them laughter and talking throughout the house when they were together. To Jane’s thinking, adding a daughter-in-law simply ment one more girl with whom to chum around. However Jane’s daughter-in-law was not like Jane’s daughter. She didn’t readily laugh a lot, and she seemed to always isolate herself from the rest of the family. For instance, when the other women were in the kitchen preparing the meal for a family gathering Jane’s daughter in law would sit all alone in the living room quietly leafing through a magazine.

I asked, Jane if she encouraged her to join them and her answer demonstrated the patient wisdom she possessed. Jane replied,  “No.”  As much as I would love for her to feel comfortable being with me and the rest of my  family, I’ve decided to give her space enough to choose whether she stays in the living room or comes into the kitchen. For too long, she’s had someone telling her what to do, and when she didn’t do it fast enough, she was punished. Jane didn’t want to be another person demanding to have their way.

Jane went on to say, I love her and I believe in time she will feel that love. Until then, I will continue to be patient and understanding. “She’s a wonderful wife to my son and that’s all she owes me.” My friend Jane might have selected a different life-partner  for her son when Jane found out that her son was marrying a woman who had a bad life and had been previously married to a man who beat her and her child but instead she decided to love, respect and except her daughter in law the results were amazing.

 Jane learned valuable lessons over the past few years as she has invested into her daughter-in-law. The two women have since grown amazingly close and continue to do so. Jane’s  understanding and kindness has been instrumental in healing hurts of a lovely young women. Jane did it right, and she has reaped the joyous benefits of her choices.  As you establish a rhythm of love and grace, you’ll find that you and your daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law can dance a loving and joyful dance too!

Would Your Rather Clean Your House Than Spend The Day With Your Mother In Law?

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, Dreams, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, grandkids, Life, Love, Marriage, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized, Women by

 Would you rather clean your house than spend the day with your mother in law? A survey by iVillage in 2010 found that 51% of DILs (daughter-in-laws) said, they would rather spend the day cleaning their house than with their MIL ( mother in law); and 28% percent they’d rather have a root canal! A Cambridge University study of hundreds of families over a twenty-year period found that more than 60 percent of the women said, their relationship with their mother-in-law was stressful for them! Daughter-in-laws had a chance to vent about  their mother-in-laws and grandmother in-laws. The answers were immediate, intense, and anxious often saying, “What ever you do, maintain my anonymity. 

They might not apply to you at all, but it’s good to get a window into what DILs are thinking. If you’re sure you want to know what they said, here’s what they said… Thanks, but no thanks when it comes to parenting advice. They want to raise their kids their own way and make their own mistakes. The story you tell about how your son loves your home-baked deserts that you tell just as your daughter in-law brings out the cake she bought at the bakery is an example of a mother in law being passive-aggressive in her  behavior and if you are a mother in law you may be surprised to be told you are still being aggressive even if you are being subtle stop it!  Let’s stop standing on ceremony.

 One daughter in law said, it bothered  her mother in law when she didn’t send her a thank-you note for the baby’s birthday present. She though of her as family and felt like saying, to her mother in law, ” I am not the rude ingrate that you think I am and yes, I am good enough for your son”. It’s sweet that you think your son is so perfect, as long as you also understand that I’m perfect for him. DILs would appreciate it if  their MILs would ask them for some gift ideas and respect the limits  for birthdays and holidays.

They know that they are not like their mother in-laws. But that doesn’t mean they don’t respect the heck out of them.  Remember, she married your son knowing full well that “She married the whole family.” All this  Mother in law business is not a great mystery to daughter in-laws because after all they understand that  their mother in law was the first woman in her husband’s life and have known him longer (and maybe better) than she does. She has taken care of him… and did it very well.  She may be expecting to share holidays and all special occasions with her son’s wife and  family.

The mother in law has her own relationship with her children…the grandchildren and she will usually take her son’s side… even if she doesn’t say so aloud.You can decrease the issues somewhat and sometimes but not all the time. If  you are a mother in law you may be saying to yourself why brother? The answer is simply, you try your best for your grandchildren! You may wonder why should you make the first move? For your grandchildren’s sake that is why! Why let things pass? For your grandchildren that’s why! Let’s start with a few suggestions: See what your daughter-in-law is like with other people, and don’t expect her to be different with you.

On the other hand if she is kind and considerate to other family members and her close friends and not to you. There’s your answer, she doesn’t really like you but you still have to be kind to her for your grandchildren sake! Treat your daughter-in-law with the same patience and politeness you show your own daughter or your close friends or even new acquaintances. The odds are that your daughter-in-law will not have the same kind of personality as your daughter or your close friends because they are like you so go for new acquaintances.

If things get really tough, pretend you’re writing a movie and become an observer instead of participant… it will help to give you psychological distance and enough emotional breathing room to feel in control of your emotions, and sometimes a laugh. Look at the up side of this one you could end up writing a book or a movie script or just feel better and don’t forget to vent with all the other mother in-laws who are in the same boat. Remember you’re not alone just take a few minutes and read any book about DILs and MILs.

 You may be surprised to learn that there are many of blogs used for DILs or MILs as a place to vent. Take a look on-line there are thousands of  women venting about the women in their lives. The most important thing to remember is keep your sense of humor and pray, pray and then pray some more. Want to calm the stormy seas? Here are some tips: Never, never, never…say, “My son is right. Never say, “I think you should. Never say, “I just assumed that…”  You may be asking yourself is there anything we should say? Here are a few suggestions from seasoned mother-in-laws and grandparents…

Tell her stories about your son that will amuse her and interest her and not stories that will make her feel that you think he’s perfect. Make sure you say positive reinforcement statements and yes that can be a challenge when you know in your heart of hearts that she doesn’t like you or resents you but do it for the grandchildren. Say positive statements, like “I respect how you’re raising your kids.” They may not do things the way you did, but it’s a different world today. Find something positive to say that will ring true. Offer to do the dishes or the laundry… or make dinner, be there to help. Don’t be surprised if she tells you “know” that she prefers to it herself it’s an ego issue.  Try saying things like,” Don’t worry; you’re wonderful parents.” They’re probably nervous about every decision they make, and those kind words can make them feel so great and so warm toward you! Your children are wonderful.” All kids go through difficult stages. Tell her your kids did, and they turned out great.

“I’m here if you need me.” You know they’re up on all the latest information about child safety, diet, and development. Just let them know that if they want your advice, they can ask for it and you’ll be happy to share it. Daughter-in-laws usually turn to their mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts before they’ll ask their mother-in-law. Oops! Does that sting? “Keep in mind that all parents feel insecure sometimes.” Parenting can be learned only on the job, and not matter how many blogs and books they read or experts they consult or even if they ask for advice from you, nobody knows their child as they do.

In the Bible, Ruth praise, respects, and loves her mother-in-law, Naomi. Although some of your friends or maybe even you think that your daughter in law (DIL ) feels the same way, most say they are not as lucky as Naomi. They describe their mother in law/daughter in law relationships as one of the most sensitive and complicated relationships they’ve ever had. But at the same time, they know in fact we all know it’s one of the most important relationships we’ll ever have, because if we don’t have a working relationship with our daughter in-laws, we won’t have a relationship that works with our grandchildren! So if you have an excellent relationship with your daughter in law cherish it! And if you don’t, there are things you can do to improve it, the first step is to pray about it and talk to a seasoned mother in-law you respect.

“When Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy!”

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Psychology, Quotes, relationships, Romace, Women by

Many couples are putting their children at the center of the family. This doesn’t sound like a bad thing, after all, aren’t your grandchildren the apple of your eye too? But when parents put their children ahead of  their own needs, ahead of their marriage, it may seem child friendly, but it can lead to complications.

When children are the absolute center of the family, they can grow up without boundaries. This can lead to demanding, entitled kids. Who become demanding, entitled adults. You might have a friend or two who are demanding and they can be difficult to get along with. Can’t they? 

 No one wants their children or grandchildren to turn out to be demanding. Do they? Some acting out might be all right for a child, but future bosses, spouses and friends will probably not be so tolerant. Will they? Furthermore, being the center of the family is too much pressure for most children. Children cannot fulfill all their parents‘ emotional needs and it’s not fair to expect them to. Children in this position often feel they need to parent their parents and that’s not their job. Actually, it’s your job to be there for your children when they are parents.

Remind them to make time for themselves, their spouses and friends if you want to be helpful offer to babysit so they can have a date night or weekend getaway, and you’ll get to spend extra time with your grandchildren.  Bob and Jane being the wise parents and grandparents that they are, offered to babysit their grandchildren while Jim and  Lynn went out on the town.  As Lynn was leaving, she told her children to listen to Nana and Pops and then gave them a kiss on the cheek and thanked her parents.

Well, Bob winked at Lynn while reminding her of this old saying,”When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” Bob’s point was that couples need to spend time together just the two of  them and keep the romance going.  Now Jim plans romantic surprise date nights at least twice a month and all Lynn has to do is show up . Jim and Lynn are feeling reconnected and Nana and Pops are “Happy Grands.” Jim agrees with Bob “When Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy!

The Wubbolus World OF Grandmothers

Posted in Babies, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, relationships, traditions, Women by

Margaret Mead wrote: “The closet friends I have made all through my life have been people who grew up close to a loved and loving grandmother or grandfather.”

In part, she attributed the strong bond between grandchildren and grandparents to the fact that they are united against a “common enemy” the parents.

 It begins to dawn on new grandmothers before that wonderful bundle of joy is brought home from the hospital that this grandmother business can be much more complicated that they had ever imagined.

 When a baby is born, so is a grandmother and that is the beginning of a new love story fresh from heaven. There is nothing for a grandmother to do except love her grandchildren. As days and months follow grandmothers soon learn they can love their grandchildren fiercely, with a passion that can make them hunger for them when they are out of range.

Grandmothers know that their own children love but can they trust them to baby sit? That is an interesting question, isn’t it? You might assume automatically that all grandparents are natural baby sitters but that is not the case in many families.

 Sometimes grandmothers feel like they are auditioning for the role of the” baby sitter grandmother.” Even though your children love you that doesn’t mean that they can trust you with their new bundle of joy. Does that shock you? After all, you are full of motherly wisdom and all that expertise you gained through your years of motherhood. You know how to hold a new-born properly, you are capable of changing their diaper and you know all the ends and outs of bottle feeding. Wait, wasn’t that stomach-down or is it stomach-up just what Dr. Spock advise? 

A wise grandmother will get rid of her’ ” know it all attitude” and ask her little of bundle from heaven parents how they want their child or children cared for and follow their requests because it’s what is best for your grandchild and if your children are happy with you and trusting you then you will have all the Grandmother time you need and that makes for a happy family. 

However with that being said, I suggest that you learn how to pronounce all the tongue twister words in “The Cat In The Hat” books before your grandchild is born. I am recommending this base on an experience that I had while reading to my oldest grandson when he was three or four. He blurted out to me these words to me ” you can’t read very good”, so I don’t want you to read to me any more.

Needless to say I felt crushed but after thinking about it a few seconds I had to agree with him. At the time I didn’t realize I was trying to read made up words by the author Theodor Geisel known as Dr. Seuss. This kind of unexpected situation is not listed in any grandparenting book, so I decided I better get the word out to other grandmothers, so they can be better prepared because there is nothing we enjoy more than our hugs and our reading time with our grandchildren. Is there?

 If you can’t figure out how to pronounce some of the words in your grandchildren tongue twister books ask one of your seasoned grandmothers chances are they have already been through the ranks and will be more than glade to save you from being crushed when your grandchild tells you not to read to them cause you don’t read so good. Welcome to the Wubbolus World of Grandmothers and The Wubbolous World of Dr. Seuss.

Babies Don’t Keep

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Life, Love, Moms, Songs by

Dishes Can WaitEvery now and then a song comes along that speaks to our hearts “Babies Don’t Keep” is one of them. I’m not sure who the author is but I do know that Betty Jean Robinson recorded it many years ago.

When I was a young mother I routinely quoted the words to “Babies Don’t Keep” throughout the day especially if I found myself feeling a little cranky because I felt that I should have been able to take care of a baby and my house chores.

A couple of years ago I noticed my son and daughter in law where very busy keeping up with the demands of every day life, house chores and their children. Then I started saying to myself ” Dishes Be Still “and I couldn’t figure out where I had heard those words before so I asked a few of my friends if they knew a poem called “Dishes Be Still” they didn’t, but suggested that I write one.

I am not a poet but the other night I was suffering  T.V. there was Betty Jean Robinson singing a song called “Babies Don’t Keep” and it got my attention. Then my memories of being a new mother all came flooding back to me and it was fun revisiting them. 

As I went down memory lane I remembered my grandmother singing ” Babies Don’t Keep” to me over the phone on the days when my house chores just seemed to be calling me while I was rocking my baby. I would start saying to myself “Oh, Dishes Be Still Babies Don’t Keep” and before I knew it the dishes stopped calling to me and was able to enjoy rocking my baby.

If you are struggling with the demands of motherhood and the house chores the words to “Babies Don’t Keep” might tug at your heart like it did mine.

God gave us these little ones for just a short time. He said, they’re your blessings, but remember they’re mine. Made in his image this mystery unfolds a child is more Precious than Silver and Gold.

So housework be quiet and chores wait in line. I’m holding my Jewel for this is my time. Dishes can wait and dust go to sleep. I’m Rocking my baby and Babies Don’t Keep.

One day you’ll be grown just like daddy and me. And if you’re not loved now oh, how sad it will be. So I’ll tell you of Jesus for he loves you more, So housework be still quiet and chores wait in line. I’m holding my Jewel for this is my time. Dishes can wait and Dust go to sleep. I’m Rocking my baby and Babies Don’t Keep.

What Do Grandparents Want To Know

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Being a grandparent in today‘s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better. If you’re already a grandparent you know that being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting it can be the most challenging role of your life.

 Grandparents today are so different from all other generations especially from their grandparents. A new grandparent is created every twenty seconds and if you are one of them, welcome!

There are a lot of us already statistics show that we make up one-third of the U.S. population. There are now 70 million grandparents in the United States, and 1.7 million more every year. And while there are a lot of books written to help parents who worry about their baby’s health, their baby’s size compared to the charts, and what IQboosting toys they should buy for their toddlers, there are very few books for us. Their parents. The grandparents!

Do we really need a book about grandparenting? After all, weren’t we parents already? Aren’t we founts of help and advice? Thrilled and devoted? Ready to jump in and help, but wise enough to know when to bow out and be silent? The givers of gifts, and guardians of family history? Mature? Mellow? and Marvelous?

You might be thinking yes, but… and isn’t grandparenting natural? Weren’t their grandparents long before there were books? Isn’t it instinctive? Basic? And built-in? Yes, but… haven’t we grown up watching our own grandparents in action? We had grandparents, our children have grandparents, and now our grandchildren have grandparents. It’s the way of the world, isn’t it? Yes, but… You’ll find that while your emotions may be universal and the problems are timeless, one thing is very different for today’s grandparents. We are different!

Who we really are is a question that many grandparents are asking themselves and each other in today’s society. Here is what a few grandparents are saying; We are healthier, more active, and more youthful and young at heart than our predecessors. Plus, we’re still working and working out, teaching, and learning, traveling, marrying, divorcing, remarrying, and melding our families. Grandparents today have more access to information full of tips on ways the can be the best grandparent they can be.

Our book cases are full of books about cooking, traveling, art, gardening, home improvements, investing money, how to look ten years younger, how to use our nooks, Ipads, cell phones, computers, the million apps that we can use for free, consumer reports covering the A to Z’s of any thing you could think of to buy along with the series of “Dummy Books” and let’s not forget how to be a modern grandparent.

I don’t know if there is a book called ” Grandparenting for Dummy’s” or not I just thought of that. I can tell you that if there isn’t one I’m sure someone will write one soon and it will probably be a best seller. It’s time to google Dummy Books to find out if there is a Dummy Book for Grandparents let me know.

What do grandparents today want to know? Since we are grandparents like no others, our questions are like no others. We want to know how to pick a name of ourselves. What’s wrong with “Grandpa” or “Grandma”? Nothing, but it’s often already taken, since our parents, and perhaps even their parents, are still alive. With so many grandparents, blended and melded grandparents, and great-grandparents in most families, grandparents today want to know how to be the favorite or at least, among the favorites.

We want ot know if it is normal to have “favorites,” to feel bored at times or stressed when our grandchildren visit. We want to know how to make grandchildren smile without spoiling, and help their parents provide for them financially in this bad economy without becoming a purse or a nurse.

We want to know how to handle divorce without hurting the grandchildren (our divorce, their parents’ divorce). We want to know what our daughter-in-laws really think about us and how to develop a better relationship with them so we can get even closer to our grandchildren.

Grandparents want to know so they participate in groups focused on distant granparenting, daughter-in-law problems, grandfathering, financial concerns, and much more. Lots participate in the online surveys. Many of them enjoy contributing and reading grandparent humor. I love everything about grandparenting humor and sometimes I write about something my grandson’s have just done and I find myself laughing as I am writing it’s a blast isn’t it?

Grandparents from every walk of life and from across this country are asking questions about grandparenting we want to know and if someone would write a book called “Straight Talk for Grandparents” telling us what we want to know we would appreciate it and maybe in the future our grandchildren will say thank you grandma or grandpa for believing in me. Grandparents are busy enough so a book written in plain english full of do this and do that because it is in the best interest of your children and grandchildren would help make the world of grandparenting run a lot smoother.

I want to thank my grandparents for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Doesn’t that statement just melt your heart? Take a minute and  image that your grandchildren are saying thank you Nana for making me feel like the smartest and most talented grandchild in the world. Don’t you feel all warm and tingling all over just thinking about them saying that to you? I know I do!

Do You Have A Grandparent Rival

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships by

Grandparents love indulging  grandchildren, love surprising them, love giving them presents, and love seeing the smiles on their fabulous faces when they walk in the door. It’s so much fun! Isn’t it?

A recent grandparent poll asked grandparents this question:  Do you have a grandparent rival?  62% said, Yes I can’t help it and 38% said, No we’re fine. The response to the 62% group was don’t be surprised or embarrassed it’s natural, if you feel a bit competitive with the other set of grandparents and want to be the favorite… or at least on your grandchildren’s favorite list.

But of course, being the favorite grandparent every minute of every day isn’t always possible. First of all, no grandparent can always give their grandchildren everything they want and never say no. Grandparenting may be more fun than parenting, but it’s not a free-for-all. As my grandmother use to say when she had to say No,”anybody can be your friend but my job is to be your grandmother.”

The truth is you probably can’t out do all the other sets of grandparents all the time even if you wanted to. But thank goodness grandparents don’t have to. Just like grandparents, grandchildren have enough love to go around. We can love all our grandchildren and they can love all their grandparents! You may not be your grandchildren’s only favorite, or favorite every day, but if you treat them with love and respect, you will always be a winner in the end. And so will they!

And finally, if you feel like you’re losing the “favorite” race from time to time because you’re the grandmother-in-law and your daughter-in-law prefers her own parents’ brand of grandparenting to yours, you’re probably right! The same Grandparenting poll found 57 percent of paternal grandmothers (that’s the husband’s mother) often felt left out.

It went on to say, After all, your daughter-in-law is parenting the way she was parented by her own mother and in some circumstances it may have been a grandmother, aunt, older sister, or a father who did the parenting but try to remember they did their best.

After all it’s familiar to her and seems “right”. And besides, you were the first woman in her husband’s life, know him longer and better than she does, she’s probably compared to you too often, and if you have a daughter of your own, you may play favorites yourself without even realizing it.

Grandparents who live far away worry that grandparents who live closer will be preferred, and the grandparents with less money worry that wealthier grandparents will gift their way to first place. And if there’s only one child, the stakes are even higher.

So, being “the favorite” may be only a grandparent’s fun fantasy, but there are lots of fun things you can to do that can help you make your dream of being on your grandchildren’s “favorite” Grandparent list.

Here a four Secrets of Favorite Grandparents out of many

  1. Don’t buy love. Reassure yourself that your grandkids will love you even without the nonstop presents and then prove it. Set a one-month gift or candy moratorium, and just play with the kids when they come over, or read to them, or teach them something special, like a funny dance or a goofy kids song, instead of taking them shopping. Let yourself see that you are valued and loved even if you don’t dispense gifts.
  2. Don’t load them up with contraband. Gifts of toys and candy are a problem in another way too. If we take our grandchildren to the candy store, and they stuff bags full of candies and carry them back home, we’ve put their parents in the position of saying yes to junk or no to the special treats. The kids should not bring home varieties of toys and candy that are not allowed in their house, because then you won’t be given many chances to become a favorite!
  3. Do Listen. Ask questions about their likes and dislikes, their games and friends, real and imaginary, their TV programs, books, and their electronic games… and then really listen to their answers. Listen when they talk spontaneously, when they talk repetitively, when they talk endlessly. Listen when they are silly and serious. It’s been said before, their parents just can’t listen to them on a daily basis the way you can when they are with you on a visit. Be the grandparent who understands, the one who is patient, the grandparent who accepts what they say without a lot of lectures and criticism.
  4. Do find Similarities. Become one of your grandchildren’s soul mates and they will feel a bond that will never be broken. Start by going through “favorites” lists and compare notes. They are called the “Top-Three Lists”. Try top-three favorite… vegetables, meats, fruit, candy, snacks, colors, activities, holidays then do the “Bottom Three” you get the idea. Then go through secret wishes, hardest school subjects, least favorite chores, funny movies and so forth. Every time you find a match, make a big deal out of it. Shout, “Match!” Write it down but mainly remember it. When you talk to your grandchildren, even by phone, Skype, chat, text, e-mail, try to bring up one of those similarities. Like “Our favorite holiday is only three weeks away,” or, “I had to eat our least favorite vegetable today because it was in the salad already.”
  5. Make your home their home away from home. If you have the space, set aside the basement, a room, or even a corner of the living room as your grandkids’ very own space. Let them keep their toys and games there. You’re not only telling them they’re welcome, your backing up with actions. This keeps them wanting to come back again and again. And after all, that’s the plan!

Being a grandparent in today’s world isn’t what it use to be, it’s better! Lets embrace our exciting new role and create wonderful relationships with our children and grandchildren. Remember being a grandparent today isn’t just about babysitting and boasting and it is different from our predecessors.

To Realize The Value Of A Sister Or Brother

Posted in Babies, family, Family Values, Life, relationships by

To realize the value of a sister or brother ask someone who doesn’t have one.

To realize the value of ten years ask a newly divorced couple.

 To realize the value of four years ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year ask a student who has failed a final exam. To realize the value of nine months ask a mother who gave birth to a still-born. To realize the value of one month ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of one minute ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane. To realize the value of one-second ask a person who has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. To realize the value of a friend or family member ask someone who has lost a friend or family member.

Hoop It Up With Your Grandkids

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Humor, Keepsakes, Parenting, relationships, traditions by

Are you wondering how to get your grandchildren moving, spark their imaginations, and make the evening so much fun, they’ll want to come back next week?

I just read a list of activities suggested for grandparents by Grandparents.com and I have added a few comments of my own to their list. I hope you enjoy reading a little granny humor today!

  •  Balloon volleyball ! Players bat a balloon back and forth, using part of their bodies, keeping it from hitting the ground. To make it harder, add more balloons. We do that in our house and the kids get a big kick out of it. Jesse likes to lay on a balloon and try to make it pop. What can I say?
  • Indoor safari! Hide stuffed animals around your house before your grandkids get there; then have your junior explorers search for wild game. Are you kidding me? I’m still finding stuffed animals that they stashed around the house from last Christmas it’s always an endless safari hunt in our house! But it does sound like a fun activity. Doesn’t it?
  • Time machine! Scan old family photos, like childhood pictures of your grandkids’ parents, on your computer. Print them out and let the kids create funny captions or stories. Can you see the humor in all the funny things that grandkids could do to photos of their parents. I sure can!
  • Karaoke! To make it even more fun, you sing along to your grandkids’ favorite songs and see if they can tackle tunes from your era. I don’t know about you but my grandkids always ask that I don’t sing. According to my grandson Jeremy I can’t sing or read so good! The funny thing about what he said it is he is true. I do struggle with some of the tongue twisters from “The Cat In The Hat.” Have you tried reading or singing some of the Cat In The Hat stuff? I can’t be the only grandmother with issues about it!
  • Game night! Not video games teach them classic games they don’t know, like jacks, marbles, or pick up sticks. Well I can tell we aren’t going to be playing any of these games in our house for a few years, because Jesse is only two years old and he’s not going to coöperate with us on this one. But we can play cars and trucks even if he tries to take mine away from me.
  • Gotta Dance! Teach the kids your favorite ballroom dance  since Dancing with the Stars, it’s cool again. I suggest you check with their parents first on this one. Not everyone thinks Dancing with the Stars is cool, if you know what I mean?
  • Hula-Hoop it up! You try it too. The kids will love watching you give it a whirl. This sounds like a blast from the past doesn’t it? Just make sure your hips are in alignment before you hula hoop it up!
  • Take it on the road! museums, aquariums, and zoos around the country are offering families the opportunity to sleep over night among the dinosaurs, dolphins, and deer. Call and find out if your local institutions offer this option. And as always, clear it with the parents. That sounds awesome doesn’t it? But if you want to save gas, time and money just go in their bedrooms most grandkids rooms are full of stuffed animals that their grandparents bought for them and with just a little imagination it’s like being at in a zoo. Isn’t it? 
  • Say Cheese! Snap photos with a digital camera all evening. Print the pictures while the kids sleep, then have them assemble sleepover scrapbooks to take home in the morning. And don’t forget to make one for  yourself. It’s sure to be one of your most treasured possessions! I love this idea I’m going to try it. How about you?

After reading this list I am saying to myself; How’s that going to work out for grandparents? The reason is these activities are suggested between dinner time and bed time. I don’t know about you but we make it a point to create a claim atmosphere in order to create the desire in them to them to go to sleep.

I know my son and daughter-in-law would not appreciate me playing balloon volleyball with my grandson’s just before bedtime. I suggest doing these activities in the morning so they’ll get tired out and you can all take a nap after lunch. That sounds good doesn’t it? After all there is nothing like a good old-fashioned nap. Is there? Just remember what ever you do to hoop it up with your grandkids have a blast doing it! So long for now from a Granny in Training!

When We Accept What Is

Posted in Dreams, family, Family Values, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Spiritual by

We usually mosey into relationships seeing their obvious possibilities, imagining specified outcomes, cocooning them with our own expectations.

But what actually occurs is often shockingly different from what we expected.

 The person you wanted to marry has a phobia about commitment. The woman you knew would make a great mother decides to go off to law school.

The suitor with the bottomless trust fund decides to give away all his money and live in a cave. Surprising revisions can happen on even at the simplest levels: “When I fell in love with him, he was wearing a black cashmere sweater and a pair of black dress pants; but after I married him, all he would wear was sweatshirts, his favorite sports hats and jeans.”

Expectations come in two forms: general and specific. General expectations have to do with our dreams and plans for a specific relationship that it will lead to marriage, that it will bring you children, that it will make you “happy.” Specific expectations have to do with what we think we can count on day-to-day – he’ll take out the trash, she’ll handle the kids in a way I approve of. On one level, these expectations are all quite reasonable;  it’s appropriate to have long-range plans and goals, and it’s legitimate to expect specific kinds of participation from your partner.

But when your relationship becomes a litany of failed expectations— what you hoped for but didn’t get—– its time to look at what’s happening from an entirely different perspective. Perhaps, instead of needing to “communicate better” or “negotiate your differences” on an emotional level, you’re being asked, on a spiritual level, to learn to accept what is.

Accepting — finding a way to be comfortable with things as they are—- is actually a very developed spiritual state. It means that you’re relinquished the preconceptions of your ego and surrendered to what’s been given to you. Maybe he’s not the provider you hoped for, but his spiritual strength is a constant inspiration; perhaps she’s not the housekeeper you wanted, but the way she nurtures your children is absolutely beautiful.

Acceptance allows your spirit to grow. When you’re able to recognize the little  miracles and great lessons that replace your expectations, you suddenly discover that what you hoped for— was pitifully puny compared to what was actually held in store for you. And in a way far more complex and elegant than you could have imagined, your life is following a sacred design. 

 So if you want a life that is larger than life and a relationship that is finer than even your wildest hopes, peel back your expectations and start to accept the good in what is.  (This only applies to mentally stable people.)

Moms and Dads Are Raising Great Kids!

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, relationships by

Do moms really read parenting books?  Of course they do they’ve probably read dozens especially when their first baby was born. Have those books been helpful? Yes. In some cases the information about childcare development and medical health issues is very practical and often comforting.

But frankly, reading book after book hasn’t reduced the amount of guilt, stress, and mania among mothers around us. In fact it may have increased it.

There have been just too many parenting books by too many authors who call themselves experts. The net result has been confusion, and mothers who still doubt themselves and worry that their children aren’t thriving.

When researching parenting books make sure that the author has children and is actively involved in their children’s day-to-day lives. It’s not too much to ask of authors of books on parenting to have hands on experience and education about parenting. That is the best. Isn’t it?  There are some solid parenting principles that have been around for decades but all to often forgotten. There are parenting books that simply remind us all the basics. What has always been natural, instinctive, and intuitive for real mothering. Unfortunately, these core principles have been obliterated by the frenzy and mania of commercialized parenting. But now it’s time to get back, get real, and restore the simple truth about mothering: That its foundation is the powerful and unconditional love and connection that ultimately lasts for always. 

  So trust yourself and those maternal instincts no one knows your child better that you. Don’t forget to relax, enjoy the moment, and remember to laugh. I know! You’re thinking that’s easer said than done. Yes, it is but it works!

Antiques and Keepsakes

Posted in Books, Family Values, generational changes, History, Keepsakes, Life, traditions by

The definition of antique varies from source to source, product to product, and year to year. The only known exceptions to the “100 year rule” would be cars. Since the definition of the term antique requires an item to be at least 100 years, or older, and the items in question must be in its original and unaltered condition to be an ‘antique’ if they are roughly 75 years old, or more (some cars can be registered as “classic” when  25 years old, such as muscle cars and luxury vehicles such as a ( Rolls-Royce and Bentley). Further, this is not n universally accepted concern, but rather a consideration made almost strictly by car collectors and enthusiasts.

In the United States, the 1930 Smoot-Hawley Act defined an antique as “works (except rugs and carpets made after the year 1700), collections in illustrations of the progress of the arts, works in bronze, marble,terra-cotta, Parian, pottery or porcelain, artistic antiquities and objects of ornamental character or educational value produced prior to the year 1830. 1830 was roughly the beginning of mass productions in the US and 100 years older than Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act. These definitions allow people to make a distinction between genuine antique pieces, vintage items, and collectible objects. The term antiquarian refers to a person interested in antiquities, or things of the past.

The definition of a keepsake is some object given by a person and retained in memory of something or someone; something kept for sentimental or nostalgic reasons. She gave him a lock of her hair as a keepsake of their time together. Historical specifically, a type of literary album popular in the nineteeth-century, containing scraps of poetry and pose, and engravings. Keepsakes can be called mementos, souvenir, and memorabilia retained in memory of something, someone or a special occasion. Life is full of keepsakes. Every person has them. Every person keeps them. We find them in closets, in scrapbooks, under beds, in attics and in garages. Keepsakes are forever.

 The other day I stopped in at an estate sale the house was bulging at the seams with antiques and keepsakes.  Everything from Vintage jewelry to first edition books signed by the authors. The owners also had beautifully crafted figurines inspired by artist Muriel Joseph George. It got me thinking. What is a keepsake? The thesaurus gives synonyms for keepsakes: mementos, memorial, remembrance, souvenir, symbol, token, trophy. But I’m not sure these words adequately describe a keepsake.

To me, a keepsake is something that when I look at it, my mind becomes flooded with the taste, smell, sound, and memory of an event. It’s something that I don’t have to write an explanation for in the scrapbook. When I glance at a program from a day at the “Ice Capades” all my sense’s come alive. Once again I can pretend that I’m a famous Ice Skater like the one’s in the Ice Capdes that day. Our keepsakes are like a life long friend, who reminds us of the all those special occasions we have experienced in life.