Category Archives: Dreams

It’s Great To Reach For The Stars But You Might Only Get As Far As The Moon . . . That’s OK

Dance Me to the End of Love I

Have you ever experienced that love donates like an exploding star? A love that grew slowly and didn’t necessarily start out as brightly as a supernova but eventually delivered more energy over the long run? We all fall in love for a reason. Some say it’s because there is something so unique and rare in the person they love that no matter what their flaws, or shortcomings, they return again and again in their minds and thoughts to all the good and wonderful ineffable qualities which, for them anyway, is the essence of why they fell in love with them in the first place.

Perfection is a wonderful goal.

Always settling for second-best can lead to a lifetime of disappointment but since nobody is perfect, you could spend a lifetime searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right. So don’t you think that it makes sense to be with someone who you enjoy flaws and all and who enjoys your flaws and all?

It’s true they will not be perfect or even come close to the one you pictured as your “soul mate,” but there will definitely be some chemical reaction going on between you and your love for each other as it grows and bubbles and boils strongly. Perhaps! Would that chemical reaction be stronger with someone else? Maybe? But don’t be too quick to abandon a relationship because your partner doesn’t fit your description of the “soul mate” you were expecting to show up.

The French call that feeling of instantaneous love le coup de foundre, the lightning bolt. Luckily, the odds of being hit by a real lightning bolt are small. Maybe, the odds of being hit by le coup de foundre are also small, but at least it’s not the only way to find true love.

We live in a world of instant gratification there is no denying that because of the world of instant gratification many end up feeling less satisfied and blinded to a love that slowly builds up. That’s because their love bucket it so low. When someone’s love bucket is low they often end up being less satisfied because a relationship takes some work on the parts of both people. That means that both people have to come together in agreement and actually work at having or maintaining a relationship.

Think of it this way fast food doesn’t compare to a meal that takes hours to prepare. Ready-to-wear clothes never fit as well as those that are hand tailored. So just because a relationship takes some work on the parts of both people to come together it doesn’t mean that is filled with any less passion than one that sparked at a first glance. In the long run , it may actually provide a lot more heat than a relationship that starts off quickly but peters out just as fast as it began.

 

 

 

A Glimpse Into A Little Girls Dream

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, Family Values, Grandparenting, Moms, Parenting by

Sweet Dreams TonightThis captures the small bedtime rituals a little girl as she is settling down for the night, and offers glimpse into a dream time world as the she drifts gently into sleep.  Come along with her and snuggle down, close your eyes , and imagine yourself drifting gently away with her on this sleepy, dreamtime journey as she says  “Night-night” to the world.

Before she goes to sleep at Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house they read her favorite “Veggie Tales Stories” to her and they laugh and laugh and laugh and then they give  her lots and lots of  hugs and kisses to their  precious grand-daughter and say, Night-night. She can hardly stop giggling to give them hugs and kisses. Night- night Grandma. Night-night Grandpa she finally says as she stops giggling.

When her mother puts her to bed she reads to her lots and lot of her bedtime stories and at the end she hugs and gives her a goodnight kiss and always says, Night- night. She hugs and kisses her mother back and says, Night-night mommy. When her daddy puts her to bed he reads her a story called “The Little Red Sailboat ” and when the story comes to the end  he hugs and gives her a goodnight  kiss and tells her Night-night.  Night-night, Daddy she replies.

 After they leave the room and tune out the light, she starts to wonder where Big Dog is? There he is. Night-night, Big Dog. Before she goes go to sleep, he kisses Big Dog and Mr. Teddy bear good night. Night-night Big Dog and  Mr. Teddy Bear. Then she asks Miss Kitty if she is sleepy yet and Miss  Kitty is never sleepy . She wonders where does Miss Kitty go at night? Before she goes to sleep she’ll snuggle down and close her eyes and sail away in her little red sailboat over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.  Night -night again Grandma and Grandpa and then across the pond to say, Night-night, ducks. Night –night sky.

Night -night, Mr. Moon. Night-night,  Sparkly Stars. Night-night, Big World.  Night-night Big dog and Mr. Teddy Bear, are you sleepy yet? She is almost home, now. Night-night, Me. Night-night, You. Night-night Everyone. I don’t know about you but  for a few moments it was sure fun pretending to be sailing with her in The Red Sail Boat.

Ten Big Things To Remeber During The Ups and Downs Of Life . . .

Posted in Changing Habits, Dreams, friendships, Goals, Life, Love, Psychology, Quotes, relationships by

be-yourself-When life puts a mountain in your way don’t forget you’ve faced mountains before. Don’t be afraid. You’re strong. Just start climbing. Imagine yourself reaching your goal. Changing your attitude can free you or keep you bound. You have what it takes . You have your spirit, mind and body. You have wisdom to know how to compensate. Cry is you want. Kick and scream. It’s okay. Get it out of your system then check your worries at the gate. Remember  . . . it’s just another mountain. You’ve climbed mountains before, and you will climb this one. You can do it. Absolutely!

Ten Things to Remember During The Ups and Downs After Calling Your Best Friend . . .

  1. Your life is a gift to you. Appreciate this gift with all your heart.
  2. Know that God is always with you. Pray to Him often, Listen to His guidance, and don’t forget to thank Him for your blessings.
  3. Respect yourself and make wise choices about your life.
  4. A balanced life is based on give and take. Give joyfully out of your own need, and you will draw whatever you need to you.
  5. You’re thoughts, words, and actions paint the total picture of who you are. Be good as your word, and be good.
  6. Treat others as you want to be treated, no matter how they’ve treated you . . .
  7. Don’t judge others. Don’t try to change others especially your sister or your best friend; it won’t work. You’ll have enough trouble changing yourself.
  8. When you’re down, get up and try again. Whatever you’re going through will look different on another day.
  9. If you wrong someone, ask forgiveness, and when someone wrongs you, be quick to forgive.
  10. Choose to love others, for when you show love, you are making a positive difference and don’t forget to call your best friend.

I hope you will look at all your good qualities and realize how important you are to those who love you. Start reflecting on your own attitudes, your accomplishments, and all the things that make you who you are. I know you will find ways to make the difficult times easier, your cares lighter, and the days brighter. I pray that revelations and secrets will unfold for you to make a difference as you tap into that source of strength I know is within you, that place where hope and courage lives  and new dreams are born.  I hope you will connect with the kind of faith that helps you to reach your desired goals.

~Granny In Training~

“Begin Your Journey Toward Truth Today”

Posted in Dreams, Life, Love, Psychology, relationships by

plant your own gardenTruth is a journey toward it’s self and it includes an empathetic moment when we surrender, expressing our own urgent truths in order to be with another during the unfolding of his, or her truths. To live the truth is to be aware that, as your context changes, so will your view of the truth and the range of the truth that your heart and soul can contain.

Your truth may not be now what it once was or what it will be in the future; but it is your duty to live and speak your truth of the moment and to be willing to change it, should some larger truth be revealed to you.Finding Joy

In relationships we begin with the small truths that  are true at the moment for us and speak them, in love, to the persons we love.Happy Couple We start with our stories, our needs, our hope, and our dreams, then move on, through the many and varied vicissitudes of our ever-unfolding personal selves, toward the truth that embraces us all.

For the ultimate truth is immense; it swallows up all other truths, our little individual truths, the contradictions we all are living, and even the bigger truths of paradox and dogma, of principles and rules.Right Or Wrong

There is nothing purer than the truth, it stands inviolate on its own merit, searing through falsehood and equivocation, shining brilliant as the spiritual totem around which our whole lives are organized.

The truth is indivisible, stunning, eternal, the alpha and the omega of our mortal human existence. Nothing less than the truth can ever pass for it. Begin your journey toward truth today.

 Search for the truth inside you that is longing to be expressed and find the words to speak it. See the truth that stands in your midst, that is carried , embodied, and spoken by all your strangers and friends.Your Journey Is Your Own

Live the higher truth as you know it, as it is revealed to you, through art, in music, in literature, in nature, and in God given dreams. Receive the truth that surrounds you, for truth is the ultimate light. Align yourself with the truth, for to live your life in truth is to live in perfect freedom.God Moments Begin your journey today!

“Sometimes Reclaiming Your Life Means Giving Up The Fariy Tale”

Posted in Divorce, Dreams, family, friendships, Love, Marriage, Psychology, relationships, Romace, Spiritual, Women by

Couple in conflictHave you ever felt that you walked the path of your life alone? That you were the only woman who has ever made a painful, stupid mistake? That you settled for less than you deserved?  Did you desperately desire love above all else? Did you yearn for a real partner so much it hurt: Have you ever thought “Why is every woman but me in a great relationship?  “Why can’t I be that happy?” Or found yourself rejected by the person you loved and it left you feeling that something was wrong with you?

When a devastating breakdown of a relationship ends it can feel like a wild boar‘s tusk ripping through your heart. You can become convinced that you are the only woman who has ever made a complete mess of your life. You feel alone, rejected, and furious that you had deceived yourself for so long. That you had given up on “yourself” to keep the love of another for years, only to be left with a heart torn to shreds.

What women learn shortly after the initial blow of their relationship’s end is that, they failed to understand above all else, is that they needed to honor the most important relationship of all “the one with themselves.” The ending of a relationship becomes the beginning of a journey for women  to learn many things about themselves and how to love and honor themselves.

The journey of being a woman can seem crazy and confusing but for better or worse, women have many of the same stories, heartbreak, obstacles, and expectations. The good news is that women don’t have to remain captive to the limiting beliefs swirling in their psyches and in society, which keeps them far from their dreams. We always have a choice. Along life’s path, we all have the opportunity to gain wisdom from our mistakes, the self-awareness that comes from healing our wounds, and clarity by claiming our needs.

If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power that is available to heal our hearts and teach us how to love ourselves, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations will be lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us.

I, too relied on the wisdom and support of many women, some of them total strangers, to progress through my journey to wholeness.  By watching others and listening, I learned that to fully and wholeheartedly love another I first needed to fully and wholeheartedly embrace ” myself.” This realization is a major source of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge and experiences with  other women. Women need to share the wisdom gained on their personal path as they went from being a person they thought they had to be to be loved to being the one they actually are.

In them I gained wisdom while on my personal path as I went from being  a person I thought I knew and loved to being one I actually do know and love. We shared our stories about living ordinary lives, raising children, creating a safe home life, the ups and downs of stay at home moms to the working moms. Some of us were married and some single. We talked about many issues like paying bills, being young, and getting older and the list goes on and on and lets not forget divorce as well. We also talked about trying to find sources of love and happiness but often looking in the wrong places. When we stopped and took a careful look at the life we had created and honesty answered this question “Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life first?  The one with my self and God.

We discovered reclaiming our lives meant giving up the fairy tale that we had created about ourselves and instead finding out what reality was. The new path may did not seem clear at the beginning to us  and we felt like we were fumbling in the dark grabbing for something to hold to, then one of my dear friends said, remember this is a normal feeling and keep moving forward and don’t go back. During this time we discovered within ourselves the spirit of survivor and a deeper faith we never knew existed.

 We also learned that loving ourselves is knowing ourselves, enjoying and valuing the women that we are, and understanding that getting to know ourselves and God  is a lifelong personal enterprise. It meant that we needed to  appreciate ourselves as much as we appreciate the ones we love. Loving ourselves is recognizing our gifts and talents and then putting them to good use, acknowledging our flaws and forgiving ourselves for them. We learned that loving ourselves was reaching for more, it was reaching for the best, in ourselves. We discovered that our hearts can only hold as much love as we believe it can. So often women put up with shabby treatment in love because they don’t believe they deserve better or they are still stuck in fairy tale thinking.  So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated even more wonderfully in love than any fairy tale woman has ever been. 

Carol. M.

Would Your Rather Clean Your House Than Spend The Day With Your Mother In Law?

Posted in Daughtrer-In-Laws, Dreams, family, Family Values, friendships, generational changes, grandkids, Life, Love, Marriage, Mother-In-Laws, Psychology, relationships, Uncategorized, Women by

 Would you rather clean your house than spend the day with your mother in law? A survey by iVillage in 2010 found that 51% of DILs (daughter-in-laws) said, they would rather spend the day cleaning their house than with their MIL ( mother in law); and 28% percent they’d rather have a root canal! A Cambridge University study of hundreds of families over a twenty-year period found that more than 60 percent of the women said, their relationship with their mother-in-law was stressful for them! Daughter-in-laws had a chance to vent about  their mother-in-laws and grandmother in-laws. The answers were immediate, intense, and anxious often saying, “What ever you do, maintain my anonymity. 

They might not apply to you at all, but it’s good to get a window into what DILs are thinking. If you’re sure you want to know what they said, here’s what they said… Thanks, but no thanks when it comes to parenting advice. They want to raise their kids their own way and make their own mistakes. The story you tell about how your son loves your home-baked deserts that you tell just as your daughter in-law brings out the cake she bought at the bakery is an example of a mother in law being passive-aggressive in her  behavior and if you are a mother in law you may be surprised to be told you are still being aggressive even if you are being subtle stop it!  Let’s stop standing on ceremony.

 One daughter in law said, it bothered  her mother in law when she didn’t send her a thank-you note for the baby’s birthday present. She though of her as family and felt like saying, to her mother in law, ” I am not the rude ingrate that you think I am and yes, I am good enough for your son”. It’s sweet that you think your son is so perfect, as long as you also understand that I’m perfect for him. DILs would appreciate it if  their MILs would ask them for some gift ideas and respect the limits  for birthdays and holidays.

They know that they are not like their mother in-laws. But that doesn’t mean they don’t respect the heck out of them.  Remember, she married your son knowing full well that “She married the whole family.” All this  Mother in law business is not a great mystery to daughter in-laws because after all they understand that  their mother in law was the first woman in her husband’s life and have known him longer (and maybe better) than she does. She has taken care of him… and did it very well.  She may be expecting to share holidays and all special occasions with her son’s wife and  family.

The mother in law has her own relationship with her children…the grandchildren and she will usually take her son’s side… even if she doesn’t say so aloud.You can decrease the issues somewhat and sometimes but not all the time. If  you are a mother in law you may be saying to yourself why brother? The answer is simply, you try your best for your grandchildren! You may wonder why should you make the first move? For your grandchildren’s sake that is why! Why let things pass? For your grandchildren that’s why! Let’s start with a few suggestions: See what your daughter-in-law is like with other people, and don’t expect her to be different with you.

On the other hand if she is kind and considerate to other family members and her close friends and not to you. There’s your answer, she doesn’t really like you but you still have to be kind to her for your grandchildren sake! Treat your daughter-in-law with the same patience and politeness you show your own daughter or your close friends or even new acquaintances. The odds are that your daughter-in-law will not have the same kind of personality as your daughter or your close friends because they are like you so go for new acquaintances.

If things get really tough, pretend you’re writing a movie and become an observer instead of participant… it will help to give you psychological distance and enough emotional breathing room to feel in control of your emotions, and sometimes a laugh. Look at the up side of this one you could end up writing a book or a movie script or just feel better and don’t forget to vent with all the other mother in-laws who are in the same boat. Remember you’re not alone just take a few minutes and read any book about DILs and MILs.

 You may be surprised to learn that there are many of blogs used for DILs or MILs as a place to vent. Take a look on-line there are thousands of  women venting about the women in their lives. The most important thing to remember is keep your sense of humor and pray, pray and then pray some more. Want to calm the stormy seas? Here are some tips: Never, never, never…say, “My son is right. Never say, “I think you should. Never say, “I just assumed that…”  You may be asking yourself is there anything we should say? Here are a few suggestions from seasoned mother-in-laws and grandparents…

Tell her stories about your son that will amuse her and interest her and not stories that will make her feel that you think he’s perfect. Make sure you say positive reinforcement statements and yes that can be a challenge when you know in your heart of hearts that she doesn’t like you or resents you but do it for the grandchildren. Say positive statements, like “I respect how you’re raising your kids.” They may not do things the way you did, but it’s a different world today. Find something positive to say that will ring true. Offer to do the dishes or the laundry… or make dinner, be there to help. Don’t be surprised if she tells you “know” that she prefers to it herself it’s an ego issue.  Try saying things like,” Don’t worry; you’re wonderful parents.” They’re probably nervous about every decision they make, and those kind words can make them feel so great and so warm toward you! Your children are wonderful.” All kids go through difficult stages. Tell her your kids did, and they turned out great.

“I’m here if you need me.” You know they’re up on all the latest information about child safety, diet, and development. Just let them know that if they want your advice, they can ask for it and you’ll be happy to share it. Daughter-in-laws usually turn to their mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts before they’ll ask their mother-in-law. Oops! Does that sting? “Keep in mind that all parents feel insecure sometimes.” Parenting can be learned only on the job, and not matter how many blogs and books they read or experts they consult or even if they ask for advice from you, nobody knows their child as they do.

In the Bible, Ruth praise, respects, and loves her mother-in-law, Naomi. Although some of your friends or maybe even you think that your daughter in law (DIL ) feels the same way, most say they are not as lucky as Naomi. They describe their mother in law/daughter in law relationships as one of the most sensitive and complicated relationships they’ve ever had. But at the same time, they know in fact we all know it’s one of the most important relationships we’ll ever have, because if we don’t have a working relationship with our daughter in-laws, we won’t have a relationship that works with our grandchildren! So if you have an excellent relationship with your daughter in law cherish it! And if you don’t, there are things you can do to improve it, the first step is to pray about it and talk to a seasoned mother in-law you respect.

Success Is A Mind Set

Posted in Brain Study, Dreams, Life, Psychology, relationships by

In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein.

Researcher Carol Dweck refers to The Natural Genius’s as a “fixed mindset.” In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dweck summarizes three decades of research that demonstrates the enormous impact your views on intelligence and what it takes to succeed have on how you see your own capabilities.

Briefly, when you have a fixed mindset, your energies are focused on performing well and being smart, both of which require you to continually prove yourself. Succeeding does inspire self-confidence for a while. When you’re faced with a setback, however, you often go to great lengths to avoid challenge and failure.

To the fixed-mindset person, intelligence and skill are seen as a sum game. Either you can do math or you can’t. You’re artistic or you’re not. You have what it takes to sell or to be a great speaker or you don’t. Not surprisingly, Dweck found that people who have a fixed mindset are more likely to rate high on the impostor scale.

A major reframe for the Natural Genius involves the recognition that innate talent has remarkably little to do with greatness. Not only can you learn how to any number of things, you can even become great at them, if you’re willing to work at it. As extensive research in the United States and Britain reveals, people who excel in fields from music to sports to chess are the ones who devote the most time in engaged “deliberate practice.”

This involves not just repeated practice but repeated practice based on highly targeted measures and goals. Even people who’ve already reached the top know that staying there requires constant practice. That’s why sports figures are constantly practicing their sports even off-season. This emphasis on continuous improvements is indicative of what Dweck calls a “growth mindset.” In direct contrast to the fixed mindset success is not considered a function of being inherently, gifted, or skilled. Instead the path to mastery is seen as a lifelong learning and skill building.

And because growth-mindset people know how to learn from mistakes and failure, rather than withdrawing from difficult endeavors or becoming discouraged, they redouble their efforts. When you see yourself as a work-in-progress, you’re automatically less likely to experience feelings of inadequacy. Not only is natural talent not required to be competent, having it does not automatically guarantee success. Dweck cites example after example from the world of sports and art of people who started out with only average abilities but were willing ot perceives and wound up doing as well and after better than those who are naturally gifted but fail to apply themselves.

The good news is that effort is available to anyone willing to use it and that includes you. With practice you get better, and when you get better, you feel better. Best of all, you’ll have the hard-won confidence to prove it. Will you encounter setbacks along the way? Bet on it!  The difference is that instead of seeing difficulty and challenge as signs of your ineptness, you now approach them as opportunities to grow and learn. Here’s where the power of self-talk and reframing comes in.

Instead of thinking, I’m unqualified, think, I may be inexperienced but I’m fully capable of growing into the role. In the past, when you were faced with something you’d never done before, you thought, Yikes, I have no idea what I’m doing! Now you tell yourself , Wow, I’m really going to learn a lot, words really do matter. Simply changing how you talk to yourself about a difficulty or a challenge changes how you approach it.

Michelangelo said, “Genius is eternal patience.” writing a dissertation or building a practice or doing anything of consequence takes much time, effort, and patience. Remember that your first draft, first presentation, first painting, or first anything is never going to be as good as your second or your two hundredth. swap your false notions of overnight success for the ideal slow, steady progress, and you’ll discover the true meaning of genius. Remember effort seems to trump ability, challenges are often opportunities in disguise and real success always takes time.

A Few Tips For Brides

Posted in Brides, Brides and Grooms, Dreams, family, Getting Organized, Keepsakes, Life, Love, Marriage, Planning A Wedding, relationships, Spiritual, Weddings, Women by

By the time the first note of the bridal march is played, thousands of decisions have been made, for better or for worse. Knowing what to do and what not to do can help you to avoid missteps so you can make the most of your perfect day. There are many details involved in making your wedding a success, and careful attention should be paid to all of them, big and small.  Begin by getting an overview of all tasks ahead of you.

Here are a few reminders of what to do and what not to do while on your jounery to the altar.

What Not to Do?

  1.  Do not try to please others by doing your wedding as they suggest. It’s your wedding. Do it your way.
  2. Do not make major decisions with consulting your fiance’ (e).
  3. Do not discuss the details of your budget with other people. Unless they are helping to finance the event, the details are not their concern.
  4. Do not expect service providers to work for unreasonably low prices. Get the best deals you can, but be willing to pay appropriately for people’s time and efforts.
  5. Do not forget that everything will go perfectly. There are bound to be glitches, but you can deal with them.
  6. Do not make spur-of-the moment decisions about anything. Take time to consider everything carefully.
  7. Do not be rigid with your plans. Try to be flexible when possible.
  8. Do not spend so much on the wedding that you enter your new marriage heavily in debt.
  9. Do not make unreasonable demands of all the people helping you make your plans.
  10. Do not use your wedding as a time to highlight and perpetuate family differences.
  11. Do not allow differences of opinion about wedding details to come between you and your fiance’.
  12. Do not neglect your relationship with your fiance’ as you get caught up in planning the wedding.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           What to Do?

  1. Leave enough time to handle all the unexpected details.
  2. Start at the beginning by getting a game plan.
  3. Don’t forget one of the most important things to do, “seek out pre marriage counseling” with a professional that you and your fiance’ trust and rremember that the marriage is the most important thing, not the wedding.
  4. The wedding party is an important feature of the wedding begin to think about who should be part of this select group.
  5. Take advantage of a professional wedding planner if possible. It will take some of the burden off your shoulders, and will leave you time to deal with other details that only you can handle.
  6. Ask professionals who will be helping you how much time they will need to get everything done properly.
  7. Select a date for your wedding that is not already notable for something else.
  8. Choose attendants and other member of the wedding party with care. They will part of your memories of your special day, and will be a part of the photos that you will cherish.
  9. Try to choose outfits that your attendants really can wear latter.
  10. Get details in writing.There is nothing worse than thinking you are getting a particular product or service in one way, and finding out that you are incorrect. Keep receipts for everything you pay in connection to the wedding.
  11. Select some method of keeping all your details organized there are many free wedding web sites that are designed to help you and your wedding party stay organized. Weddingwire.com is an excellent. Many brides still use index cards, and some find a loose leaf notebook system helpful.
  12. List all wedding tasks to be done and assign a due date for each. This will be helpful when meeting with suppliers of goods and services. 
  13. Find out deadlines by which you will have to have particular decisions made and abide by them. Remember they are intended to help you.
  14. Get a master calendar where all activities, plans, and deadlines will be recorded.
  15. Begin to think about what type of service you would like, wha traditions you would like to honor, and what religious elements you would like to include.
  16. Have a back up plan if your wedding is planned for outdoors.
  17. As you begin to think  of whom you will invite, keep a list of extras  that out-of-town guest will need, such as a ride to the rehearsal dinner.
  18. Enlist help ahead of time to help accommodate special needs of guests.
  19. Be ready to bear the cost of extras that you ask your attendants to have, such as professionally applied make-up or perfect manicure.
  20. Check well ahead of the wedding for marriage license requirements.
  21. What to wear?  You can ease the process of dressing everyone appropriately for the ceremony by knowing what your wedding vision is before you even start.
  22. Plan to show your appreciation to members of the wedding party with a gift to help commemorate the occasion.
  23.  Remember you are blending your families,so make sure you remain respectful of your fiance’s suggestions he knows them better than you do.
  24. Send thank-you notes promptly so you do not feel overwhelmed by the task.
  25. Take time to enjoy the journey to the altar. Relax and savor the process.
  26. Begin to develop a budget for your wedding expenses.
  27. Include in the budget honorarium for the minster, musicians, and others who help the ceremony but who are not attendants.
  28. Decide up front who will pay for what.There are traditional guidelines about this, though in recent years they have become more casual they are still an important facet of planning a wedding. 
  29. Consider setting up a wedding gift registry, it helps to take the guess-work out for those who are buying you and your fiance’ gifts.
  30. Remember to tie up the loose ends and finishing with finesse because you are creating a day you will cherish for a lifetime.

What’s On Your Wish List?

Posted in Dreams, Life, Psychology, Women by

How many times have you started a sentence with the words “In my lifetime, I want to…”?

Perhaps what you wanted was something grand, like winning a medal for bravery. Maybe it was something modest, even mundane like a wish to clean out your car or to climb a tree.

Maybe you wished for something fantastic like having your own cooking show on HGTV, for example. Or something utterly practical, like making a budget and sticking to it.

Your wish might have taken you to the other side of the world or as far away as the moon, or it might have meant just a walk around the corner. Maybe you wished to do something generous, or something just for you.

What happened to all those wishes? Where did they go? Wishing is good for us. Daydreams, fantasies, castles in the air, and aspirations all drive us forward, impel us to make things happen. They also tell us a lot about ourselves. Our wishes came straight from our core, and they are loaded with vital information about who we are and who we can become.

Keeping track of our wishes helps us tap into the energy that propels us to go after our happiness. That’s what a wish list can do for you. It is to serve as a wellspring of ideas for things to do, have, see, taste, experience, achieve, give, be, learn, do for others, or try just once.

Complete this sentence: “In this lifetime, I want to …” Your collection should range from small, easily realizable goals to grandiose pipe dreams and everything in between. It works for ages 10 to 100. In fact wish lists looks like our own hopes and dreams.

Your wish list is not meant to be solely revelation it is meant to be used as your very personal “to do list for life.” Carry your wish list with you and when your creative daydreaming starts, scribble your own wishes on the blank lines. Check off or underline those wishes you want for yourself.

When you’ve achieved a wish, celebrate the fact by checking it off with a big red X next to it. As years go by and the wish list’s pages become dog-eared and yellow, you will have accumulated a profile of your changing view of happiness, your own evolving values, and your own fulfillment, Not a bad thing to have.

Here is a short list of wishes that might help you start your own list.

  • Try everything that is good once.
  • Witness an event that turns out to be a major historical occurrence.
  • Have a positive effect on people
  • Smell Florida’s night-blooming jasmine.
  • Be surprised by your children.
  • Live in a California beach house with the ocean for your front yard.
  • Attend a vintage motorcycle rally.
  • Coin a phrase.
  • Sing a song that your niece writes.
  • Dance at your grandson’s wedding.
  • Take underwater photographs.
  • Write the lyrics to a passionate love song for your husband / wife.

Summer at a villa in Tuscany. Lean to draw. Skinny-dip under a waterfall. Volunteer at the local soup kitchen. See a mountain gorilla in the wild. Meet your favorite motivational speaker. Work for someone you’ve always admired. Write a love poem.  Start your own blog. Watch the sun set over your favorite locations. Solve a mystery. Take the road less traveled. Your wish list is calling you, now get out there and start living.

Happy Endings Like The Kiss At The End Of A Fairy Tale

Posted in Dreams, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Uncategorized, Working Women by

We all want happy endings like the kiss at the end of the fairy tale, we’re all waiting for it. 

 Rick and Liz are a couple who have experienced a fairy tale ending. When they first met their eyes were filled with only each other and they hung on every word said totally captivated by the sound each others her voices.

On their first date he was too nervous to eat, but Liz helped  him to loosen up a bit by asking ,”So how was your day?” He kind of looked at her, a bit surprised, and said, “What do you mean?” She said, ‘I mean how was your day?”

To Liz, that was a more caring way to find out about a person’s life rather than just up and asking them what they do for a living. So Rick shared with her about a problem he’d had at work that day. Then he said, “you’re a business owner, what would you have done? She said, “Hmm. I would have handled it completely differently.” And then she gave him her opinion. He started laughing and said, “Uh, why don’t you tell me how you really feel?” She said, “If you want a different answer, ask a different girl.”

Rick said, Oh I apologize if I sounded condescending your answer has given me a lot to think about and maybe in the further you and I can explore other business options that I haven’t considered. Liz smiled and said she would like that. During their first date Liz noticed that Rick took her seriously, and she liked that.

On the way home they talked about current music, books, movies, obscure artists. They shook hands at the end of the night, which was totally typical for Liz. The next weekend Rick and Liz went out on their second date she wore a summer halter dress with funny green butterflies in her hair thinking if she was dressed like a carefree woman it would help to loosen up her type A control-freak personality.

When they got into Ricks bright red Mazda Miata ( which Liz liked even more than she liked Rick) she leaned forward and to tell Rick what route to take to the restaurant. Rick remained quiet while she gave him her instructions, and then he said two words to her that shifted the whole dynamic. Those two words were: “Nice Perfume.” Liz didn’t know exactly what happened in that moment, but it was certainly chemical. There was no other way to explain it. She turned around and looked out the window and thought, Oh my, I love him. 

They went to a romantic bistro down by the sea-shore, and sat in the outdoor garden. Liz looked across the table at him, and she was thinking, How did this happen, could I already be in love with him? All of her senses were firing. She knew that something was going on here and she had recognized something familiar in Rick.

Liz said, “What’s the story with you, what’s the issue? There’s something a little broken in you, she could feel it. She figured it takes one shattered spirit to know another, and in the middle of dinner he opened up to her about his complicated family relationships, old wounds that were magnified by the fact that he worked with his father and uncle in the family business. He told her that he wanted to leave and make his own success, but he felt a tremendous obligation to carry on what his grandfather had started, and he was pretty resentful of it all. Liz listened and then said, why don’t you come work for me? Rick smiled.

They talked until 4:00 a.am. about everything and nothing. At nine the next morning Liz’s door bell rang, she opened it and there were two dozen red roses. After that they started competing for who could out            romance the other, and it was intoxicating and explosive and yet at the end of each date they always shook hands. Rick and Liz were finally ready to embrace love with a grateful, open heart and had chosen the right person to throw their arms around for the rest of their lives.

 Many couples forge into marriage with a mindset of “What’s in it for me?” What am I going to get out of this?” They consciously or unconsciously seek to get instead of give. Rick and Liz learned a more loving and humble approach would be to ask. “What can I bring to this marriage?” and “What can I learn from my spouse?” Have you ever thought about the purpose marriage? 

The number one reason people get married is love,” They want to spend the rest of their life with the person” and the second reason is “To have kids.” Rick and Liz wanted to do both. Rick learned from Liz a better way to operate a business and Liz learned to let go of the need to be controlling they both leaned a better way to love. What’s the purpose of your marriage?

 

Matchmaker- Matchmaker

Posted in Brides, Dreams, family, Letters, Life, Love, relationships, Romace, Women by

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch. Matchmaker, Matchmaker, look through your book, and make me a perfect match. Matchmaker, Matchmaker, I’ll bring the veil, you bring the groom, slender and pale.

Bring me a ring for I’m longing to be the envy of all I see. For Papa make him a scholar. For mama, make him rich as a king. For me, well, I wouldn’t holler if he were as handsome as anything.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a  match, find me a find, catch me a catch. Night after night in the dark, I’m alone so find me a match of my own. I promise you’ll be happy, and even if you’re not, there’s more to life than that…Don’t ask me what?

This matchmaker story is true and is about a man named  Paul and a woman named Karen he lived in New York and she lived in San Francisco, Ca.They met while Paul was attending a family reunion in San Francisco and he asked his cousin Hedy and her fiance’ Jack if they would call some friends who might be willing to go out on a date with him. They went to work, calling various women fortunately, Karen called them back. Hedy’s nick has been  Matchmaker, Matchmaker ever since her  collage years because she matched up more than fifteen couples which she never lets anyone forget about. Hello Dolly has nothing on her that is for sure.

Karen was sitting at the restaurant with Paul’s cousins, and she thought, he’s pretty good-looking. They started talking and Karen noticed Paul was one of the happiest people she had ever come across. And when he would talk about things that he had done and things that you wanted to do, it sounded incredibly appealing, like it would just be a fun life with him.

By the end of the evening  Karen handed him her business card, and He said, he would keep in touch. He called her from his family reunion and asked her if she would allow him to take her to dinner, and then would she take him to the airport? They continued their conversation on the pay phone rather enthusiastically for two hours and Paul’s cousins wondered why Paul wasn’t paying any attention to them or anyone else in  the rest of the family.

They had a great dinner, and then Karen took him to the airport. She saw him off, no peck on the cheek, nothing like that. While Paul was getting on the airplane he was thinking, this could be interesting. He spent the whole time on the plane writing a letter to her and when the plane landed instead of going to pick up his luggage he found a mail box and sent the letter. And come to find out that she had been up all night writing a letter to him and mailed it first thing in the morning. Matchmaker, Matchmaker make me a perfect match!

Karen was really resisting having any feelings of liking him, because she lived in San Francisco and he lived in New York, which was extremely far away. She had never been there. And she had a nice career going, She owned her own home in San Francisco. She had a whole life in California, so why even get into any kind of entanglement with a man who lived so far away? It just seemed crazy. But then, obviously, She really like him.

They wrote each other a lot. They built up a lot of intimacy with all that communicating. It’s was like an essay every single day about a new topic. They wrote about everything. Paul said, a lot happened in those letters and he couldn’t help but be somewhat flirtation, just because it was kind of fun and innocent enough. Karen said, he was plenty flirtatious, but never made a pass at her.

Soon they were spending  hundreds of dollars a month on phone bills, flying back and forth, so they decided to cut to the chase about things. The catalyst for them was when Karen’s mom died in a car accident suddenly and it forced Paul to figure out whether he should be apart of this kind of …sadness. He hadn’t met her family and they were still in a new relationship. Paul thought it over and decided he wanted to be with Karen.

Karen asked her dad if he was up to meeting Paul and he said, yes.  He made a welcoming sign for Paul and made Paul feel welcomed and comfortable.  Karens dad was warm and kind to Paul even though he had just lost his wife and was very, very, very sad. Paul always admired Karens dad for his strength and making that sign for him. It was a tough time, but it built strength between them.

A few months later Karen was at work, and her colleague, said, “Oh, we forgot to tell you: we have to go across campus to see the new dean at the chapel.” So they were kind of jogging across campus, because they were late, and as they walked into the sanctuary she noticed some violin music. It wasn’t until she was pretty far into the church that she realized that it was Paul, and that he was playing the Winter Movement from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. There was an older couple sitting in the front pews, just in rapt attention, listening to him.

Karen didn’t know what was going on: Why was Paul doing this performance in the church? And then Karen kind of got an inkling when Paul finished he went over to her and asked her if she would marry him. She said, yes. It was incredibly romantic and incredibly surprising.

One of things that Karen said to Paul during their vows at the wedding was that she looked forward to seeing his happy face every morning and she still does. Paul still thinks Karen is all he imaged she would be except more of it. She is smart. She is generous and most of all she is just lots of fun to be around. They are very grateful to Hedy and Jack for matching them up.

Start Where You Are

Posted in Dreams, Life, Love, Quotes, relationships, Women by

 Start where you are when you have been blind-sided by a sudden crises, tragedy, or an unwanted break up. Unplug the TV, put away the to-do lists, turn off the computer playing in your mind, and find some quiet time alone and meditate about how you are going to start where you are now. 

You may be wondering what does daffodils have to do with starting where you are? Look at this photo of daffodils field do you realize it started with just one bulb? “Start Where You Are ” one bulb at a time!

This is a lovely story about a woman who planted one of the most beautiful displays of daffodils ever seen, high up on a mountain peak surrounding her small A-frame home.

There were five acres of flowers planted in “majestic”, swirling patterns with great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.”

A poster on her patio of her home read: “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking.”  The first was “50,000 bulbs.” The second answer was, “Began in 1958 planting one bulb at a time, year after year for more than forty years, this woman had created something of indescribable magnificence, beauty and inspiration.

Sometimes we find ourselves at cross roads, no longer willing to do things the same old way. It may arise out of a need, an answer to a problem, or a deep soul desire felt within. You find yourself bewildered and wondering where do I start?  You’ve been so devastated that you could hardly breathe and at moments you felt crushed? 

Maybe you were broken-hearted because the man you thought you were going ot marry, your soul mate ended your relationship or maybe you married him and it didn’t work out. And to make matters worse,you worked for him.

 A few years ago my friend Linda was in that exact situation her fiancé broke up with her and she worked with him. Needles say she was feeling devastated so she called a dear friend and asked her, Where do I start?

This was the advice her friend gave her. First, if she was going to survive, the most important thing was to go to bed every night before 10:00.

She knew from her study of health that every hour of sleep we get before midnight is worth two hours after that time. She also knew that staying rested was far the most effective way to deal with stress. Anyone who’s ever gotten up in the morning without having had enough sleep knows how hard life can be when we’re tired. When challenges are accompanied by fatigue, we can feel hopeless. Linda knew she needed to be alert in order to cope with the humiliation she experienced and the demands of her work schedule. 

Linda’s friend suggested that the second thing she should do was to focus on the things she had to be grateful for. Every night before falling asleep, she started writing down at least five good things that had happened to her each day and as time went by the grew and grew.

Linda’s friend also explained this simple principle to her: When we focus on darkness, we usually allow ourselves to be taken into deeper darkness. When we focus on light meaning all that is good in our lives we attract more and more light. It’s a powerful truth: Whatever you put your attention on grows stronger in your life.

 It’s no surprise that when we focus on the negative, that’s all we can see. How often have you had five great things happen to you in your day, but when a friend asked you how it’s going, you immediately told her about the one thing that didn’t go so well?  As Linda’s dear friend said to her, “The more you believe somethings matters, the more solid and tangible they become.”

Sometimes we get so involved thinking about the past or the future that we simply forget what’s going on right in front of us. At times like these, I find it valuable to remember the advice my friend Linda applied to her situation when her life was turned up side down. She didn’t know what was going to happen down the road, but she knew she had to breathe, eat and go to work everyday. The first thing Linda did was post a sign on her refrigerator that said, Start Where You Are” one bulb at a time.

As a result Linda resigned from her job and became an owner of a flower shop where she met and married a terrific guy who is a publisher. And Linda’s list of good things that happened to her everyday grew to 365 good things that happened today and her husband published it. Linda still keeps a sign on their refrigerator that says, “Start Where You Are” one bulb at a time.

   

 


 

When Childhood Is Tea Parties and Chasing Butterflies

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, Life by

Childhood is hanging your pictures on the refrigerator, and tea parties you always cater.

Childhood is chasing butterflies and picking flowers, playing with blocks and making towers.

Childhood is hating nap time, and thinking everything is MINE.

Childhood is crayons and coloring books, playing hide and go seek in all the right nooks.  Childhood is falling asleep to your favorite lullaby. Childhood is wishing you had wings so you could soar into the sky. Childhood is only crying over a scrapped knee, or being stung by a Bumble Bee.

Childhood is collecting seashells, building sand castles, swimming and roasting marshmallows down by the seashore without a care in the world.

Childhood is thinking boys have cooties, or your mom making you wear itchy booties.
Childhood is ruining mommy’s new rocking chair, and making friends and keeping them forever.

Childhood is a time when we are innocent, when our world seems to be fair and when our universe is around out toys.

Childhood is a time when we live in dreams, when everyone seems selfless, when everyone appears to be a friend.

Childhood is the time when our life is full of colours, when sorrow never knocks on our door and when a smile is a gift presented to everyone.

Childhood is a time when love is pure, when there are no obligations and when tenderness prevails.

Childhood is a time which is long gone for many of us but smiles flow from our faces and our eyes sparkle when we revisit our childhood. Our childhood will never come back but the child within us will always be able to dream of catering tea parties and chasing butterflies.

Top Model or Cowboy

Posted in Chidren, Dreams, family, Grandparenting by

The nursery rhyme “Doctor, Lawyer, Indian Chief ” is a great reminder that we don’t know what the future holds for our grandchildren. We don’t know in what directions our grandchildren will choose to walk.

What we do know is that we are privileged to walk with them along their paths and share in their journey. Who knows, maybe someday one will say, ” I became a famous wardrobe designer because of my Nana cut out swathes of pink for me, and mixed and matched outfits.”

Elizabeth has always been fascinated with fashion. Now her younger sister Amy has become her top model she tries on all of Elizabeth latest creations especially the outfits made in the color pink. My friend Jane who Elizabeth and Amy call Nana always says, Who knows Elizabeth just might become a famous wardrobe designer or the next Coco Channel and Amy might become the next top model pretty in pink.

Jane sees Elizabeth and Amy’s fascination as an opportunity to interact on a most personal level, with them. She buys them books about colors, fabrics, hats, the other day she bought a book about buttons.

They love spending hours pouring over magazines and pictures in book about fashions for girls. It may turn into a career, or it may not; but in the mean time Jane is enjoying the journey. The other day the girls started taking ballet lessons so they just might become famous ballerina who knows. Jane is off to the book store to stock up on books about ballerinas it’s good that Jane has a lot of book cases isn’t it?

Ask any group of children these days what they want to be when they grow up. and their answers will likely range anywhere from astronaut to zookeeper, with lots of layers in between. In these answers, children are expressing their personalities, experiences, and dreams.

This past Sunday my grandson Jeremy wore his coast guard air flight jumper (that is just like his dads) with his black knee-high cow-boy boots to church. When I picked him up he had added a king’s crown and he was carrying my heart-shaped plastic basket with parts of his Lego building set in it. We went out to lunch after church with his good buddy Mr. Joel and Jeremy was the center of attention all eyes where on him. Jeremy was expressing his personality and we had a blast.

Doctor, Lawyer. Indian Chief, Model, Wardrobe Designer, Coast Guard Man, Cowboy or a King what will our grandchildren grow up to be?