Category Archives: Chidren

Grandma’s Common Sense

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Letters, Life by

Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them.  Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe~

Sometimes a grandmother’s common sense can teach their grandchildren that life’s simple pleasures can bring them the most happiness, and that they cannot buy it with money. Like going on walks and showing them the beauty in nature.

I preferred my grandmothers homemade toys, which she created with her own hands, over the expensive toys my parents bought me. From the age of five, I can remember her writing letters to me. She introduced me to world-famous classics and the library. By the time I was six I was able to read classics like Oliver Twist and Great Expectations because my dad had read them to me over and over. I’m not sure if I read them or if I memorised them.

My grandmother lived far away and would come to visit us and when she arrived I was glade to see her and sad when she had to leave. She felt the same. I missed her right away. But then, one week after she left, a letter would arrive.

Dear Granddaughter, I miss you a lot and remember absence makes hearts grow fonder? Write to me when you feel low or bored. So I started writing to her and I poured out all my problems into those letters. One of my favorite letters that I wrote to her was when I was in second grade and I explained to her that an older girl was being mean to me at school and called me a brat.

 I wrote to my grandma: Grandma, I’m being treated unkindly at school and I feel hurt. She wrote back: Dear Granddaughter, Just follow my instructions when the older mean girl says something that is hurtful to you. Tell her that you are hard of hearing and ask her to repeat what she said again and again. She will repeat it. Keep telling her that you can’t hear her, and she will get fed up and leave you alone. I followed grandma’s advice and it worked.

Then in my first year of high school we were having our annual health fitness week. I was good at sports but not at rope climbing and gymnastics. All my class mates were stronger in the upper parts of their bodies than me. I couldn’t complete rope climbing or any of the gymnastic part of the testing.

I wrote to Grandma: Grandma, I’m not good in sports, and Mom is making me sign up  for sport. She says sports and rope climbing are two different categories. She wrote back: Dear Granddaughter, I heard a song recently that had a wonderful message. There may be mountain peaks you have to climb on, there may be rivers fast and wide you may have to ride on. Unless you dream, unless you try, how will you know how far you can fly? Remember these words and believe in yourself. It turned out that because of my mom and grandmother I continued to pursue sports. I was good at sports. However I never did climb a rope.

Letters passed between us every week and she often sent quotes by great people from newspapers and magazines. All of them, in one way or another, told me the same thing:” Believe in yourself, then you can reach even the farthest star.” I kept all of Grandma’s letters in a file. When I felt low and sad, I would read them one by one. They lifted my spirits, and I came back to my self again. The lessons my grandma taught in her letters will forever remain the most valuable and treasured ones.

Grandma never owned a computer and she didn’t foresee in the future that her granddaughter would be passing on some of her advice on a website. I wonder how will our granddaughters be passing on their grandmother’s advice in the future? What is going to replace computers?

Mom Mania

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, relationships, Women by

There is one thing that all mothers can agree on no matter what their job title, income, number of children, education, religion, or location: They want to raise kids who are happy, confident , and self-reliant through childhood to adulthood.

Sometimes stress and quilt brought on by the need to be the “Sacifical Mom” can end up interfering with their ability to achieve this goal. There’s good news for the “Sacifical Mom” she can get back on track by learning and applying these twelve steps. They are proven to help create kids who will live a happily ever after lives as adults.

Look at your child and try to picture him or her in twenty-five years as a grow-up. What do you see? Does your son or daughter have these twelve essential qualities:

  1. Is he happy, optimistic, and secure?  Does he have authentic self-esteem?
  2. Is she in a healthy, loving relationships? Does she have good friends and loyal allies?
  3. Does he have a strong moral compass? Does he have good values and strong character?
  4. Does she have empathy and compassion for all people?  Is she kind, unselfish, and humane?
  5. Does he have self-control and patience? Can he delay gratification?
  6. Is she able to make good decisions on her own?
  7. Is he self-reliant?
  8. Is she responsible and internally motivated? Does she have a good work ethic?
  9. Is he practical and resourceful in handling day-to-day living?
  10. Is she resilient? If life throws her a curve, can she bounce back?
  11. Is he confident and positive about his identity and strengths?
  12. Does she have fun? does she laugh? Is her life balanced between work and love, self and others? 

Don’t forget to take into consideration that kids are born with a certain temperament and genetic predisposition. Certainly there are some things about children’s development that are not under their parents control but many are. Mothers can say good-by to their need to be on  the “Sacrificial Motherhood Mania” bandwagon and be the real mothers they know they are, and raise kids who will not only survive but thrive without her. Remember you can’t teach what you don’t know!

Chose Your Own Grandparenting Style

Posted in Books, Chidren, family, Family Values, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life, Women by

 The Power of Myths reminds me of the classic children’s story “Little Red Riding Hood” it has almost all the main features of one stereotyped image of a grandparent.

Once upon a time, at the edge of a large forest there stood a tiny cottage almost hidden by the trees. In it a little girl lived with her mother. The little girl could often be seen in her hood and red  cape flitting among the tall trees. Her grandmother had made the hood and cape for her and because the little girl always wore them, she was called Little Red Ridding Hood.

Red Riding Hood’s grandmother is old and feeble, caring and gift-giving, and lives within convenient walking distance (wolves not with standing) of her granddaughter. There are probably some grandparents who fit this image. There are probably even more who wish they matched some parts of it. But in today’s world, many grandparents are neither old nor feeble.

They don’t eat chocolate cake or drink creamy milk especially when they’re sick. Their lives are not focused on their grandchildren but on their jobs, friends and social activities. Oh! We can’t forget that some of us can end up spending all day trying to figure out how to use our latest techie devices.

 Often they don’t live on the other side of the woods but on the other side of the country, on another continent, or at least somewhere where the winters are milder and the weather is sunnier. However grandparents are enjoying their beach cottages and mountain cabins. Aren’t they?

 One morning Little Red Riding Hood’s mother packed a basket full of homemade  goodies that included a chocolate cake, a jar of strawberry jam and a bottle of creamy milk. She told Little Red Ridding Hood to take this basket to your grandmother because she was sick in bed and this food will do her good and it will make her happy. I would’ve preferred a cup of tea and a piece of toast myself. 

My friends and I didn’t realize how powerful myths could be until we became a grandparents. We have discovered that when it comes to the topic of family life how surprised we were to see how many people are still clinging to idealized images from the past.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with having romantic and nostalgic ideas but if we walk around feeling that our lives are only second best because things were once better it can sap all our strength. And if we invest our energy trying to live the way we imagine people used to live we’re bound to be disappointed.

Grandparents are living longer that in the first half of the century, the grandparenting phase might last two or three decades or more.

 In short, grandparenting has developed as an independent role in the family cycle and often extends as long or longer than parenting.

Here are a few questions grandparents can ask themselves when choosing their grandparenting style.

What kinds of things to you enjoy doing? What special skills do you have?  How much time do you have available and how much do I want to spend grandparenting? What are your children’s and grandchildren’s needs? What religious and ethnic traditions do you want to pass on to your grandchildren? 

Keep in mind there is still no set definitions of what makes you a good grandparent any more that whats makes a good grandchild. The consensus about what makes us good grandparents makes it easier for each of us to reinvent grandparenting in own style and enjoy our roles.

A Slice Of Life

Posted in Chidren, family, generational changes, Grandparenting, Life, Moms, Women by

Having fun with our kids is like a slice of pie. Think about a pie not as a fruit pie, but as a pie of life with slices that define different, slices of family life. One slice is childhood, the next slice is the parenting years, followed by the early adult slice and the largest slice is the empty nest years.

 If we live out our average life expectancy, we will spend twice as many years as adults together with our children, than when they were living at home with us. When a group of my friends got together we talked about our relationships with our parents. Some of us got along well with them, others did not. When we probed the reasons, it had a lot to do with parenting patterns developed during childhood.

 In other words, how we parent our young kids might shape our relationship with them when they grow up. We figured out that the ones who wanted to be friends as adults and spend time together, not out of obligation but, because they enjoyed each other and had moms who included fun as one of their family values. They seemed to be the moms who adult children wanted to spend time with for all the right reasons.

You might be asking yourself what does fun look like?  Just look around you and watch other fun families. You’ll notice they can have fun and be fun even in unlikely places. Like the grocery store or waiting in line at the DMV. Fun is an attitude as much as an activity. And to have fun, we have to be fun, which means lightening up.

Throughout the years, the activities changed. We went from having fun with preschoolers which was fairly simple. They loved to play and loved the attention they got when we did almost anything together. When our kids got older, their fun included their friends, which meant stretching the family circle to make those friends feel welcome in our homes. We agreed that parenting includes the responsibility to shape appropriate fun as kids grow up, which was easier when their friends gathered at our houses.

 The best advice offered was to learn to let go of our own expectations and stop trying to  Besides, our best and most humorous family memories often came out of those unexpected out comes. Friendships with our adult children evolve as slowly as our parenting bumped and bounced from controlling to influencing to simply encouraging and enjoying.

The fun we have along the way is not so much about doing things, as about being in relationships that allowed for growth and embraced our differences. It’s been said, that being friends and having fun with our adult children is the best slice of the pie of life!

 

Moms Night Out

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Moms by

Throughout history moms have been applauded for their ability to do many different roles.

Some moms are cab drivers. “I’ll pick you up after school.” No computer for one hour for hitting your brother. Still others fashion consultants: Don’t forget your coat its cold outside or great at compromises; tonight’s special is pizza or pizza. Which can I interest you in?

Moms seem to have three pairs of eyes. One pair that see through closed doors another in the back of her head and,of course, the ones in front that can look at their child when they goof up and say I understand and I love you without so much as uttering a word.

Moms deliver their lines with laughter, smiles or a straight face and they always have a twinkle in their eyes because they know they’re responsible for the well-being of their children. Whether they are burping a three-month baby, wrestling with a two-year old girl who wants to put glue in her hair, or comforting a six-year-old boy who didn’t make the team. Moms always know what to say. Don’t they? 

With their knowledge and insight into the hearts of their babies whether two-months or twenty-six moms may not have all the answers. But they know the best answer is usually just a smile and a hug. Because that’s what moms do best. Forget the applause! Moms can take home all the trophies and awards . But the biggest reward is always love of their children.

Motherhood is like Albania you can’t trust the brochures you have to go there. Oh! What a power motherhood is possessing a potent spell. Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

When you have your own children they’re a part of you and part not-you and then they get away from you and part of you goes with them. But you have to try to remember that part of you that’s you and not them. That way, you can let them go. It’s been said that a mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary. 

Moms dilemma is to clean the house or girls night out? I say choose the girls night out. The trouble with cleaning the house is that it gets dirty the next day anyway. So skip a week if you have to. The children are the most important thing and moms night out is important for moms too. 

Moms should never miss a girls night out is because their children will grow up and leave and their girlfriends don’t. Dads and grandparents love moms night out with the girls because they get to spend time with the kids.  

Create A Family Value’s List

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Life by

 What are your top five family values?  What traits do you hope your child or grandchildren will have as an adult? 

 Using the following five strategies in the acronym “TEACH”  can help you decide which traits really mean the most to you.

T- Target the value you want to apply right this minute in your home. Focus on only one at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed and spin you wheels trying to do to much. Many moms and grandmothers target a different key value each month. Write down your choices so you don’t forget.

E- Exemplify this value in your own everyday behavior. The easiest way for children and grandchildren to learn any new value is by actually seeing it in action. So intentionally start looking for ways to tune up your chosen value anytime you’re with your children or grandchildren.

A- Accentuate the targeted value in simple ways. For example, if respect is your targeted value seize the opportunity to make a point about treating all people with dignity by showing respect to the people in your life. 

C-Catch your children displaying the value and praise them for it. ” Hey, I know it was hard to admit you broke your brother’s hockey stick. I appreciate your honesty.

H- Highlight the value of the value. ” I loved how you smiled at Grandma today. That was being really kind. Did you see how her face lit up? Whenever you’re kind, it helps make the world a better place.” Whenever you highlight a value be sure you name the value and tell your child exactly how they made a different.

Here is an example of a few values : assertiveness, caring, charitableness, courage, excellence, fairness, friendliness, dependability, determination, generosity, helpfulness, honesty,industriousness, kindness, joyousness, politeness, tolerance, understanding, unselfishness, wisdom, purposefulness and a hundred more words that describe family values. This is something that grandparents can do to.

Don’t Forget To Relax With Your Kids

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Grandparenting, Time, traditions by

Suppose your children were asked what one thing they really wish they could change about their family. That very question was asked of eighty-four thousand students in grades six through twelve who recently completed a USA Weekend survey.

 It turns out that almost two-thirds of kids surveyed said that what the kids said was they wanted was not just more time but relaxed time. The kind of time a kid would consider as just plain “fun.” No expectations, no stress and no frantic pace. It’s the kind of time that creates family togetherness that relaxed, carefree time is also what kids crave and need.

Here are a few simple ways to create relaxed family time.

  • Nighttime rituals: read a nighttime story; remind each other of the best part of the day; give hugs and kisses goodnight.
  •  Special greetings and ways to say “I love You”: rub noses for an “Eskimo kiss“; create your own family funny hugs.
  •  Celebration of successes: hang a flag on the front door when something special has happened to a family member:use a “fancy” plate at the dinner table when a family member has done something to deserve recognition.
  •  Birthday memories: each family member chooses his or her favorite birthday menu, cake, outing, and song to be piped through the household as a birthday” wake-up” call. Some families even hang a family member’s shirt on a flagpole or broomstick stuck in the front lawn to let the world (or at least the neighborhood) know it’s that person’s special day.
  •  Frivolous fun: Fly kites on Groundhog Day; play practical jokes on April Fool’s Day.
  •  Sports and outdoors: Go fishing on Father’s Day; be die-hard Chargers fans together.
  •  Volunteering and service projects: bake an extra turkey for Mrs.Jones on Thanksgiving; serve Christmas Eve dinner at the homeless shelter or help out at another,less “popular” time of year. Help your favorite charity as a family once a week or month.
  •  Enjoying each others company: spread a rug or towel on your living room floor,gather the troops, put on some up beat music, and serve simple sandwiches, finger food, and boxed drinks. Who says you have to go somewhere to have a good time together?
  •  Family Game Night: dust off the Chutes and Ladders, Yahtzee, Monopoly, Candy land, Go Fish, or that old deck of cards. Older kids might like Trouble, Uno, Kerplunk, Risk, or Porker. Some families hold Family Game Night once a week for thirty minutes to an hour. Have an assortment of games and let a different family members choose what you play each time.

I read the other day that research has proven that doing simple rituals enhances our feelings of togetherness and family belonging by almost 20 percent. What’s more those home traditions and customs also increase our kid’s social skills and development. So what are you doing to keep memories of your times together for your kids?  Good ol’ fun sounds like time spent at grandma’s house. Doesn’t it?

Grandparents Can Bring Back Letter Writing

Posted in Chidren, generational changes, grandkids, Grandparenting, Letters, Technology, traditions by

In this age of cell phones, Email, faxes, letter writing is an all but forgotten practice and most young children have never written a letter.

 Now days we talk to our friends on our cell phones it rarely occurs to us to write a letter. When was the last time your received a nice long juicy letter?  Having grandchildren is an excellent opportunity to revive an old custom.

One of the most important things to remember about letters is that they are both a form of communications for the present and a record for the future. Ask your grandchildren to keep a copy of your letters, but to be on the safe side, keep a copy yourself. When I was a young girl my grandmother and I wrote letters. I would read her letters ( and my replies) they were full of grandmotherly advice. I still have a few of the letters she sent, and I treasure them dearly, even though they are more than forty years old. I only wish they contained more details.

Even if your grandchildren don’t appreciate the letters now they will in the future. Letter writing is only one way of fulfilling your role of family historian. Don’t limit yourself to writing standard letters. Even your youngest grandchildren can look at pictures and if you have the skill of drawing you can send one of your drawing to them. 

As they get older you can send them picture letters where the message is conveyed by a few pictures or drawings about things they are interested in. If there’s a cartoon or comic strip you think your grand-daughter would appreciate send it to her. As they get older you can send them a disposable camera with an addressed and stamped mailing envelope and ask them to take pictures of anything they want and send them to you. And don’t forget to send pictures and postcards when you travel!

Once children get used to the idea that there may be letters arriving containing news, pictures, stories and other treats intended especially for them, they will come to look forward to them. Despite all our technological advances, most people I know feel a little rush of anticipation when they open their mail and hidden in among the bills, solicitations, and magazines is a personal letter or a post card.

Twentieth-century technology has vastly changed out ability to communicate over distance. Although it hardly seems believable today, at the end of World War Two only half of American homes had a telephone. Even in the late 1950s as many as a quarter of households had no telephone. Our grandchildren will probably find it just as hard to imagine that in 1990 only 27th percent of U.S. households had a computer!

 For hundreds of years or at least since pens and paper became commonplace and people who wanted to get in touch with other people separated by distance had only one way to do it. They wrote letters it was the only means of long-distance communication, at least until the telegraph was invented in the 19th century. 

Today the schools are considering replacing cursive writing with texting and key boarding. Grandparents can start hand writing letters and have their grandchildren write back to them. There are hundreds of fun subjects to write about while creating letters that in the future will become keepsakes.

Use Your Imagination

Posted in Babies, Chidren, family, Life, Moms, relationships by

Hold your breath and make a wish then Count to three! Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination.

 Take a look and you’ll see into your imagination. We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation. What we’ll see will defy explanation.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it do you wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there you’ll be free if you truly wish to be. If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it and there is no life I know to compare with pure imagination living there.

You’ll be free if you truly wish to be now hold your breath, make a wish, and count to three.” Doesn’t that describe how we feel in many situations in life? For some of us it can be when our son or daughters call us and ask, Mom are you sitting down? I have something to tell you and we wait with bated breath in a state of suspenseful anticipation, as they say “We are going to have a baby”.

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination and take a look and see into your imagination.” As I read these words it reminds of the first two years of life and it’s a season when a child’s imagination is pure. When we find out that a family is expecting a baby right away imaginations are sparked and we think to ourselves what color are the baby’s eyes?  Will they be the color of his or her mother, father, aunt, uncle or maybe a grandparent or a great-grandmother that we loved so much.  

Then we wonder what gender is the baby a girl or a boy. Our imaginations travel through the past, present, and future in our imaginations with all kinds of questions about a baby while it’s being created. Don’t we?

We’ll begin with a spin traveling in the world of creation and what we’ll see will defy explanation.” Birth through the toddler years seem to defy explanation one, two, three and we are spinning, traveling together into the world of creation again.

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it is there anything you want to do, do it. Wanta change the world? There’s nothing to it.” My mom use to say. “It’s not the destination but the journey that counts.” Aren’t we lucky that we have opportunities to spark children’s and grandchildren’s imaginations and that they spark our imaginations too?

Kids Say The Darndest Things…

Posted in Chidren, family, Family Values, grandkids, Grandparenting, Humor, Life, Moms, Women by

Kids Playing“Kids Say the Darndest Things” was a segment on a television show called House Party.  Art  Linkletter was the host on CBS radio and television for many years and his interviews were never scripted, the kids said what they really thought. It could have been called “Straight Talk.”  One thing we can count on is that children are still saying the darndest things and they never stop surprising us. Do they? Sometime you just have to wonder how do they come up with some of the questions they ask us grandparents. Don’t we?  Like for instance a few years ago a friend was telling me about a conversation she had the night before with her four-year old grandson while they where watching Cat In The Hat together.

He looked into her eyes and said, Nana you have lines on your face. Then she said, I’m an old person with old skin. You’re a little person, and you have young skin. She figured that was the end of the conversation but then to her surprise he said, Nana when are you going to get them fixed?  My other Nana is old, and she doesn’t have lines on her face.  Wow! He sure is lucky that his Nana has a good sense of humor. Isn’t he?  As she was sharing her experience with me, we laughed at how unexpected his response was. Then I couldn’t help but wonder. How would have Art Linkletter or Billy Crosby reacted if they had that same conversation with a four-year old boy? I can only image the audience laughing because he is such an adorable little boy and enjoys making everyone he meets laugh. This goes to show that grandparents need to remember kids say the darndest things and to keep a good sense of humor.

Mrs. Doubtfire Are We Still A Family?

Posted in Chidren, family, grandkids, Life, Moms, Parenting, relationships, Women by

In the movie Mrs.Doubtfire a little girl named Katie Mc Komcick writes a letter to Mrs.Doubtfire asking this question: If my parents are separated are we still a family? 

 Uunfortunately this is a question that many children are asking their parents and grandparents in today’s society and Mrs. Doubtfire’s response it worth taking to heart. 

The plot of the movie is about Miranda played by Sally Field who is an interior designer and decides to divorce her husband Daniel because he is irresponsible. Being a working mother of three children she decides to hire a housekeeper and after interviewing many candidates she hires Mrs. Doubtfire who turns out to be her ex husband Daniel played by Robin Williams.

The reason that Daniel decided to create the persona that he was a lovely Scottish sixty year old woman who was seeking a position as a housekeeper was so that he could spend time with his children after to courts said that he could only see  them on  Saturdays. As time goes on Mrs. Doubtfire wins the hearts of Miranda and their children then Mirada discovers that Mrs. Doubtfire is her ex husband and agrees to allow him to see their children as much as he wants.

Mean while Daniels luck changes when he appears as Mrs. Doubtfire in a children’s television program called “Euphegenia House” and it becomes the top rated television show in that time slot.

One day while Mrs. Doubtfire is relaxing in an oversized wingback chair and she receives a letter written by a little girl named Katie and in the letter she asks Mrs. Doubtfire this question: Are we still a family?

Dear Mrs. Doubtfire,

Two months ago my mom and dad decided to separate and not live in the same  house . My brother Andrew said we are not to be a family anymore. Is this true?  Am I to lose my family?  Is there anything I can do to bring them back together?  Mrs. Doubtfire’s response is wonderful and one we should all take to heart.

Dear Katie Mc Komcick,

Some parents when they are angry get along better when they don’t live together sometimes they don’t get back together and sometimes they do. But don’t blame yourself just because they don’t love each other anymore it doesn’t mean they don’t love you and there are many different kinds of families. 

What words of wisdom every child whose parents are separated or divorced needs to be told such kind words of wisdom and have a Mrs. Doubtfire type of women in their lives don’t they?

Isn’t it awesome that the Mrs. Doubtfire’s in our lives come in all kinds of shapes and sizes they may be your Grandmother, Aunt, Neighbor or a Teacher.

They are the ones that we hold close to our hearts because they unconditionally love us through thick and thin, they are our super hero‘s and we are super hero’s in their eyes too.

 They may not be a relative but they are like having an Aunt, Mother, Grandmother and a Best Friend all rolled up in one woman. They are truly amazing aren’t they? They’re down to earth, smart, funny and a little zany. 

They love us and our children unconditionally, they laugh and cry with us, they listen to our concerns about life and they tell us what they think instead of telling us what we want to hear. Some day you might be asked the question.  Are we still a family?  Although the answer may be no not a nuclear family make sure you reassure them that they still belong to a family and are loved. The relationship with your children is more important than the problems between the adults.